Material Girl
by Senorita Cassandrita
Summary: Love is a many splendid thing for our favorite heiress, Blair. But how many boytoys can this girl have in one summer? And, more importantly, what are the repurcussions of her actions? Read and review to find out!
1. Birthday Girl

Author's Note: Hey, I'm Cassy AKA Gossip Girl. This is my first fan fiction dealing with gossip girl... please read and review!

Chapter 1

Hey People! You know it's that time of year again! B's birthday is coming up! More importantly, will B ever forgive N? Aww, I live for that couple. They are so cute when they're angry. Oh, and you can't forget the reason why they're not even together anymore! Will S make an appearance at her party! All this juicy gossip is getting me hot and bothered. And I hear B's parents are footing the bill on those goodie bags! I hear Kate Spade and Louis Vuitton make some appearances in the bags!

I'll See You All At The Party!

You Know You Love Me,

Gossip Girl

Blair's POV

"We really should stop meeting like this." I said sarcastically to myself. It was the third time that night I made my way to the restroom to throw-up my dinner.

There was always a moment of depression when I first let my food leave the way it came out, but then, it was soon forgotten when I got the many compliments about how I looked great.

I know it's unhealthy, but that's the least of my problems. Out there in the trendy restaurant where I was spending my 18th birthday, were the biggest problems of all.

My ex-boyfriend. Nate Archibald. What else is there to say? Ya, well tons on my part. I just learned my recent best friend and him got down and dirty when Nate and me were going out in 8th grade.

Ya, and that former best friend of mine, Serena, was out there too. I was in no mood to leave the bathroom. But the stares from the bathroom attendant were enough to get me out of there.

"Hey Blair, get over here, we're gonna sing Happy Birthday!" I heard someone say. I put on my big fake smile and walked over to the table.

After a very embarrassing rendition of "Happy Birthday", I was free to open my presents. I think that's always the best part of birthdays. Who doesn't?

Serena got me a diamond tennis bracelet from Tiffany's. I did want one of those, but didn't let to much enthusiasmshow when I opened the gift.

Nate came over gave me a kiss on the cheek and gave me a box with the word "Barney's" on it.

Again I put on the fake smile and opened the box. Well, lets just say after I saw the new Chanel bag in the box, the smile was genuine.

Just to show how materialistic I am, I let Nate come sit by me the entire night letting him kiss me now and then. The rest of gifts seemed cheap in comparison.

When you get about 20 Tiffany's heart bracelets, it gets a wee bit boring.

At about 12 AM, we all took off walking to the club where we were gonna be dancing that night.

About 10 cosmopolitans, 5 shots, and 3 beers later, there I am, dancing on the tables with Serena.

I could have sworn that sometime that night, I gave some celebrity a lap dance and gave him my number, but my memory is a little fuzzy.

At about 3 AM, I was in the VIP section with Nate. We were making out pretty heavily and I was actually considering letting him take the flower of my virginity right then and there when we were uninterrupted by the infamous Chuck Bass in all his glory.

"Hey ya Nate, where's Serena?" Chuck said with a drunken smirk. Nate let out a groan when I jumped up off the couch and he landed on the floor.

"Champagne wishes and Caviar dreams toyou two love birds! Oh ya, Happy Birthday." Chuck said, while throwing me a box with a bow on it.

I opened the gift when he left andwas really happy with it.They weresome Audrey Hepburn-ish sunglasses from Chanel. I always loved Audrey ever since I saw "Breakfast at Tiffany's". I remember making Nate and Serena sit through it with me on many occasions.

But that was before Serena the Whore took away my man and gave him a blow-job.

I try to forget about that a lot of the time.

"Come on birthday girl, it's time to go home." Nate said while buttoning his shirt. I should mention that when we were making out, some clothes came off.

I looked at the digital clock on the wall and saw the time, 5 AM. All in all, this party was pretty good. I'm sure it set back my parents a few thousand bucks, but it was all worth it when I saw the envious faces on all the girls at the club.

I had no doubt it would be the talk of school the next day. But I didn't plan on actually going to school. It was always cooler to skip the day after and let anyone make up whatever ridiculous gossip about you without you actually being there.

About two hours later, I woke up in bed with Nate. No, we didn't do anything scandalous. Just a little bit of Frenching and cuddling.

Marie, the maid, was in my room picking up the dirty clothes off the floor. It annoyed me how self-righteous that woman was. She thought she could just barge in on whatever or whomever I was doing. Come on, she's just a maid.

Nate's POV

Well, that night went well. I knew that bag would do the trick. Ya, my mom reads Vogue, and was going crazy over that bag for over a week now.

I didn't actually expect to de-flower Blair or anything like that. After dating Blair off and on for about 5 years, I knew not to set my sights to high.

I've seen her naked, sure. But I've never actually been as closer to actually getting some then last night when we were making out in the club.

After that encouragement, I spent the night with Blair. I still feel as though I'm walking on egg-shells since word leaked out about Serena and my sex-romp in 8th grade.

I'm still trying to gain Blair's trust, so when we headed out to get some breakfast, I made it a point not to look at any other girl besides her.

I knew there were tons of girls out there in the streets of New York who wanted to be with me, but I'm just used to that. And now, I'm afraid to say, the only one I want to be with is Blair.

Blair's POV

I entwined my fingers with Nate's while walking the streets with him to get to Tavern on The Green.

I loved how all those girls checking out Nate were so jealous of me. I know some people hate that crap, but I feed on it, jealousy that is.

When we got our table, Nate made it a point to compliment me on my purse(my gift from him)and tell the waiter it was birthday. Nate failed to mention it was yesterday to the waiter, who probably wouldn't have given me the balloons and cake if he knew.

After all the waiters came around and congratulated me on turning 18, we ate our cake and had a great time walking through Central Park afterwards.

That day felt so weird for me, I guess it was because, it was such a long time since Nate and I just hung out. I guess that can be blamed on me, since I shunned him from my sight for 3 months after learning the truth about him and Serena.

Nate's POV

I think I should say it. Wait, do people actually have to put so much thought into actually saying "I Love You"?

Well, the truth is, I'd never actually been the one to say "I Love You" first.

Blair was always the one to say it to me when I bought her something or after a conversation on the phone.

I guess I should just say it then.

"Blair? You know I love you? Cause I do." I said. After I said it, I knew I did a good job. Her smile grew almost to big for her face and she practically jumped me into a hug.

"Take me to your place." Blair whispered in my ear, while still straddling me with her legs.

I was more then willing to oblige.


	2. Pink Post Its

Author's Note: I do not, in any way, own the Gossip Girl series.

Chapter 2

Greetings and Salutations my Gossip Whores,

I have the juiciest news yet! I have heard reports of B and N walking into his apartment making out very heavily, is tonight the night? Oh and S is no where in sight, well of course, we did see her in a travel agent's office, but who gives. That's all for now!

You Know You Love Me,

Gossip Girl

Blair's POV

Well, we were gonna actually "DO IT". But that little voice inside my head pulled me back as soon as he was about to actually go into territories never been to before.

"Come on Blair. This isn't the right time, and you know it." My head said to me. "Uh, ya know, Nate, why don't we just cuddle?" I said while kissing his neck. "Um, ya sure?" Nate asked with disappointment in his voice. "Ya, I'm sorry. I just don't think this is the right time."

I was surprised at how Nate was so nice about everything. Usually after I turn him down he gets up and walks off. But today, he actually stayed around. Nate didn't even comment on my the John Mayer sex mix that was playing on the stereo, that I made for this special occasion.

Well, ya see, I have a different idea of what losing my virginity stands for. My definition of Losing Blair's Virginity is you know, Nate getting inside me, and only Nate. But not anything else. Yes, it does sound very much hypocritical of me to actually think oral sex is okay, but I do.

I could see Nate was very happy after I told him my definition and since he was on top of me cuddling he automatically ducked under the covers.

Nate's POV

Well, that went well. I didn't know Blair actually thought oral sex was okay with her standards. If I had known that before, things would be very different.

Blair left about an hour ago, so now it's just me. I wonder what I'm going to do tonight.

I've never actually had to set up what I'm doing because usually Blair has something already prepared. But since she's going on that 18th birthday trip with Serena to Paris tonight, I'm all alone.

Oh ya, about that 18th birthday trip, it's a surprise gift from Serena. I wonder how Blair is gonna like it...

Blair's POV

I just got back to my Park Avenue apartment to little Post-It's all over the place. I peer closer at the little pink papers and see the emblem S on them. Serena. Great.

After looking a little closely I see arrows on all of them. They seem to be leading up to my room. God, I hope she's not in there.

I climb the stairs and open my door. Yep, there she is, looking through my old photo albums.

Once she saw me, she jumped up and pulled me into a hug. "Happy Belated Birthday!" Serena said about 20 times. "We're going to Paris!" She yelled.

What... The... Hell... That's all I can say. Serena pulled me down into a chair, pulled out some plane tickets, her own private jet, of course. After explaining all the details of this God forsaken trip, she pulled me up. Serena snapped her fingers and called Marie to pick up the luggage she had already packed for us.

About 3 glasses of champagne and about 5 sleeping pills later, we landed in Paris.

I was a little too groggy to remember whatever else happened that night, except when we got to our penthouse, I went straight to bed.

No, I take it back, I do remember Serena winking at me before she went off with the busboy. That sent me straight to the bathroom to throw up that crappy Caviar that Serena served on the plane.

The next day, I woke up refreshed. I guess hang-overs just don't happen to be me anymore.

I missed Nate desperately and needed to call him. When I turn on my Blackberry there were already tons of missed calls from everyone back home, including Nate.

Fuck the rest of them, I need my Nate! An hour later, I had completed my phone sex with Nate and was out to go shopping.

Serena had yet to come back to the hotel room, but hey, she had her own key.

I threw on my Burberry mini-skirt and tight white painters' shirt and headed out the door.

The hotel's limo was nice enough to drop me off where all the hot shops were.

After hitting up Chanel, Burberry, and Dior I went into Ralph Lauren.

I was always drawn to the little kid's section of RL, simply because of that dream I had where Nate, our kids, and I were on that yacht.

I decided to buy some cute pink baby moccasins for my little sister, Yale. I made my mother name her Yale to leave SOME dignity to my family after she married some slob and got pregnant. Also, Yale is my dream school, which I plan to be attending next year.

As I was browsing the guy's polos for something for Nate, I bumped into some asshole who made me drop all my bags. "I'm so sorry. Let me pick those up." Some sexy British accent answered. I don't what it was about that voice, but it made me forget about being pissed off at this guy.

I plastered on my fake smile, took out my hand and introduced myself, he then said his name too "I am James Vanderbilt. Pleasure to meet you."

Needless to say, I forgot all about that polo I needed to buy for Nate.


	3. Prince Of Some Country

A/N: Thanks For The Reviews

Ch. 3

Hello My Devoted Fans,

Ooh, I can barely contain my excitement! Some unreliable sources have said B has found a new boy-toy! And speaking of B, who was that hunk with S last night? That girl gets all the hot ones... Poor N, he's all alone at home, only with his dime-bag of weed to keep him company! Aww...

You Know You Love Me,

Gossip Girl

Blair's POV

The next day I found myself straightening my hair in the mirror and putting on my MAC make-up.

James' invited me to his Polo match. Seems like the guy's loaded.

Well, I probably should mention how I got this invitation...

Flashback:

"Come, come, I must take you out to lunch. Yes, yes, come with me. My car is outside." James said to me after a little bit of flirting and me paying for the baby shoes for Yale.

A few hours later, I was at his place. We were making out on his couch and he started tugging his shirt off. Yes, as I suspected, a six pack. Impressive.

I rubbed my hands all over his hard body and gave him kisses. I then took off my shirt like it was the most natural thing to do in the world.

"Not here." I whispered into his ear when I was nibbling it. James responded by lifting me up and carrying me over to his bedroom.

I know I barely knew this guy for about 3 hours, but inside I knew he was the one. Not the one I was going to spend my life with or anything like that, but just the one who should take away my virginity.

James put me on his bed and turned on his stereo. Seems like me and him have the same type of taste in sex mixes. John Mayer's "St. Patrick's Day" was playing.

James slowly undid the buttons on my skirt, and took it off. Kissing my legs as he did so.

I started thinking, if anyone else was doing this to me, I would have felt naked and embarrassed. But James knew how to make me feel confident and natural being naked.

That's when he did it. James took the plunge, and what surprised me most was that it didn't hurt that much.

Well, when you've learned to live with Brazilian waxes since you were about 12, pain isn't anything major anymore.

About an hour and a half later, John Mayer's CD finished, and we were finished too.

James and I lay there spent and drunk on the champagne he drank.

"Come to my Polo Meet tomorrow." James said while kissing my neck. Somehow it felt as if he asked me to jump off a bridge, I would have done it.

End Flashback

I tugged on my Ralph Lauren floral print dress and Audrey Hepburn glasses, compliments of Chuck Bass.

James called and told me to meet him downstairs in the lobby. I practically ran as fast as my Jimmy Choo's would let me.

He greeted me with a wonderful kiss, and then led me to his limo. Well, I don't know how long the trip was since most of the time James tongue was down my throat and I lost track of the hours or minutes, I don't even know.

James led me to a table full of hot British men and left me with a kiss on the cheek. I knew I recognized this one guy from TV. I just couldn't place his name.

They were all very nice and courteous, I learned that the one guy whose name I couldn't place was the Prince of some country. A few minutes after learning everyones name, the game started.

It seemed James was great at many other things besides sex. His team won by tons of points, as someone told me. By the end of the game I still didn't know half of the rules.

As the game was said to be over, he looked right over to me and blew me a kiss. I practically melted in my heels.

I saw all the other girls faces giving me the evil stare and I felt more confident then ever. He was the cutest guy there, and he wanted me!

My Blackberry started to ring and I answered it with a less then polite, "What do you want?" I didn't expect it to be Nate.

"Hey Blair, It's me, Nate." He said. "Oh, okay, it's you. How are you! It's been what, two days since we've last talked?" I replied. "Ya, I think. I've been good. Just kinda lonely since you've been gone. I miss you." Nate said into the phone. "Aww, I miss you too Nate! But I'll be home before you know it." I saw James coming towards our table, "Well, hey, Serena's calling me, call you later. I love you." I said before turning off the phone. James heard the last part of the phone call and asked who it was, "Ugh, just my boyfriend from back home. Nothing major." I said while kissing him.

If you want to know if I felt guilty about speaking about Nate like that, the answer is no. It's not that I didn't love Nate or anything like that, it's just that James made me forget all about him with his kisses.


	4. Ignorance is Bliss

A/N: I do not, in any way, own the Gossip Girl series.

Ch. 4

Hello Lovers and Friends,

I know you all missed me dearly, but I have some very juicy gossip to deliver! B and S are coming home! And no, B will not be bringing J to see the folks. How long can she keep her secret relationship from N? You will all just to have to stick around and find out!

You Know You Love Me,

Gossip Girl

Nate's POV:

"God, I didn't know I would miss Blair this much." I thought to myself as I bought her a dozen red roses from the stand near my house.

Today was the day she was coming home from Paris. With Serena. I used to think Serena was the hottest thing on Earth, but now I think that was just a stage of puberty.

I know Blair has her eating disorder, but in every other way, she seems perfect. I am acting a little mushy right now, but a dime-bag of weed can do that to you.

I thought it would be best to see Blair and Serena come in from JFK high. I'm worried that maybe Blair likes me better this way, high I mean.

"Well, whatever, she still loves me." I said over and over to myself on the ride over to the airport.

Blair's POV

I think the best way to describe my plan on telling Nate about James and I's rendezvous is "Ignorance is Bliss". Nate does NOT need to know.

Well he will know that I'm not a virgin when we do end up having sex, that's just DUH. But I can come up with an excuse for that in no time.

When I stepped off the boarding ramp for the jet, I immediately saw Nate with some red roses. Even while carrying something that would normally look geeky and cliche, he looked so hot.

I ran over to him and practically tackled him into a kiss. I think we stayed like that for about five minutes before Serena interrupted and said her ride was at the pick-up station.

"Okay, bye Serena. Thanks for the trip." I said while pulling her into a fake hug.

"I'm ready, Nate." I whispered in his ear while he was kissing my neck. "What?" He asked. I needed to be Miss Seductress right now, I thought to myself, as I lifted up one eyebrow suggestively.

Nate's POV

As I lay here in my bed cuddled next to Blair, I can't help but think, she must not be a virgin. What type of virgin did what she did? Virgins are always on bottom during sex! In pain! But no, Blair was on top, bottom, and everywhere imbetween.

Don't get me wrong, I liked it, over course I did. But the little voice inside of my head is saying, "She didn't wait for you. She fucked someone else." At first I thought, so what? I did that too. I fucked up with Serena, she didn't.

Okay, that's it. I do NOT care. Okay, I do, but I don't want to know...

Blair's POV

"I love you." I said to Nate as I walked out the door.

I should probably explain the deal with James Vanderbilt...

Well, we kinda just admitted it was a little fling and went our separate ways. No big deal. No feelings were hurt or anything like that. I think from the beginning we both knew that it was a one week type of thing.

We said our goodbyes and promised to write. No addresses were exchanged so we both just said that to make each other feel better.

Good thing Serena doesn't know a thing about my little relationship with James. I don't want any secrets of mine in her knowledge like before when we were little girls.

God am I happy school is over in a week. Which means, a whole two and a half months with Nate. Translation is, a whole two and half months of great sex with Nate.

Nate and I have talked about the idea of going on his parents yacht for the whole summer before we both head off to Yale together.

Now, that idea seems very appealing. I can just picture myself, sunbathing in my Dior bathing suit, and Nate putting lotion on me. It sounds like it's gonna be great.

To celebrate school ending so soon, all the girls and I decided to go clubbing tonight.

I decided to wear my hair as is, because a straightener or curling iron would only make my hair frizzy with all the humidity in the clubs.

I pulled on a black mini-skirt compliments of Prada and a glittery tank top with the Yves Saint Laurent symbol on it.

All in all I think I looked pretty hot. Not to sound snobby in any sort of way, but sometimes you just know you look hot and it's okay to admit it.

I dabbed on some Chanel lip gloss and went out the door.

I always over do it when it comes to drinking. The bartenders even know me by name now. Some may say thats pathetic, but who gives about those mother-fuckers opinions! Okay, I do, but whatever.

The Gossip Page in the New York Times may say I'm a Party Girl, but I take it as a compliment. I think during the whole duration of the night, I may have danced with about 7 different guys, kissed 3 different men or women, I'm not even sure anymore, and had 13 body shots.

I'll be surprised if I don't wake up with a tattoo which says "Socialite" on my ass tomorrow morning.


	5. End up on E!

A/N: I do not, in any way, own the Gossip Girl series.

Ch. 5

Hello Socialites,

Do not worry! I will not disappoint... I heard from some rumors of B's wild night... I hope she's ready for the repercussions. Will N ever know about B and J's affair? Scandalous! Oh, and where, oh where is S!

You Know You Love Me,

Gossip Girl

Blair's POV

I woke up tired and with the biggest headache I've ever had in my whole life. I know I said I haven't had a hangover since forever, well 5th grade to be exact, but I guess I should never say never.

I looked over at the clock and saw 12 AM, and it was Monday wasn't it? Well, who gives. I already got into Yale. All I have to do is show up to graduation. No, I take that back, we had graduation last week. God, you see I'm so hungover that I can't even remember when I had my graduation.

I turned on my Blackberry to find 20 new messages and tons of text messages. I guess something important happened...

Practically all the messages we're just two words. Very dreadful words...

"PAGE SIX!" They all read. Then 2 out of 5 had the message "LOL" at the end.

Of course I did what any other girl in my position would do, I ran downstairs to get the paper. I opened up the newspaper to the gossip section and saw, in all it's glory, a picture of me on top of the bar from the club last night with some hunk with his tongue down my throat. Well at least that's what it looked like.

Okay, first of all, who of my friends can even read enough to want to read the New York Times! And second of all, WHAT THE HELL?

I sat down to read the rest of the story:

_"Seems like our favorite party girl, Blair Waldorf, had a hell of a time last night at the trendiest new club in NYC. Waldorf is seen dancing on the bar with Ralph Lauren's newest top model, Daniel Wilson. _

_Wilson comments that Blair was very drunk and also very hot. He also states for us that Waldorf danced with many other men that night. _

_Other club-goers commented on Blair by saying she looked very skanky and drunk. _

_In other news..."_

I stopped reading there, I was so not interested in the other story about some stupid Charity Ball.

Ugh, what am I gonna do? WHAT THE FUCK AM I GOING TO DO! I bet this crap will end up on E! or something like that... Well, at least the picture was flattering... Oh God what am I thinking! What will Nate say? What about my reputation? What if Yale doesn't want me anymore?

After being stricken by all these questions, was when the tears came. They came for about 30 full minutes. It was just me screaming my head off into my pillow. In no way was I letting my mom know that this was getting me sad, I'd be in therapy before I could count to three.

After I could collect myself, about an hour later, my phone started ringing. Not recognizing the number, I answered it.

"Where's my little skank? You there Blair? It's me, Chuck Bass!" Chuck said into the phone. "What do you want Bass?" I spit back into the phone with what I hoped was venom. "No need to get touchy Blair, you know you love me." He said. Wait, what? Wasn't that that Gossip Girl's saying! Ugh, Whatever. "Bye Chuck." I said before hanging up.

The doorbell rang and I yelled for Marie to get the door. "It's Serena." Marie called up from downstairs. "She's coming up." She yelled. Great, I can't even tell Marie to tell her I'm gone. Nice Marie, real nice.

"Hey, where's my best friend?" Serena said as she poked her head in the door. "Guess what I brought!" She said while walking in. She opened up her Betsy Johnson bag and took out some chocolate samplers and her season 1 "The O.C." DVD.

"Okay, you have to spill the beans. What happened last night? And why didn't you invite me! We could've been in that picture on Page Six together!" Serena said jokingly.

A little voice in my head said, "She probably would do that for you. Back when you two were friends, she was always looking out for you like that." Then the other voice said, "Hey, she fucked your boyfriend... Don't go there."

After I told her the story of the night, or what I remembered of the night, she popped in the DVD and we were slobs for the entire day. It felt nice, and well, right. It had been so long since Serena and I hung out and just watched movies.

Serena left after the movie was over and told me to call her if anyone was mean to me. Typical behavior of Serena. Very protective.

Then a few minutes after she left, my home phone started ringing. I knew it was Nate, because he was the only person who knew my personal home phone number.

"Hello?" I said as I picked up the receiver. "Blair? It's me, Nate. Can you meet me at my place? I think we should talk." Oh shit. "Of course, I'll be there in half an hour. See ya then." I said before hanging up the phone.


	6. No Feelings Involved?

A/N: Hey everyone, I am thankful for that one review I have right now! Yes! Well, anyways, my spring break started on Friday march 4th so, I'm gonna be gone this week, but I am going to give you this extra long chapter to make up for it...

I do not, in any way, own the Gossip Girl series.

Chapter 6

Greetings,

I have some very buzz-worthy news for all you stalkers of my website! Are N and B on the rocks? Did N see the article with his girlfriend, B, practically humping another guy? I hope S is there to catch B when she falls!

Have you heard the news! Chuck Bass is planning the biggest blow-out party of the year... And we've all scored invites! I'll see you all there!

You Know You Love Me,

Gossip Girl

Blair's POV

I knocked on the door of Nate's place and in about two seconds his maid, Isabella, opened the door. She gave me the hairy eyeball and looked over at the newspaper on the kitchen table. Shaking her head in disbelief.

I knew not to waste my time defending my actions, I felt pretty bad about them now...

"Nathaniel is waiting in his room." Isabella said coldly. I nodded and went up the stairs to go to his room.

I knocked twice and then went in. I found Nate's room the way it always was, bedspread made, CD's and DVD's all neatly put up, and I could see The New York Times on his desk. Great.

"Blair." Nate said while getting up and cradling me into his arms. "I'm sorry." I said, but after I did is when I uncontrollably started crying. "You know how I am when I'm drunk, right? You believe that nothing else happened right? Come on, Nate?" I said frantically while pacing the room. "Ya, I believe you. I met that Daniel Wilson at a party once, he was a major asshole so don't worry. But, you didn't mean it right? You were just drunk right? No feelings involved?" Nate asked with none of that hot confidence that I have come to love from him. "No, of course I didn't mean it. I can't even remember what I drank last night. You know I would never do anything to hurt your feelings on purpose right?" I said. But when I said that one sentence about never wanting to hurt his feelings on purpose, my mind drifted back to that fling I had with James Vanderbilt back in Paris. That was intentional wasn't it?

"I love you Nate." I went over and whispered in his ear. "God knows I love you Blair." Nate replied.

I went over to his CD collection and picked out Maroon 5's album. I let it play to the sexy song "Secret" and I went over to his door and locked it.

I pulled Nate into a furious kiss and pulled him onto the bed. As I was kissing his neck and unbuttoning his shirt, I started listening to the song playing...

_Watch the sunrise  
Say your goodbyes  
Off we go  
Some conversation  
No contemplation  
Hit the road  
Car overheats  
Jump out of my seat  
On the side of the highway  
Our road is long  
Your hold is strong  
Please don't ever let go oh no  
I know I don't know you  
But I want you so bad  
Everyone has a secret  
But can they keep it  
Oh no they can't...  
_

I don't know what made me listen to the lyrics, I mean really listen. But all I know is that when I heard it, I immediately felt horrible about my fling with James Vanderbilt. The song talked about everyone having that one secret, but no, it will not stay a secret for too long.

Those few lyrics about saying goodbye to that special person made me also think about James back in Paris. Now I felt so horrible for doing this to Nate. I should make it up to him...

Don't get me wrong by that last paragraph, I have no feelings for James, it's just that of course he's gonna be special to me, I lost my virginity to him, what do you expect?

I started making out pretty heavily with Nate then and there. "Do whatever you want to me Nate. I love you." I whispered seductively. Well, poor guy, he deserves it. I've fucked him over more then one time now, and he knows it, yet he still loves me.

Well, since I've had sex about 4 times now, I think I'm starting to really enjoy it. You know those first 3 times, you're still sort of scared and usually on bottom letting the guy do his thing, but when it's your 4th time, you sort of get used to it.

I could tell Nate was pleased with my skills...

Nate's POV

Okay, Blair is NOT a virgin, but instead of being jealous like I thought I would be, I'm kinda happy.

You know, I always hear about girls getting real clingy and obsessed with the guy who first has sex with them, so I'm thinking the guy who fucked her is in Paris, so I don't have to worry about him popping out of no where and stealing my Blair.

I can just imagine what it would be like if Blair and I did decide to go on that trip on my parent's yacht together. It's no big deal about getting the boat from my parents, they think Blair and I are like the perfect joining of two very important families.

Blair's POV

Tonight's Chuck Bass' party, and I really don't wanna see that son of a bitch. Yes, he gives me great presents but I still can't forget his rudeness.

But yes, one thing I have learned from living with the "Other Half" on the Upper East Side in NYC is that it's always important to make appearances even during crisis' like my spread in the New York Times.

I wore my Robert Cavalli dress and some Manolo heels. I was never really into Cavalli's style, his leopard print designs were way more Serena style. But tonight, I needed to look very confident, because I knew those bitches out there would be talking, and I better at least look good while they do it.

Nate, Serena, and I decided it would be our birthday gift together to end up getting Chuck a tacky limo to his party. Oh no, and not any regular type of limo, but yes, a WHITE one.

Serena was having a blast sticking her head out of the top window and blowing kisses to passer-by's but like hell was I going to let people know, I, Blair fucking Waldorf, was in a white limo.

The entire 30 minute ride to the club with the 3 of us, plus Chuck was awkward. Serena kept poking her head out of the top, and Chuck kept trying to get a glimpse up her mini-skirt.

After she kicked him with her Jimmy Choo's he decided it was a lost cause to try and tap that ass, and moved on to me.

I could already smell the alcohol on his breath so I let him just talk and slur his words at me. He tried to kiss me and Nate was kick to pull him back and move him to his seat on the far side of the limo.

When we rode passed Broadway was when Serena was having a blast. She poked her head in from the top and yelled at me to get up there with her.

At a stop light, she pulled me up there and I tried getting back down but when I looked up and really saw the people and the streets all there in their glory, I was amazed and decided to stay up there.

It was my first taste of celebrity for a really long time. Well not that long, if you count this morning with the Gossip Page.

Serena and I were waving to all the people going "Hey!" and taking pictures. We heard people calling, "Paris! Look over here!" Serena was not very happy with them thinking she was Paris Hilton so she went, "No! Even better! I'm Serena Van Der Woodsen! Beeyotches!" Tons of people then went, "I Love You Serena!" and started asking who the other hottie was. I looked behind me to see anyone was behind me, but no it was just me. "Come on, go with it. Bring out the sexy Blair!" Serena told me.

"You don't know who she is!" Serena yelled. "Come on! Blair Waldorf! Socialite Extrordinare!(A/N: Is that how you spell it?) And my best friend!" There were a lot of I love you's and you're so hot!

When we finally arrived at the club, Serena and I we're on a small little buzz from the limos cheap beer. Serena also promised to follow me around tonight, and if she saw me about to get on a bar top and start dancing, she'd be right there with me.

The rest of the night included me getting drunk, dancing on a table with Serena and the birthday boy and then making out with Nate in our favorite spot, the VIP area.

Oh, and you should see the gift bags for Chuck's party! God, I think this guy is the biggest metrosexual I've ever encountered.

I wonder if he's gay.. Because if he was, that would explain all his behavior in having better fashion sense then me and getting more weekly manicures then me. Hmm...

Nate's POV

Blair was smashed from all that alcohol she had tonight so I decided to let her sleep over at my place.

I was kinda looking forward to getting some, but she passed out the minute she got in my bed.

When she got in bed, I decided to put my plan into action... I called her mom and asked her if she could pack all of Blair's things and said I would be by to pick them up.

Blair's mom didn't even really ask where Blair was going. Ever since Blair's baby sister came 'round Blair's been second fiddle to little Yale. I know it affected her when she first heard the news and had to move out of her room for the nursery, but now, she seems to be in love with little Yale.

About 45 minutes later, I left Blair in my room and went to go get her things.

I got all her matching Chanel suitcases and put them in the Mercedes. I knew Blair would really like my plan, but there was still a part of me that thought she would straight-out turn down my offer to go out on the yacht and wanna stay here and shop or something.

Blair's POV

I woke up with yet, another hangover. I drank some of the kool-aid by the bed-stand and went to pee.

I opened up Nate's medicine cabinet and grabbed some headache medicine.

I changed into the clothing stash I always keep here in Nate's drawers for whenever I slept over. There was a note on the TV that said Nate would be back at about 12 PM.

Well, it was about 11:30, so I decided to turn on his Plasma TV and watch the news.

Nate's POV

I walked up the steps to my room with hesitance, not wanting to freak her out by running up.

"Hey Sweetie, got a hangover?" I asked. "Don't ask." Blair said simply. Okay, not a good start...

A/N: Okay, My spring break has come, but I have something I want you to do for me! Make your own Gossip Girl stories so we can fill up this part of the website! Have a great spring break!


	7. Overexposure

A/N: KristenMilly: Thanks for the review. I understand completely about your comment about the fake article by Page 6. I kind of wanted to write it from the perspective of the younger set of people.

By the way, I adore your stories for Princess Diaries. Especially "Without Words".

Thanks for the reviews!

Oh, and also, I do not, in any way, own the Gossip Girl series.

Chapter 7

Hey Gossip Addicts,

It's me again! The infamous "Gossip Girl". Hmm, I hope I don't become over-exposed, because then I would have to go into hiding. See Paris Hilton for example, her infamous sex tape equaled her going into hiding and wearing tacky Chanel suits. I'm glad that phase is over so Paris and I can go clubbing again...

Back to the news! Will N be successful in getting his little sweetie, N, to go on that wonderful little trip of his? I hear that he plans on going practically around the world with his number one girl.

Other then that, the world is totally boring right now. I only have my favorite little couple to make this little game we call life interesting. Oh what will I do when they leave? Or, should I say, IF they leave...?

Blair's POV

I don't what Nate has to be so fucking chipper about. Oh God is that headache killing me. I don't know what it is about this time of year getting me so hungover all the time. During the winter I was totally cool with 20 martini's but the second I have one beer in the spring, I get hungover for a year.

Oh and finally, Nate has showed up... I feel like punching the son of a bitch. I don't know why, he does look so cute when he's pacing about and acting nervous like he is right now.

"So, I was thinking... We could go on a little trip together, you know on my parent's yacht. Ya, they said we could take it for the summer. But I don't know if you wanna go with me. I mean, it would be just the two of us. I don't know if you want to do that..." Nate blabbed on for about 15 straight minutes before I went, "When would we go?" I said while grabbing my toothbrush and heading for the bathroom. "Well, I was kinda hoping we could set off today. I already called your mom and got your stuff. She says it's all good if you agree to go. But that is, if you even want to go." Nate said.

God do I love him when he's nervous like that. It's so adorable. Nate kept talking for about five minutes before I stopped him with saying, "When do we leave?"

Well, we can just say that Nate was very happy with the news. "But hey, can we go tomorrow? 'Cause I need to buy some clothes for trip. All I have is shitty sweaters and jeans."

"I already have your stuff downstairs so I guess you could spend the night and go buy whatever you want today, while I go take care of everything else. You cool with that?" Nate asked. "Of course. I am just gonna go get ready to go out." I said. I gave him a kiss on the cheek and went over to where my make-up and hair-dryer were.

In about an hour I was ready to go out to SoHo and meet my best girlfriend, well she became my best friend after Serena stabbed me in the back and put salt in my wounds. But that's besides the point. Her name is Natalia. A little background information on Natalia is that she came from Mexico when she was five and her dad is some oil tycoon. So, technically, she is new money. Not very classy, but money is money.

I normally do not like shopping with a friend, since they are always up in your face and telling you what and what not to buy.

It's not like Natalia has better fashion sense then me, she totally doesn't, but she gets really pushy about what I should try on and stuff like that.

I swear, we were in Chanel one day and she was pushing around the salespeople and they were about to kick us out before I bought this like thousand dollar coat as collateral so I could be allowed back in there one day.

Oh ya, and then one day I made her sit with me through a showing of "My Fair Lady" with Audrey Hepburn, my IDOL, and she totally dissed it. I am very glad that I was totally wasted when we watched it, because if I wasn't I would've like beat her to a bloody pulp. Hm, doesn't sound like she's that good of a friend anymore...

Nate's POV

I wasn't really planning on having Blair spending the night but I guess it shouldn't be that bad. All I have to do is play my cards right and maybe I can get lucky. God that would be awesome.

I guess I could sit through another Audrey Hepburn movie. I remember one time I wanted to get lucky I decided it would be a good idea to rent a movie with Audrey, but at the time I had confused Audrey Hepburn with Marilyn Monroe.

Needless to say, Blair was not very happy... Okay, maybe I should explain...

Well, Blair came over, all pretty and shit and then I popped in "Some Like It Hot" and she started freaking out. Blair was nice enough to tell me LATER, that she totally hated Marilyn and thought she was cheap and slutty.

Ya, I didn't get none that night... After I recalled the "Monroe Situation" as I like to call it, I decided against renting a video, in fear of getting her pissed AGAIN.

This was all too much stress, so I decided to go over to Central Park to get my favorite thing. Ya, a dime-bag of weed.

People have been quoted of liking me more when I'm high. Everyone has problems, so what if I'm addicted to weed. No one's perfect.

When I arrived in Central Park I saw all my friends from Trinity playing lacrosse on the field and was tempted to join them, but my need for my blunt was too much and I walked by a little faster when they waved at me and Istarted looking for my dealer.

My dealer, Louis, was no where in sight. I sat down on my usual bench where I did my transactions with Louis. After a few minutes of sitting there, I saw Louis coming down the sidewalk.

Louis looked nervous and I was little surprised. In the pit of my stomach, I knew something was wrong. I stood up and walked away from the bench and started for my friends on the field.

I guess I knew to get up and walk away, since I had already encountered the cops on another occasion for buying a dime-bag from another dealer from before.

I spent about a month or so in rehab and was so bent out of shape from my stay, that I ended up going out with some pale, weird addict.

When I look back at that, I know now I don't wanna ever go back. Even though the rehab building was state of the art, had numerous celebrities, and great amenities. Oh and don't forget the hot tub!

When I reached my friends and started playing some, the guys started talking about how Chuck Bass got arrested. This wasn't very much of a surprise since Bass was always out doing crazy shit, but then they told me he was buying some weed from my dealer, Louis, and little didChuckknow, that Louishad beenarrested about two weeksbefore and was now working for the cops.

Well, Shit.

Blair's POV

After ditching Natalia and heading over to my favorite stores, I was ready to go back to Nate's place.

Maybe I should tell you why I ditched Natalia... Well, apparently she didn't know Nate and I were back together, and so she started talking all this shit about how he was such a stoner and was all over Serena last night at some club.

Well, I knowing, fairly well, that Nate was no where in sight of Serena without me being there, I told her to fuck off and walked away.

Technically I didn't say "Fuck Off", but you get the point. I criticized her trashy Juicy couture shirt and told her it was on sale for 30 dollars at Barney's last time I checked. Yep, that did the trick. She ran off to the bathroom and was there for an hour before the salesclerk told her to leave because she was making a scene.

I don't doubt it will be in all the gossip columns tomorrow, good thing I fled before anyone knew I was there.

In the next few stores I went by, some people stopped me and asked me if I was "THE Blair Waldorf from Page 6". I just smiled and walked on by. Partly because all the people who asked me had little or no fashion sense. Come on, NO ONE wears fanny-pack's anymore.

Oh ya, and it wasn't even the women wearing the fanny-packs. It was the men!

Nate's POV

After my near arrest, I decided to head back home and reflect. If you think reflecting is pouring yourself some Brandy, your my kinda gal.

After an hour of watching previously recorded "Conan O'Brien" episodes, I got my ass off of the couch and checked online to see what restaurants I could take Blair to tonight.

I decided on a chic new restaurant in walking distance from my place. I was confident Blair would like it. Well, she better like it for it's 20 dollar salads. In my heart I knew buying her expensive food was a waste of time because of her eating disorder and all, but it's the thought that counts.

When Blair got home, she took about half an hour to get all her new stuff in the luggage I brought for her, and even longer for her to get ready.

I could say I was annoyed with the wait, but that wouldn't be true. One thing I was certain about Blair, was that she was always worth the wait. When I waited for her to have sex with me, it was great. Also, when I wait for her all the time to get ready and straighten her hair, or something stupid like that, she always looks great.

I drank a little more before she came out of the bathroom and was on a nice buzz when we finally walked to the restaurant.

Blair was wearing a black dress with a real low v-neck. I don't exactly know labels, since I'm a GUY, but I do know she looked hot.

The first thing I notice when we get to the place, is that the guyseating everyone saw Blair and fucking lit up. He walked right over to usand Blair screamed, "Mark!" and then came the "Blair! How's my number one girl?"

You know I'm not a real jealous guy but when they kissed on the cheek and he spent two whole seconds hugging my girl I was feeling a bit awkward.

"Who was that guy?" I asked when we sat down. "Oh, Mark? He's my personal shopper at Barney's." She said nonchalantly. "So he's gay?" I asked hopefully. "Yes, very much so." She said without looking up from her menu. Suddenly she looked up and a smirk was on her face. "Sounds like someone's jealous. You must really love me, huh? Well, then again, you're only human..." Blair said sarcastically.

Then our waiter came... and apparently many people in the food service know and love Blair.

"Tony! What are you doing here?" Blair asked the waiter with blond hair. "Oh, well you know, working till I can get my modeling career off the ground. Question is, what are you doing here?" Tony asked while patting Blair on her shoulder.

I sighed and drank some of my water. "Oh, sorry Nate, this is Tony Miller. We work out together at the club all the time." She said while smiling at him. "Nice to meet you Tony, I'm Nate." I said to him while extending my hand out for him to shake. "Pleasure's all mine." He said while still looking at MY girlfriend. "So, see ya tomorrow at the gym?" Tony asked. "Um, well, about that Tony, I'm leaving with Nate on his boat tomorrow. I guess I won't be seeing you for a while. Sorry." Blair told Tony. YES, shatter his bubble! "Oh, I see how it is... Two-timing me huh?" Tony asked. Then after about five seconds he turned to me and said, "Just kidding, Blair talks about you all the time. I might add, I'm very jealous of you." He said with a smile. "So, it's gonna be the salad for you Blair and the soup for you as an appetizer?" Tony asked before heading to the kitchen with our order.

Through the night, when I saw Blair smiling at all the people in the restaurant, drunkenly of course, and then getting a few martini's, I could only think of one song.

I, myself, never really liking John Mayer's type of music was surprised at what song jumped into my head when I saw how Blair was acting. "Neon" kept playing over and over in my head...

_Sky blue gets dark enough  
To see the colors of the city lights  
A trail of ruby red and diamond white  
Hits her like a sunrise _

She comes and goes  
And comes and goes  
Like no one can

Tonight she's out to lose herself  
And find a high on Peachtree street  
From mixed drinks to techno beats  
It's always heavy into everything

She comes and goes  
And comes and goes  
Like no one can  
She comes and goes  
And no one knows  
She's slipping through my hands

She's always buzzin just like  
Neon, neon, neon, neon  
Who knows how long, how long, how long  
She can go before she burns away

I can't be her angel now  
You know it's not my place to hold her down  
And it's hard for me to take a stand  
When I would take her anyway I can

When she excused herself to the bathroom after we finished desert, I felt like the food was all just a waste of time and money since she was probably in there puking it back out. But then when she came back smiling, I felt better. I guess there's something about that mega-watt smile that her dentist gave her when she was thirteen that always made things better for me.

And as John Mayer said in his song,_ I can't be her angel now. You know it's not my place to hold her down. And it's hard for me to take a stand. When I would take her anyway I can._

I guess those few lines make up our entire relationship. Blair with her eating disorder gets me really annoyed at times, but I know that it's her thing and she seems fine with it, and I can't say anything, what with my addiction to weed, I don't seem like a great mentor. And what he said was true, I would take her anyway I can, with her eating disorder and all.

Blair's POV

We walked home after I made a pit-stop at the bathroom to get rid of my food. All in all, the night was great. I got to see Nate when he's jealous. Which was a first, since I'm always the one snarling at him and whomever is flirting with him at a club.

Yes, I drank a bit, but I know my limits, and I know tomorrow is an important day so I decided not to get hammered tonight and just let Nate get lucky instead.

Oh, ya, and in case you're wondering. The sex was great. _  
_


	8. Preggers

Author's Note: Thanks to everyone for reviewing. Constructive criticism is always welcome. It means to me that you all are actually reading my story and care enough to tell me what needs fixing. Thank you all.

In this chapter, there will be no Nate's POV. It's all about Blair this time...

Enjoy!

Chapter 8

Hey Hey Hey,

Oh yes, school is almost out of session! I don't even know what I'm going to do first. There are just so many possibilities, hang out with Leo, party with Tobey, make-out with Brad... Decisions, decisions!

I know you all want to know the great gossip I have collected for you all, and you know I do not disappoint (I never do!).

The bags are all packed for B and N's fabulous get-away. Yes, I am very sad that I was not invited on this little trip, but I'll get over it. Oh God, all those days they will be spending together might take a strain on their perfect little relationship... Oh I hope so!

You Know You Love Me,

Gossip Girl

Blair's POV

I guess today's the big day. I don't really know why I'm not that enthusiastic about leaving. God knows I've had enough of the Big Apple. Yes, it only has been about two months since I went on my last big trip, but going to school with tons of hormonal girls can get you very stressed.

The one thing I'm very happy about, is leaving all the scandalous gossip. Yes, I admit it, I check out Gossip Girl's website once in a while, but I'm kinda ticked off at Ms. Gossip Girl. It seems like she is never going to fucking tell us who she really is.

The only comfort of that problem is that I believe G.G. is probably some 40 year old Math teacher at school with an obsession for rich teenage girls.

I went downstairs to Nate's kitchen and got myself a cup of coffee. In the stainless steel fridge they have, I caught a glimpse of myself. Great. Major bed-head. I ran some fingers through my unruly hair, got my cup of Joe, and wentback upstairs to the main bathroom.

About the same time I was about to open the door, it flew open and out walked a very seductive looking woman. "Hey Blair. How you doing?" She asked and then walked over to where Mr. Archibald and Mrs. Archibald's room was after I nodded to her.

I recognized the lady as one of Mr. Archibald's mistress'. When I first met Loretta, the mistress, I automatically dismissed her as a hoe, but after spending so many nights at Nate's, I knew I probably looked pretty skanky too, so I learned to accept her always being here.

I guess I had gotten used to the idea of so many of the popular and powerful men having women on the side. I thought, at first, it was very sad and disgusting. But I soon realized I needed to get out of my dream world and stop being so naive.

I stepped in the bathroom and looked in the secret place where I always stashed my toothbrush and comb. I didn't want to let on to his parents that I actually spent the night at their homeso many times that I needed a toothbrush and comb.

While I was trying to comb out the knots I got in my hair after my night with Nate, I started thinking. If Nate and I ever did get married, I wonder if he would ever cheat on me or even go as far as to get a mistress...

The answer was, of course he would, I've seen enough cheap films and read enough books to know about males having their mid-life crisis'. I guess when I was growing up and going out with Nate, I figured I would always be good enough to where he would never even think of being with another woman.

But then I was woken up with the realization that Nate had already cheated on me. In eighth grade. With Serena. My ex-best-friend. I guess learning that new information about three and half months ago made me get really philosophical when it came to my relationship with Nate.

After combing one side of my head about 30 brushes, I realized what I was doing and moved to the next piece of hair. After thinking more and more about Nate and I's relationship with one another, I started coming to the realization that, how could I ever go back to someone who cheated on me? Yes, in actuality, Nate was a great boyfriend all the time. But, then again, he cheated on me, with my BEST FRIEND. This is the kind of drama that gets on "The Maury Show" or even "Ricki Lake".

It was at that moment that I put down the comb and stared at myself long and hard in the mirror. After about five minutes of just looking in the mirror, I thought, "I think it's time for me to go."

And with that, I changed into my gym pants and a tank top, grabbed all my stuff, and walked home. I guess it didn't hit me of what I was doing until I got home. Before I left Nate's house, I saw him, sleeping so carelessly. Nate was still cuddling the pillow I put in my place when I got up to go to the kitchen.

I went straight to my room with all my bags of crap. I went up the stairs and took a left to my room. But when I opened the door, I saw a totally pink nursery. Oh ya, I forgot, I was kicked out of this room when my mom got married to some ass and got preggers.

I saw Marie sitting on the rocking chair holding my baby sister, Yale. I grunted andyelled forMarie to leave. I walked over to where Yale was laying now in her crib.

I saw her perfect face, her beautiful hair, her small little hands, and her cute little couture clothing and was, at first, very jealous. But then, after watching her open her pretty little eyes and stare right at me, my heart sank.

No wonder everyone fell in love with perfect little Yale. She was beautiful. I lifted her up and carried her in my arms for about an hour and then came to the decision of taking her out for a walk.

I dressed her up in some cute Burberry and those pink baby moccasins I bought for her in Paris. I kissed on her pretty little cheeks and we went on our first walk in the city together.

I decided before we left, that it would be adorable if I wore my Burberry pants and white coat so Yale and I could match. When we arrived in the entrance of Central Park, we got many points and stares from envious, less fashionable mothers.

They all came over to the stroller to come see the beautiful little baby and her sister. "Is she yours?" They would all ask. I was tempted to say yes, but then I thought, eww, I'm barely 18, hell no. So I answered with a smile and "No, we're sisters." Then came the "Cute" from everyone.

After about an hour, my Manolo boots were killing me. I needed a minute to take a breath and take off these killer boots.

I was about to take off my boots and walk in my socks, but reason took over the pain part of my brain. "Just two more blocks before we're home free Yale!" I said to my baby sister when we got near our place.

During the walk which I tookmy baby sisteron, I thought of Nate a lot. I knew he would be awake now and wondering where I was. I don't know what he would think when he would see everything of mine, including me, gone.

I'm sure he's a little worried, or at least I hope he is. Good thing I left my phone at home so I wouldn't have to be constantly dodging his calls.

When I got back home, I heard my phone beeping and ringing like crazy. I had no doubt it was Nate so I just let it ring. I knew this must really be hurting his feelings. I know I would have been devastated if I woke up curled up next to a pillow that said, "WE'RE OVER!" with big black letters.

Yes, a bit dramatic of me, but I must always go big in whatever I do...

I put Yale back in her crib, snapped my fingers to get Marie back in the nursery, and went over to my room, the right one, to go online.

No one besides Serena was interesting enough to even talk to, so I stooped to actually talking to her and being a little bit nice...

NYHeiress: Hey, it's me Blair.

RichGrl77: Hola amiga! What's going on?

NYHeiress: I broke up with Nate. Let's go out somewhere. Shopping therapy perhaps? Yes, that's a good idea. You up for it?

RichGrl77: Very much so. Meet you at Barney's? Let me just get my daddy's credit card.

NYHeiress: Sounds good. See you there.

NYHeiress7 Has Signed Off.

Shopping with Serena sounds like it could be fun... But you never know what could happen with her around. Yes, all the sales-people love her, but I don't mean possibly getting kicked out of a store, I mean having to talk to her about breaking up with Nate.

When I left, I flagged down a taxi and got there after getting stuck in traffic and arrived at Barney'sfifteen minutes later then the time I was supposed to meet Serena.

I walked in to see Serena doing just fine without me. She was already chatting it up with my personal shopper! The last tid-bit of their conversation I was unlucky enough to catch, "Did you ever consider being a model?".

I was already ticked off at Serena for practically stealing my personal shopper, but when she saw me, she walked right over to me and gave me a hug, saying "Sorry about what happened." about fifteen times.

Serena's sympathy made me feel tons better, even though, ironically, she was the reason I even broke it off with Nate in the first place.

Luckily, while we were shopping she didn't bring up the break-up once. I was very relieved since I know from personal experience that when Serena gets you talking, you spill the beans. And I did not want her to know that I dumped him for her.

About three hours later, Serena and Ihad done plenty of damage and were ready to go to the Ice Cream Parlor down the street.

It was a ritual of Serena and I'sever since we were in fifth grade to go get some ice cream after we spend a butt-load of money shopping together.

After I got my plain vanilla and Serena got her chocolate ice cream, we sat down in a retro little booth, and just looked out the window at all the busy people in their business suits. We were both a little shocked when we heard a little girl practically scream, "OHMYGOD! Charlotte! Look it's Serena and Blair! OHMYGOD! Get a napkin and pen!" She said to her friend looking just as shocked as her.

I exchanged amused glances at Serena who seemed to be eating this attention up scoop by scoop. While we were autographing their little napkins they kept going on and on about how they see us in Us Weekly all the "freaking" (as they said) time.

When they left I was still a little out of it. I got questionable stares from all the other people in the ice cream shop and all I could was shrug. Serena and I took the hint and got out of there as soon as we were finished.

Serena and I walked out of the parlor laughing our asses off and when I grabbed my stomach since it hurt so much from laughing, I got to glance across the street. I heard the snapping of a camera lens. I looked a little closerat some guy dressed in completely black where thesound seemed to be coming from,and then noticed he had this huge camera directed at both Serena and I. Serena and I were still laughing when I pointed in the direction of the mysterious man. "Serena, Blair, over here!" He yelled. I was utterly confused. "Just go with it. You don't wanna look bad when you land on the cover of People do you?" Serena asked sarcastically. She started posing and throwing kisses at the photographer so I decided to go with it.

For about five minutes Serena and I were posing for the man and giggling. The man kept making comments like "Oh that's good." and "Great shots girls!".

I finally asked him who the heck this guy even was, and he replied with, "Alex Daniels at your service." After a few more shots, he kept pressing the button to take the picture but it wouldn't snap, "Ah shit. I'm out of film."

"So, Alex. Who do you work for?" Serena asked with her voice full of seductiveness. Serena nudged me with her elbow, as though to say, "Go along with it. Trust me, it's fun."

I trusted my instincts and we both walked across the street arm in arm. "Well, that's a secret." He said.Serena and I were not having this little act of not telling us. "Oh come on, Alex. You can tell us. We won't tell no one." I said to him while grabbing his hand. "Umm, you really won't? Promise?" He asked. "Boy Scout's Honor!" Serena said. "Okay, I'll tell you..." Alex then looked in both directions to see as if someone was watching him. "It's for tomorrow's Us Weekly. They're doing a whole two-page spread on you two. They say you two are the next big thing. I think these photos are gonna be good enoughto be sold to Seventeen, People, stuff like that." He answered. "Well thank you very much Alex. We'll see you around." Serena answered before grabbing my hand and hauling me in a taxi that she had flagged down while Alex was explaining.

"The guy's full of shit, right?" I asked when we got in the cab. "Do you want him to be?" Serena asked with a twinkle of her eye. "Well I don't know. It would be so great to see all those girls out there being so envious of us." I replied. "So I guess that would be a yes." Serena said. "Ya, the guy's for real. I've seen him taking pictures of some famous people at clubs I've been to." Serena Explained. "And trust me, you looked hot. And well, you know, I ALWAYS look hot!" She said. Serena said the last part sarcastically, but the cab driver didn't realize it, so he looked back at us with an arched brow. "What, you want some of this?" Serena asked him. The cabbie turned right back around real quick.


	9. Taste of Celebrity

Author's Note: Thanks to everybody for reading my story. I really am thankful for the reviews!

Once again, I do not, in any way, own the Gossip Girl series. Too bad!

Chapter 9

Hey Guys,

It's Saturday! New York club's are just waiting for us hot teenage rich kids to go and party in their places! I don't know about you, but I'm thinking there is gonna be some very scandalous stuff going down tonight!

In other news, B and S! Could it be! Can they really be friends again? Well from the looks of all the tabloids that arrived at my door this morning, it seems true!

And this morning, I received confirmation from reliable sources, that B and N are really over. How sad. Well not really. I always liked sad endings better then fairy tales.

You Know You Love Me,

Gossip Girl

Blair's POV

I still didn't believe Serena. How could a guy wanna take pictures of us? Maybe Serena, but they are always wanting to take her picture. Like Us Weekly would give a flying fuck about two rich girls?

"Still don't believe me?" Serena asked while throwing me a magazine while I still lay in bed. "What the fuck Serena? I'm trying to be a bum and lay in bed all morning." I then looked at the clock. "It is only 7 in the morning right now. Go take your sugar-high somewhere else." I said. "Oh shut up. Just look at it." Serena said while pointing at the magazine.

I picked it up and on the cover was Jen and Brad. Again. Okay, whatever. On the side column though, it said in big letters "What's Hot?" and then a huge picture of Serena and I yesterday.

I looked up from the cover with a huge goofy smile on my face. "Is this for real Serena?" I asked over and over again. Then she would answer with a "YES!" and then would start jumping on the bed.

I checked the table of contents and went to the two page spread of Serena and I. We were both pretty happy with how it came out. There were diamonds as the border and pink everywhere. I read the story about us, including where our money came from, how old we were, if we had boyfriends, favorite stores, things like that. And I have to say, the pictures were hot!

"Remember the photographer from yesterday? Alex? Well, he called last night to ask us about our stats and stuff. Do you mind that I told him you were single? 'Cause you know, it doesn't matter if you are or not in these mags, they just want you to be available so boys all over the world can be salivating at the mouth for you." Serena asked. "Of course I'm fine with being single. I am, aren't I? Don't worry about it." I said. "Well you know Blair," Serena started while walking over to her closet and picking out something to wear. "They invited us to a party for the release of the magazine. Wanna come?" She asked. "Tons of celebrities, tons of booze, and tons of photo-taking possibilities..." She went on, looking dreamily at her closet.

I thought about the options for about a full second. "Duh Serena. I'm gonna go." I said indignantly.

Nate's POV

Between my third and forth beer that day, I finally asked myself, "Why the fuck would she leave anyways?".

I had been cooped up in my house for about two full days now. Since Blair left me actually. When I think back to my relationship with Blair now, I see that I had never actually been depressed about all the other times Blair had dumped me.

I guess because in those earlier instances, I actually knew why I was being kicked to the curve, and not have to guess why in the hell she would go away.

I checked myself out in the mirror when I wentto the bathroomthe last time to take a piss. I looked pretty shitty. My usually sparkly clean face had now grown some disgusting-looking facial hair. I cursed at my reflection and I thought, "Maybe I should shave... Or at least take a bath."

After getting out of the shower, I decided I needed to go out and get some fresh air. I pulled on my jeans and a shirt and ended up on Park Avenue. After a few more blocks, I didn't even know where I was going, but I couldn't stop walking.

About two blocks later, I was in front of Blair's building. I was tempted to go inside and check out what was going on with her, but the doorman wouldn't let me in.

"Sorry Mr. Archibald, no one's home. I can't let you up." He said. I nodded and went to McDonald's to get some fries, depressed.

Blair's POV

It was about 7 o'clock at nightby the time I even left Serena's place. I was surprised, since I'm always out and about, grabbing the next new bag, or the hot new Seven jeans.

Serena flagged a taxi when we both got down from her place to the street. I got in the cabbie a little tired, since I hadn't even moved more then a full block for the entire day, and I was just forced to run down six levels on the stairs with Serena. That was totally her idea.

Serena told the driver to drop us off at MAC, and we arrived in about ten minutes. She paid the guy and we both hopped out. We then walked down the street and went into the store.

When we both sat down to get our faces done for the big party that night, the make-up artist asked us if we saw the guy outside taking our picture. "No, someone was out there?" I asked. "Ya, he was in the bushes. He's always around, always hunting down celebs." Our make-up stylist said. Then she arched a brow and asked, "Hey, you two look familiar. Your Blair and Serena aren't you?" We both nodded and smiled to ourselves. "Ya, some of my friends say they see you sometimes in clubs and stuff like that."

"Oh well, that's nice." I said without taking my eyes off the newest issue of Vogue. I wasn't really up for conversation, but apparently Serena was. She talked to her about every possible subject under the sun, ranging from politics to this season's fashion. Who even knew she cared about this year's election!

"Serena. I need to get laid." I said bluntly to her after the lady had left us alone for about five minutes. "Whoa, where did that come from?" She asked while putting some more eyeshadow on. "Well I just need to get some ass. Let's get some tonight?" I asked while putting up my hand for her to high-five. "Whatever you want." Serena said while high-fiving me.

The rest of the time we had before the party we were in the nearby hair salon getting our hair done. As the guy washing my hair was working away, I thought about tonight...

"Do I want to be a celebrity?" I would ask myself over and over again. I have no skills inanything else besides partying amd tennis. Would that make me a Paris Hilton? Good God I hope not.

Maybe some pictures in the tabloids would be fun. I could tell my grandkids all about them,and I could actually look back on my life, when I'm old and gray, and think, Wow, I actually did something with myself that made me famous...

After about ten minutes of pondering on the dilemma, I came to my conclusion. I AM going to go and dance on tables, drink tons of shots, get buzzed, and get my picture taken.

Oh, and you can't forget, get laid.

It's about 10 P.M. right now, and I can't fucking decide what to wear... Right now, it's between the gorgeous tank top full of sequins which spells out "Heiress" with my mini-skirtor the plain V-Neck little black dress.

I was holding them both in front of my body andlooking at my reflection when Serena came in. "Do you plan on going to a cocktail party Blair?" She asked sarcastically. "Uh, well, no." I replied. "The "Heiress" shirt would look much better on camera. Now hurry up. We're already fashionably late." She said, with a snap of her fingers.

I pulled on the tight shirt which ran down all the way to naval and slipped on the mini-skirt. I fixed up the piece of hair that got messed up when I put on the shirt, dabbed on some more lip gloss, and then met Serena in the living room.

I saw her there, drinking some Kool-Aid in a black leather mini-skirt and a shirt with theword "Serena" on it with Swarvoski crystals on it.

"Finally?" She asked, annoyed. "Yes, your highness." I said sarcastically. With that, we took the elevator down to the street, thenI flagged down a taxi, and told him to drop us off at the club.

Not surprisingly, there was a line for the cab to wait in before he could drop us off at the entrance. "Good luck girls." He said to us after we paid him and got out of the cab.

Serena and I smiled to each other when we got on the red carpet where the paparazzi were. Serena whispered in my ear, "Come on, have some fun. Don't worry, you won't remember this in the morning."

After about twenty minutes of taking pictures for the guys outside, we went into the party. The party-planner at the door gave Serena a kiss on the cheek and then moved onto me to give me one also. I was nice enough not to ask who the hell she was, but Serena told me later, she knew her from some other party where she got her tons of press. I suspect the lady was eternally thankful.

Inside, the party was in full swing. Techno beats and new-age Hollywood stars were everywhere. I recognized practically everybody from some show or movie I had seen recently. I was a bit starstruck to say the least.

"You said you wanted to get laid, right?" Serena whispered in my ear. She then grabbed my hand and led me to the bar. Serena ordered us drinks and then yelled, "Danny!", the photographer from the day before. He turned around from where he was sitting on the bar with his camera, scoping out the party.

"Hey, how my favorite party-girls doing?" He asked after swallowing his shot. "Pretty good." Serena answered. "You gonna take some pictures of us or not?" She asked. "Of course, of course." He replied.

Serena grabbed me into one of her seductive poses and told me to follow her lead. Five minutes later, his film ran out and he left to go get some more.

I swallowed down mydrink and walked off to the dance floor. I started dancing with some random guy and then it turned into this whole big circle of people watching. I heard the whispers of, "Hey, that's the rich girl..." and "Oh, it's the heiress!".

I sucked up all the attention like a sponge. They're stares just made me dance harder and faster. When the strobe light hit us I finally saw who the guy I was dancing with even was.

I recognized him from some hit-show on ABC. After about two more songs, he pulled me off the dance floor to get another drink. He sat me down on the barstool and introduced himself after we got our drinks.

"I'm Andrew Walter. You're a great dancer, ya know." He said. "Pleasure to meet you Andrew. I'm Blair Waldorf. You're not too shabby at dancing either." I counted the beer I had then as about the third that night. All in all, I thought of myself as pretty tipsy. "Find me at the end of the night." I said with a wink. Okay, I am definitely drunk right now. But who gives, he's gonna fuck me! "I'll be looking." He said as I was leaving with another drink.

I tried to look for Serena but there were so many other blonds, that I couldn't even begin to look for her.

Moving closer to the dance floor, I looked for my next dance partner. I decided to push my luck and just start dancing in the middle of the floor and hope for the best.

As a new song started I moved my body to the beat and then out of no where some two guys came up to me and got on both sides of me.

For the next few songs, I was with them. They then introduced themselves as Adam and Taylor. They said they were gonna start modeling for Guess this season. Great. They're gay.

After I left themto go to the area with the sofas, I saw them start dancing together. Yep, my gay-meter is never wrong.

I landed with a plunk on this really comfy sofa and just sat there. Could have been two minutes to even two hours that I just sat there. I just saw everyone moving and dancing and I got into a trance. I couldn't take my eyes off of this one couple in the corner making out. A blond, whom I recognized as Serena, and a red-head. Hey, that red-head looks familiar. Hmm, wait, no I recognize him! Chuck Bass! OHMYGOD.

I guess Chuck got off his jail sentence for good behavior, naw, scrap that, he's probably just letting his Dad pay him out.Yes, that sound more like the Chuck I know. But why in the hell is Serena making out with that perv!

Anyways, for about five minutes, I was vomiting in my mouth from watching them make-out with each other's tongues downone another'sthroats.

I looked across at the other person sitting in a couch and there he was, Andrew Walter, in all his glory.

His green eyes staring at my intently, his blond hair in the rugged bed head way that you might see Jude Law wear it, minus the receding hairline. Andrew was wearing this plain green t-shirt and blue jeans with their share of holes and bleach stains.

Something about just how rugged and carefree he looked, attracted me to him. Before I knew what I was doing, I was walking over to himand making myself comfortable in his lap. Yes, now it's for sure, I'm so far gone, that it's not even funny.

He started to say something like "Hey beautiful" or something equally cheesy, but I stopped him with putting my finger to his lips,then I startedmoving my finger slowly down to where his shirt button was.

With no need for words, he put his handto the back of my head and pulled my lips towards his for a passionate kiss. With all my experience with kissing, he was on the top of my list. I guess those acting coaches teach them to kissvery, verywell.

I saw Danny, the photographer, taking a picture of us making out when I did finally come up for air. I decided then and there, that I was not going to be Serena's Nicki Hilton to her beingParis Hilton. I was NOT going to be her sidekick, who got married for about an hourjust to steal some attention from her sister to herfor about a second. I was going to branch out on my own, and Andrew Walter was all I needed to do so.

And with that, I pulled him into another deep kiss. With Danny there, taking his photo.


	10. My Goodies

Disclaimer: I do not, in any way, own the Gossip Girl Series.

Chapter 10

Blair's POV

About two hours after I started my make-out session with Andrew Walter, this big bouncer came and tapped on my shoulder. I looked up, a little pissed, but, hey, I was enjoying myself...

"Time to go. It's about 4 A.M." I then tried to stand up and get on my feet, but I stumbledout ofmy own drunkenness and fell to the ground. About a second after I fell I was back up with my two feet on the ground, thanks to Andrew.

"You're good..." I slurred my words to him. "I try my best." Andrew said with a wicked grin. "Let's go to your place?" I asked, batting my eyelashes at him. "Ya, ya, um, let's go get a cab." He said while carrying me by my arm. I knew he couldn't fight the temptation of my goodies when I bat my pretty little eyes at him.

"Blair? I suggest you try to look a bit sober right now, some paparazzi are still outside waiting for us to leave." He said to me. "Yes, sir." I said to him while nearly tripping ona rug.

Some people were now turning on the lightsin the club, and I noticed we were the only ones there. I saw a mirror out of the corner of my eye, and ran over to fix my hair and put on some lip gloss for the cameras.

I looked pretty decent for spending a very long time making out with some celebrity. I fixed some pieces of hair in the back of my head which Andrew managed to mess up while kissing me. "Ready?" He asked, while coming up from behind me and kissing my neck.

I nodded and he then led mefrom the way I came in with Serena. Speaking of Serena, where the hell is she? I hope she is not off fucking Chuck Bass. Eww, that would be the most disgusting thing I'd thought in a long time.

One of the PR girls that was still lingering around the club after the party was over, came towards us, gave us kisses on the cheek, and then opened the door for us.

I was going to thank her, but thought better of it, this girl was probably going to be calling PageSix tomorrow morning to tell them the scoop about me and my new boy-toy.

The minute I got away from the few people out there waiting for me to leave so they could take their picture, I was on a high. I don't know what it is about me, but I always feel better when people are out there calling my name, or talking about me. Some others may think it's annoying or something like that, but on the inside, if you dig deep enough, you get the feeling that you're special enough that people want to talk about you.

Inside my handbag, I felt the vibration of my phone. I checked my Blackberry to see what it was, and saw I had a few missed calls.

I checked my voice mailand erased themany pathetic messages from Nate, and I then moved onto the message I received from Serena. "Getting lucky tonight, huh? Well, me too! And you'll never guess with! I'll save all the juicy gossip for tomorrow. If under any circumstances you need to come home, you have your key. Love ya lots, Serena. MUAH!"

I think I have a very good guess about whom she's doing the nasty with... But hey, that's her business. Ya, right.

Andrew and I arrived at his place in The Village in about thirty minutes. I hopped out of the cab as soon as he paid, and I was in a race to get to the door. I think I might have been in a race by myself, but it was fun.

Andrew finally caught up with me in the elevator, and I could tell he was pretty happy he getting some tonight. "So..." I said awkwardly. "Ya, so..." He said, playfully. About two seconds later he walked over to where I was andgot me in one of the corners.

He pressed his lips against mine in a rough, yet passionate kiss. At first I was little surprised since throughout the entire evening, I was the one all over the poor guy.

When I started nibbling on his ear, I heard the groans from his mouth and the random, "Blair." When I was finally starting to getinto our little make-out session, thecrappy elevator decided to start working and carried us to the third floor where his loft was.

Andrew walked out of the elevator and started towards the right of his apartment. I had no other choice but to follow. "The tour, my lady." He said with an exaggerated bow. I started giggling. As soon as I started, I guess it must have been the alcohol,I couldn't stop.

Once I finally caught my breath and got back a little bit of my composure, I walked over to stereo system, which I recognized as one like the one in my room. I looked at him, winked, turned back to the stereo, and turned it on to Coldplay's "Rush of Blood To The Head" CD.

I saw a fluffy looking mattress on the floor and went for it. Once I was comfortably settled in a position, which I hoped looked seductive. I pointed my finger at him and then at the bed, as if to say, "You coming or what?"

I know the way I'm acting doesn't seem like I'm being myself right now, but probably because I'm not. Once I've had a few drinks in my system, I'm a completely different person...

Andrew started walking towards where I was laying, tugging his shirt off along the way. I could wait to touch his great muscles and kiss him in every single place possible.

When he finally got near enough to me, I practically tackled him onto the mattress. Let's just say, he wasn't mad about his head hitting the floor when I tugged him down with me.

I counted this sexual encounter as my fifth. It seems to just getting funner and funner everytime. I guess that's to be expected, but I was a bit surprised.

I had promised myself after watching all those sleazy movies with some blond bimbo totally moaning some guy's name, that I would NEVER do that.

But during our, uh, you know what, I was practically yelling Andrew's name over and over again. I suppose it's normal, but I didn't want to wake up the neighbors, so I toned down the volume a bit.

When I woke up the next morning, at 9 A.M., by what the clock next to the bed told me, I was alone. I guess I was a little freaked out, since only after I was done didI finally got a look around. In the corner of the humongous room, I saw Andrew, eating some pancakes.

"My, you change quick. I would have called you over, but I didn't want to make an echo." He said while looking around the room. He, as I, was little amazed too at how big his place was. "You know, the show Iact forgave me this place. They said it was right next to the set, but apparently close, is about twenty blocks." Andrew said, laughing. "Come, come over here."

I walked over kicking my shoes along the way with me. I was still a little worried the guy was going to send me packing right then and there, kicking my shoes where everI went was just a precautionso I wouldn't have to take that long a walk of shame from the mattress, all the way to the door. It would be much easier and quicker if Ijust put my shoes on real quick and run the hell out of there when he gave me the boot.

"You want some waffles? I got plenty." Andrew asked me. He pointed to a chair by his, but I was a little sad that I had to decline his offer.

It wasn't that I had somewhere very important to be or anything like that, it was just that, when we were younger, Serena and I would make up all this etiquette for every possible thing. It just happened that one time wewere playing,we strolled onto the topic of sex. Serena said that it wasn't proper at all to eat breakfast with the man you've just fucked. (We were about eleven years oldwhen we came up withthese rules...)

She said, the first thing you need to do, is run home and brush your teeth. "Think about thebodily fluids you just swapped with this boy!" Serena would say over and over again.

"Sorry, but I have to go meet a friend at the apartment. She's probably worried sick." I said with a frown. I really was very depressed on having to go. "Well, when you have to go, you have to go. But hey, let me give you my phone number so you can call me. I have this premiere to go to, and I was wondering if you wanted to go..." He started saying.

By the time he finished his sentence, I already had my Blackberry out, and was setting his number in my phone book. I handed my digits over and I was out the door.

By the time I reached the bottom level in the elevator, I heard my phone ringing in my bag. I reached for it and answered, "It's been too long, you know." Andrew said sarcastically. I giggled into the phone. "Yes, we should meet up again very, very soon." I said. "Well, you know, you are only two floors down, you could come up real quick..." He trailed off into the phone. "I HAVE to go!" I said while laughing. "Oh okay, okay. Don't go breaking my heart like that..." Andrew said, sneaking a laugh in once in a while. "Fine! Be back soon..." He soon settled.

I was still smiling and giggling now and then when I walked out of the building. I looked up to where Andy's loft was, and I saw him poking his body out of the window waving and blowing kisses down to me.

I thought, if this was anybody else, I would be puking from just how corny he looks. But right now, he just looks so, so, adorable. I started blowing kisses up to him until I heard the snapping of something I knew all too well.

Andy and I both turned around to see four camera-men taking pictures of the scene taking place between Andrew and I. I looked back up to Andrew who was already telling them to leave me alone. "Call a cab!" He yelled down at me.

Damn, where have all the cabs in New York City gone! I kept waving my hand frantically at all the cabbies full of passengers passing by, but I couldn't manage to find an empty one.

"So, Blair, how long have you and Andrew Walter been seeing one another?" One of the paparazzi asked me. I didn't know what to say... If I said the truth and told them I met him just the night before, I would seem like the slut of the decade. But, if I lied, would Andy be mad?

Oh fuck it, "No comment." I said while hopping into a cab I was lucky enough to find.

I told the cab driver to drop me off at Serena's apartment and to hurry up a bit. I couldn't wait to tell her all about my new boyfriend du-jour. (A/N: Is that how you spell it? Spell check didn't help a darn.)

When I arrived at her place, I had to beg for about five minutes to the new Bellman to even let me in. After handing over a twenty dollar bill, he vowed not to forget me ever again.

I guess the guy let whoever else had about twenty bucks into the building. I saw about two people pacing around in the lobby and I heard the random, "Where's Serena?" and "Do you think she's on the 5th or 10th floor?" while I was waiting for my elevator.

I kept my sunglasses on high enough to make sure they wouldn't identify who I was. I guess those guys out there were WAY too obsessed over Serena to notice her best friend right there.

Just as I stepped out of the elevator to get on her floor, I saw some red hair swishing byout of the corner of my eye I looked to see who it was, but all I could see was the back ofsome cute red head a few years younger then me who had a blazer on, with the button down shirt tucked half in and half out. You know the kind of look you get after you're in a hurry to get your clothes on? Ya, that was it.

Before I could see his face, theelevator's door closed. Ah, shit.

By the last split second of seeing the back of his head, I recognized him as the guy making out with Serena last night. And, that was definitely NOT Chuck Bass.

I started digging through my purse to find the "Rich Girl" key chain, which Serena gave me,with her apartment's key on it. I guess it was stuck on the bottom of my purse because I had to get on my knees to reallysearch deep enough in my purse to look for it.

When I looked up, I saw a figure looking at me from above. I raised my head slowly. I checked out the shoes, Prada. Nice. Pants, Diesel. Nice. Shirt, Guess. Okay, not so nice, but acceptable. Face, Nate. Not acceptable! Red sirens! They are going off and onin my head now!

Okay, key to this is, stay cool. (I learned that from this show about PR on MTV. "When a star is going ballistic, stay cool!") "Oh, hi Nate. How are you doing?" I asked politely. "Blair? How do you think?" He said bluntly. Well, I thought I should be mad at him for being mean, but in my heart, I knew I deserved whatever he said at me. "Okay, sorry, stupid question." I said. "But, if it makes you feel any better, I'm sorry for leaving really quick on you the other day." I mumbled. "Really quick, you say? Understatement of the year, Blair." He whispered harshly, since aold lady had just come out with her Hermes doggie bag and toy poodle.

"Look what a cute couple, Foofy-Fu." The old hag said to her dog. Now what about that as the understatement of the year! Okay, maybe that wasn't the right usage of the word, but I liked it, so whatever. Ugh, these are my thoughts anyways, who cares about proper English usage!

"Well, Nate, I'm sorry if I hurt your feelings, but I'm happier now. Okay?" I said sympathetically. "Blair." He said before grabbing me and pulling my lips towards his.

Okay, I admit it, I didn't resist. I kinda just sank into the familiar frame of his body. I think that kiss lasted for about thirty seconds of him just French kissing me like crazy.

After regaining my senses, I tried pulling away, but the hand he had behind my head was too strong for me to move away. When he finally did take his tongue out my mouth for just one second, I made my move. I closed my mouth completely so he couldn't get anything I didn't want back in there anytime soon.

After he pulled away, I finally asked, "What the hell was that for?" I crossed my arms and tapped my foot. I knew I must have looked childish, but fuck it.

"You still love me don't you?" He asked me while looking in my eyes. I could just see how he must feel inside, he looked so sad.I saw his lips in that cute little boyish pout he does sometimes when I do something really bad.

"God Nate. Do you have to make this difficult?" I asked while looking both way of the corridor. "Of course I love you Nate. I always will. You were my first serious boyfriend. First love if you may, but now, we're over that. I just don't see you like that anymore." I said.

I saw him practically melt into a little puddle after I told him I didn't think of him as my boyfriend anymore. At first I felt sympathetic towards him, but when he just stood there, staring at me with sad eyes, I felt even worse.

"And, I'm not gonna ask if we can still be friends. You know we can't. I'm really sorry Nate." I said.

Then he said, "I'm really sorry too Blair." He then grabbed me into kiss, but I had enough sense to resist him and I yelled for him to get awaybefore I could even stop the words from coming from my mouth.

About two secondsafter myloud cry,the door opened and Serena let me in, giving Nate the hairy eyeball. Well now she opens the door!

Five minutes later, I found myself in the Van Der Woodsen's guest room, crying my eyes out on their bed. I don't think I was tearing up for my hurt feelings, but more for poor Nate's.

And speaking of Nate... How the hell did he know where I was!


	11. Touche, Touche

Disclaimer: I do not, in any way, own the Gossip Girl series.

Author's Note: Thanks so much for the reviews, those two latest were the nice reviews I've gotten, in my ENTIRE life! I love you so much! I actually stopped writing the story since nobody ever reviewed! But you brought it back from the dead. Thanks.

Chapter 11

Hey Everybody,

Guess what I see when I turn on my TV today? Ya, our favorite socialite! B and her new boyfriend A. I must say, I was a little surprised to see her look a bit sober when they shot her leaving a club on the arm of a dignified hunk...

Who was that mysterious red head I caught lurking around Serena's place last night? He looks familiar, but I just can't place a name to his face...

You Know You Love Me,

Gossip Girl

Blair's POV

I guess I fell asleep while I was crying for those few hours in Serena's room, because when I was waken up by her a few hours later, I almost forgot where I was for a second.

In my dream that I had, I was walking down the red carpet waving to people screaming my name in the crowd and posing for the paparazzi who were eager for my picture.

The one thing that I couldn't explain about my dream, was the guy on my arm. Nate. After my run-in with him, I would have thought my brain would have classified him as an enemy and made him my foe in dreams. But I guess not.

I grabbed my bags from the living room and dragged them into the guest room where I was staying. Since Serena told me I could stay as long as I want, I decided to take advantage of the invitation.

As I was hanging up my clothing in her closet, I was watching E! News Live to see if there was any exciting new gossip. Okay, I'll admit it, the only kind I was interested in was gossip about yours truly.

After listening to countless stories about Jen and Brad's recent break-up and J.Lo's supposedly "Great" relationship with her boyfriend, they finally got to a good one.

"New York Socialite, Blair Waldorf, was seen canoodling with HOT ABC television show actor, Andrew Walter. Sources say that the two had met each other that night and were seen leaving together."

I watched the anchor-woman talk in fascination. I always saw this lady go on and on about other celebrities, but now it was me, ME! Oh, that felt amazing.

I wanted to just go and hug that PR girl from the party who probably called them with the scoop on me! After about a minute, the story about Andrew and I's "Sexy", as they said, love affair was over. They even included pictures of me that Danny took on the street in their story.

For those few minutes that I was jumping on my bed in glee, I completely forgot about Nate. But when I landed flat on my back after tripping on a pillow, I just laid there, catching my breath, then, I started thinking about Nate.

I kept wondering, How is he? Why'd he kiss me? And why did I not resist that first time?

There were millions of questions I had that I couldn't answer right then and there, but I knew in my heart that I'd be able to answer them when I'm ready.

Why must love be so confusing all the time? Wait, what did I just say? Didn't I just tell Nate a few hours ago that I didn't love him anymore? And now here I am talking about how love can be so confusing? How hypocritical can one person be?

As I just lay there on my bed, thinking, I heard my phone start ringing off the hook. Oh, now my friends want to talk to me. Ha, no thanks. You can leave a message, that I can erase the minute I get it.

"Hey, your mom called. Just checking to see how you were." Serena said while coming into my room and helping me organize the rest of the clothes I had in my luggage. "What'd you tell her?" I asked. "You know, the usual, 'Yes, I'm doing fine, how are you?' You know the bull. Oh ya, I told her you were staying over a few days." Serena said.

After a few minutes of her just going on and on about nothing in particular I asked, "Who the hell was that red head I saw this morning?" with an arched brow. "Oh, well, you know..." Serena stumbled with her words. "No, Serena, I don't know. Inform me." I said firmly. "Ugh, fine. You know that guy? The one with red hair?" She kept going. I shot her a look. "Okay, okay. Don't give me the evil eye... Harry Potter ring a bell to you?" She asked. "Yes, I had to see it with my little cousin, so what?" I asked, annoyed. "Well, you remember Ron? The red-head?" She asked with nervousness in her voice. "OHMYGOD, Serena! Isn't he like twelve?" I yelled. "Um, no. What kind of person do you take me as! He's seventeen at the least. I haven't even turned eighteen, yet. Give me a break." She said with her hands crossed across her chest.

"Oh, and you should talk! I saw you on TV with your hunk-of-burning-love... Ya, MTV News tells all, you know." Serena said to me accusingly. "Touche, Touche..." I said, laughing.

"You know what, we need some PB & J." Serena said very randomly. "What?" I asked while hanging up a Dior tank top I had packed. "Yes, you heard me. PB & J. I am going to make some. Come with, please." Although that seems like a question on whether I would go with her, it was more like a command.

I followed her into her completely wooden-theme kitchen. I carried myself up to the top of the counter and turned on the TV she has in her fridge.

I sat there watching "The Daily Show" while waiting for my sandwich. I guess my hopes were a little too high for Serena, because when I saw the disgusting hump of bread that she called PB & J, I unintentionally made a face at it. Serena took it to heart, and threw the thing in the trash with a stamp of her foot.

"Okay, I have an idea." Serena said while sitting down the stool and watching TV with me. "NO more ideas Serena." I said without tearing my eyes from the screen. "Oh shut it." She mumbled with a playful punch. "Wanna go to that new movie theater in The Village? You know the one with the really crappy movies?" She asked. Oh yeah, I knew it. I had heard of it as a cool, underground kind of place playing the movies you love to hate.

Usually that wasn't my scene, at all, but I said yes at the possibility of being able to ask Andrew Walter out. I added before I left to go change and call Andy, "Don't invite Mr. Harry Potter's side-kick, I don't want to be arrested." I then stuck my tongue out at her. I guess she didn't hear me because all she said was, "Huh?". Jon Stewart can be very, very addicting when he wants to be.

"Yellow?" Andrew answered when I called him. "Hi, Andy. It's me, Blair." I said into the phone. "Oh, hello, hello, Blair. How are you?" He asked. "I'm doing pretty good. I'm just calling because my friend, Serena, and I wanted to invite to a movie in your neck of the woods." I said. "But of course my dear." He said in a southern accent. I giggled. What's the deal with him making me giggle like a little girl?

We agreed to meet up in about an hour to go see the showing of "Gigli".

I dragged Serena away from the TV and told her to hurry her ass up to get ready. Once she heard something about going out, she ran to her room, nearly tripping on her white socks against the tile.

Of course Serena was ready in less then ten minutes, since she's sooooo perfect and wouldn't need any make-up, a great dress or even a talent to win Miss Universe. Bitch.

I pulled on my butt-huggin' pair of Blue Cult jeans and a V-Neck sweater since there was a bit of a chill.

Serena once again ran for the stairs to make me join her in a race down to lobby but I just answered with a "Pfft!" and started walking towards the elevator.

"OHMYGOD! JEREMY LOOK!" Was all I heard when I was waiting in the lobby for Serena to run down the total of seven floors. I saw Serena walk out of the door and just mumbled "Son of a bitch." All of the five people waiting for their beloved Serena ran over to her nearly knocking her down with papers for her to autograph.

I ran out to get the Bellman to help us, but he was already looking in at the scene, not doing A THING! I shot him the bird and told him to the get the fuckers out of the lobby before I called the cops on his ass.

I saw his eyes pop out of his head and he ran to get the fanatics out of there.

Serena ditched me the minute we got to the movie place. She saw the ticket boy and made her move. The last I saw her, was sneaking off with the acne-ridden teen walking into the storage room holding hands. I swear, that girl has no taste at times.

I was still shaking my head when somebody put their hands over my eyes. I immediately got all hot and red in the face like I do when I get nervous.

"Umm," I said cautiously. The person then turned me around so I faced him and took his hands away. I was relieved to see it was Andrew. I let out a sigh of relief and pulled him into a hug.

"You into bad movies and cheap popcorn?" Andy asked. "It's a guilty pleasure of mine, I must admit." I replied. While we started walking towards the snack bar.

I got some goobers while he got this bag of three week old popcorn. I read the expiration date on my candy and promptly threw it away. It was two years old, eww.

I fully enjoyed watching the terrible movie, I guess maybe watching the zero chemistry between Jennifer Lopez and Ben Affleck was just so amusing that I didn't give a damn about the plot.

Well, me making out with Andrew the entire time probably had something to do with it, okay, a lot.

When Andy went over to the bathroom, I got to fully take in the scene at the theater. This was definitely a very hip spot. There was cool graffiti on the walls saying "Thumbs Down" and all this other movie lingo. The seats were also different. They were like couches. Oh and they were really nice leather. I don't know where this guy got the idea for making a theater only showing crappy movies, but making the furnishings more expensive then the actual movie playing even earned.

When Andrew came back from the bathroom, I snuggled next to him, sneaking an affectionate kiss every now and then.

"Let's go back to your place," I said out of the blue. "But of course, my lady." Andrew said while kissing my forehead. "I live a block or two from here. We can walk." Andy said as we walked out of the building.

After dodging the photo-guys outside Andy's building, we finally got to his loft. By the time the elevator doors opened to his place, we were already in full make-out mode.

We just blindly stumbled into his loft, not wanting to break apart from one another. We tripped over something that was probably a sofa or something and we landed on the floor. I just laid there for about two minutes, not really wanting to get up. But I finally did.

I stood up, took off my boots, and walked over to his bedroom area. I saw Andrew getting some drinks out of the bar and I called him over with a gesture of my finger.

Andy was holding the beer in his hands and when he saw me call him over with my eyes, his eyes widened and he practically ran over to where I was.

"Do you want me Andrew?"I said, tugging at his belt to pull it off. "Oh, God do I want you Blair." He said running his hands through my hair. "Then, show me." I said, arching my brow.

Andy took off my shirt and started kissing me everywhere. I sank into his arms while he was sucking on my neck, and we had sex for the second time that night.

"Morning." Andrew said to me when I opened my eyes the next morning. "Morning." I replied back. "I tried waking you earlier. I have to go to work on the show at one." He looked at his watch, "It is about 12:30 now."

I got up, tugged on my clothing from the night before, and we said our good-byes. Why was I getting so used to the routine of sleeping with somebody, then leaving the morning after? Does that make me a "Sleep-Over at Your Place" Whore?

I made sure to call a cab before I got down to the street so I wouldn't be mobbed by paparazzi. Although the thought sounded appetizing, I thought better of it.

This time when I got down, Andy didn't come out of his window with his corny goodbye kisses or anything like that. I felt a little disappointed, even though I knew he was busy getting ready for work, I still missed our kisses.

Sure, the sex was incredible, but sex with me was always incredible. There was something missing last night, I just couldn't put my finger on it. I loved how he would moan my name and how he would wake me up every time I spent the night at his place, but it seemed like we were missing one vital part.

After thinking about it for a while, I realized what it was. The time I really had major feelings for Andy, was when I was drunk! Now that I was sober, he was just a nice type of guy, not the heart-stopping lust that I had felt before, it was now, "He's hot, I'll do him" type of lust.

Well I'm certainly not going to break up with the poor guy for falling out of major lust for him. Don't get me wrong, he is still totally my friend with benefits, but with F.W.B., you can date other people, and that's exactly what I was looking forward to when I got to Serena's apartment building.

I was glad to see that we got our former bell-boy back in his former position. I was so annoyed with that new guy, I was about to punch his lights out.

I hopped in the elevator on a high, and put my key into Serena's door happy. This was definitely a first. Usually whenever I was near Serena's place, I would get annoyed at having to go in and see her all hyper and happy when I'm depressed.

"Serena?" I called out when I dumped my keys on the table and hung up my coat. "We're in the kitchen." She called back. "Who's we? You and that acne guy from last night?" I said with a laugh.

I certainly wasn't laughing when I saw Nate hanging out in the kitchen drinking a coke. "Well, I think I hear the phone ringing." Serena said, while running for the door. I gave her the old hairy eyeball before she went through the door.

"What are you doing here?" I asked, a little bit less then nice. "I came to see you. I think we still need to talk." He said while fiddling with his jacket. "I don't want to leave our relationship the way we did the other night." "I agree." I said going to the fridge to get a diet coke.

I frankly don't know why I agreed to having "Our little talk", but I did. What followed was about an hour of Nate apologizing for sleeping around with my best friend. "Okay. I get it, Nate. Apology accepted." I said with a phony smile. Good thing he bought it. "Really? Thanks so much Blair." He said with this goofy-ass smile on his face. "Ya, Sure." I said not looking at him, but looking at how many calories there are in a diet coke.

Nate was getting up from his kitchen stool, when I was suddenly overcome with boredom. I knew if I let him leave, it would be just Serena and me, and that would be so boring. No offense to her, but all she does is get drunk, have sex, and then go to parties. I needed a little spice in my life!

"Hey, Nate. Wait up." I said grabbing his arm. I snapped into Miss Seductive and asked him to stay a bit. Being Mr. Predictable he automatically agreed to stay.

Why don't I just mess with his head a bit? "You know Nate, I really missed you." I said with a smile and a wink. I pulled him in the direction of my room and started pulling his shirt off when we got to my room.

I knew Serena wasn't around since she got a call from Mr. Harry Potter's Sidekick and went to meet him at their rendezvous point. Toys 'R Us. How sad.

"Blair? You wanna get back together?" Nate asked while I unbuckled his pants. "I don't know Nate. Can't we just fuck this once? No feelings involved this time?" I asked. "Well, um, sure." I secretly smiled, I enjoyed seeing him so confused.

I pushed him onto the bed and then climbed on top of him. Once I straddled him, I pulled my top off and started kissing his neck. When he took my skirt off, I wanted him so much.

We had sex, and then cuddled next to each other for about 30 minutes or so. I kept wondering, do people who do not care about each other snuggle after passionate sex?

Answer is, no. When I lay next to Nate, feeling his steady breathing against the back of my neck, I started thinking back to this song from a CD Andy had bought me.

Pretty bad to be thinking about gifts from a boyfriend when in bed with an ex of yours.

I couldn't help thinking while humming the tune, maybe, Nate and I were meant to be together. All these senseless break-ups we had had, now seemed the norm. They were all just detours in my mind, detours to get to where Nate and I were heading.

I don't know where that was, but all I knew at the moment was that I had strong feelings for Nate, and my relationship with Andrew was nice and all, but it paled in comparison to my relationship with Nate. I hummed the tune while thinking about all my stupid relationships and how Nate was supposed to be the one, or at least the one whom I'm supposed to be with now.

When I was thinking about that Dashboard Confessional song, I thought, "Wow, what's wrong with me. I seem to be in love with being in love...What exactly am I doing in my relationship with Andrew? All he was, was a replacement for my beloved Nate. He was simply, the ghost of a good thing."

_I guess it's luck, but it's the same  
Hard luck, you've been trying to tame  
Maybe it's love, but it's like you said,  
'Love is like a role that we play.' _

But, I believe in you so much  
I could die for the words that you say  
But, I believe in you so much  
I could die from the words that you say

But, you're chasin' the ghost of a good thing  
Haunting yourself as the real thing  
It's getting away from you again  
While you're chasin' ghosts

I guess it's luck, but it's the same  
Hard luck, you've been trying to tame  
Maybe it's love, but it's like you said,  
'Love is like a role that we play.'

But, I believe in you so much  
I could die for the words that you say  
But, I believe in you so much  
I could die from the words that you say

But, you're chasin' the ghost of a good thing  
Haunting yourself as the real thing  
It's getting away from you again  
While you're chasin' ghosts

Just bend the pieces til they fit  
Like they were made for it  
But, they weren't meant for this  
No, they weren't meant for this

Just bend the pieces til they fit  
Like they were made for it  
But, they weren't meant for this

Chasin' the ghost of a good thing  
Haunting yourself as the real thing  
It's getting away, away, away, away from you again

Chasin' the ghost of a good thing  
Haunting yourself as the real thing  
It's getting away from you again  
While you're chasin' ghosts

"Nate, do you love me?" I asked him while switching sides on my bed, so I could face him. He opened his eyes slowly and looked straight in mine. "Yes. Very much so Blair." He said. "So, you really to want to give this another go?" I asked. "Do you really think I could refuse an offer like that Miss Waldorf?" He asked kissing the tip of my nose.


	12. Mission Impossible

Author's Note: I got a wonderful review, you know who you are... Thank you so much!

Chapter 12

Heya Richies,

It's me again! Long time no see, seems to be a few weeks since our favorite on and off again couple, N and B, got back together. Yes, great, another happy ending, but what we would really like to see is some controversy. Who's with me?

You Know You Love Me,

Gossip Girl

Blair's POV:

The next few weeks went by so quickly, I can't even remember what went on. Nate and I were in pure bliss ever since we got back together, and Andrew Walter was kicked to the curb.

Andy took the break-up fairly well, I'm guessing from the picture of him in US Weekly with some blond bimbo making out. I've seen him around town a couple of times, but it was awkward enough to where one of us made up some phony lie about having to go to some meeting.

Then came the day when Nate had to leave. He was going to Los Angeles with his mother and father for about two weeks. I had been dreading the day he would leave ever since we got back together.

We had the dramatic separation which you could have taken right out of a corny movie. I swear I would've puked if it was someone else who was kissing some guy before he got on his private jet, and kept hugging the Sonuvabitch.

I got in the damn limo and boozed up on my friend's favorite drink, Scotch and Soda. The limo driver gave me a suspicious look when I finished the decanter, but I shot him the bird and told him to mind his own business.

I know I was acting a little bit different then usual, but you have to remember, I was depressed as hell. A boyfriend leaving you for half a month and a dumbass limo driver can do that to you when you're in the mood for it.

When I got home I was on this total buzz and had to duck for cover when I saw my mom pass by the hall. I don't know why, but I went into total Mission Impossible mode. I moved my fingers into a gesture which looked like a gun and started stealthing around the entire fuckin' apartment.

I was so drunk I don't even know why I was going Ms. Tom Cruise. I saw Marie come out of Yale's nursery and shot a fake bullet at her, including sound effects.

I got some more alcohol from my mom's liquor cabinet in the living room and got even more drunk. I knew I couldn't even get up and walk to my room to pass out, so I just sat there. Thinking. About nothing in particular. When I just sit down and think I get hell of a lot depressed.

I went from the idea of abortions to Disney canceling "Lizzie McGuire" when I was lying there, thinking. Both were very sad and depressing subjects, so you can see why I was bawling my eyes out on my sofa.

I didn't mean to cry. Of course I didn't. But when I started thinking about Lizzie and Gordo's possible relationship, which was severed when the show was canceled, I just started weeping.

Some may say, who the fuck cares about Gordo and Lizzie? But the hell with them, I care!

I looked at the clock and it was barely turning into noon. How sad is that, that I got drunk and wasted before the day had even really begun?

I carried myself up, and dragged one of those rolling chairs all the way to my room so I could support myself with something.

I almost broke my Goddamn neck about twenty times with that fuckin' chair. Mostly because of Marie getting in my way all the time. Yes, I wanted her to get on the chair so I could push her around, but she wasn't having it.

I barely made it to the can before I puked all over the place. Luckily I had my Swifter with me, so I could call Marie to clean it and she could me quick about it. Like hell was I going to clean my own vomit.

I was bored as heck after lying in my bed for about five minutes. I saw my remote about 10 feet away from where I was on my bed, but I didn't wanna get up to get it.

I settled for reading "The Catcher In The Rye" instead since it was closer then the damn remote.

To my surprise I actually liked it. I don't even know why I bought the book in the first place. I think it was because I had heard about it being controversial and having cuss words and all, so I was automatically drawn to it.

I was already halfway done with the book since I had started reading it about a month ago, so it took me about three hours to completely finish it.

I don't know what it was about that book, but it really changed my outlook on my life, or even something as small as my day.

The rest of the day, when someone would call me to chat with me or some shit like that, I said all this 40's lingo and freaked the hell out of them.

I also kind of scared them with me asking every five seconds to rate the name "Holden". Most said it was an "Okay" name, but I was not "Okay" with that. I thought it was the sexiest name I had heard in a very long time.

I found a lot in common between me and poor old Holden. I was so sick of the "Phonies" and I wanted to get the hell out of here and go on a fuckin' vacation.

I got up from bed and logged onto my computer. I checked out Orbitz and Cheap Tickets to see if they had any good fares for airplane tickets and things like that.

I decided to take a small trip to a spa in Hawaii and spend a few days there. I had read a brochure on this cute little spa about a month ago, and was intrigued to go. Naturally, I never looked into it, but when I bought my plane tickets and made my hotel reservations, my trip was set.

Two days later, I found myself in the coach section of an American Airlines plane. I was squeezed between an overweight male and female.

I ordered a scotch and soda and tried to Zen out of that seat and maybe take a snooze. I wasn't tired or anything like that, I just automatically hated the people I was sitting next to.

They didn't seem like bad people, really they didn't, but I just automatically hated them. I know it sounds mean of me, but just the way I was brought up taught me to be prejudice and rude towards people who seemed to be of lower class then thou.

Luckily the fat broad on the left of me was already asleep by the time the stewardess even started her safety protocol. Thank the heavens.

I wasn't as lucky with the man on my right. His fat kept pushing into my side and I was about to turn and tell him off, but he started a damn conversation with me.

"Where ya from?" The obese man asked. "Madagascar." I said rudely, not looking up from my book. "Really? How is it there this season?" He said, not taking the hint. "Snowing." I said. "Really? Wow. I should write that down and tell my friends." He said. Then I started feeling sorry for the guy. I was getting depressed just thinking about him talking to all his loser friends about this girl from Madagascar he met on a plane, and "Oh! Guess what? She said it was snowing in Madagascar guys!" I could just imagine him say.

I swallowed a ton of sleeping pills and hoped I wouldn't overdose. About thirty minutes later, I was knocked out and having a wonderful dream. Now I don't even remember what that dream was, but I woke up happy.

I tried to push myself back to sleep when I woke up and saw the two fat people chatting away next to me, but I couldn't do it.

There was only about thirty minutes left before we got to Oahu, but I thought I wouldn't make it. I tried to excuse myself to the bathroom so I could puke my eyes out, but their big bodies wouldn't let me pass. They made this horrible scene of having to BOTH get up and go into the next aisle so I could just get by.

I took my carry-on bag with me just in case I could find an empty seat with somebody NORMAL in it.

I didn't find any on my way to the lavatory, but after I washed my face with that horrible water, and was walking back to my seat, I saw an empty seat and made my way to it.

I didn't even see who I was sitting next to, I just closed my eyes and let out a sigh of relief. I started unzipping my carry-on so I could see what time it was, but was interrupted by someone introducing themselves.

"Hi." The person next to me said. I liked the way he said it, so simple, he didn't sound bored, but he didn't sound hyper as hell either.

I looked up and saw a guy about 20/21. He had this kind of skater-y brown hair and these dark brown eyes. I didn't much care what he looked like, but he looked pretty decent enough.

"Hi." I replied. "God, this flight is horrible." He said to no one in particular. I smiled to myself. He tried to call the stewardess over to get some liquor, but she said she couldn't serve anymore. He cursed silently and looked out his window.

I wanted to start an intellectual conversation with this guy so badly, but I just couldn't see what I could say to this guy. He seemed so smart, and I feared I would say something stupid and have him ignore me the rest of the plane ride.

"Doesn't it just annoy the heck out of you when they don't wanna booze you up. In my opinion it's the only way you can even survive these damn plane rides." He said randomly. I felt my cheeks redden, but was determined to play it cool. "I understand." I said simply. I could've just pinched myself then and there, how could I say something so stupid. He probably thinks I'm boring and won't want to talk to me.

"I never introduced myself, ya know. I'm Ryan." He said extending his hand for me to shake. "Swell to meet you Ryan. My names Blair." I said, shaking his hand.

Swell? Who the hell says swell? I was about to take it back or at least apologize for saying something stupid, but before I knew it, he had this black journal out and was writing in big letters "Swell".

That word took the whole damn page and he kept mumbling "Swell" over and over again when he was writing it. "I like that word Blair." He said to me smiling. He had a great smile. It wasn't a model type of smile, and it wasn't one of those dentist-made smiles, it was just a natural smile. I liked it. It wasn't too eager like many other guy's smiles I knew. Their's said "Let's fuck." And all you can say to that is, "Uh, no."

We never asked each other where we were from or any other crappy questions like that. I think we both knew, who the hell cares? So we didn't bother to ask, or maybe even care.

We landed shortly after we struck up a great conversation about how stewardess' are bitches for not letting us get buzzed.

At baggage claim, he stood on one side of the machine and I on the other. He got his bags, and I thought he was gonna make for the exit, but he walked over and struck up a conversation once again. On the inside I was relieved he actually even wanted to talk to me again, but I was determined not to the show it.

"So, Blair. Give me a buzz sometime, maybe we can go see a flick or something while you're on the island." He said writing his number on this napkin. "Ya know what? Here," I said ripping a part of the napkin he gave me. "You give me a buzz. I lose numbers quite easily. I wouldn't want to risk it." I said writing my cell phone number on the napkin and handing it over.

The whole interaction between us on the plane at the baggage claim was just so, mellow. I liked that feeling. It was just calm and collected. There was no need to take things fast or go anywhere like all those other relationships in NYC. It was like, for the first time in my life, I actually wanted to take this one slow.

I couldn't tell from our chat if Ryan was wealthy or not, and quite frankly I didn't care. I did check his suitcase to see if it was like this huge brand name or something like that, but it was just a normal Puma duffel bag.

I grabbed my suitcase and carry on and tried to find a taxi to get a ride in. I gave the driver the directions to the Hotel/Spa, but was surprised at how long these taxi drivers take to get you to your destination.

The cabbie even tried to have a Goddamn conversation. I went with the conversation, as not to be seen as a snobby pain in the ass. In total, the whole thing included him asking me where I was from about twenty times. Each time I answered a different city. Even at times I made up some word I didn't even know existed. I could tell the guy didn't give a damn since he never questioned it.

An hour later, we finally arrived at the hotel. It was a small place. You could tell from just looking at it, it was going to be cozy and relaxing.

First of all, the entire lobby was out in the open. There weren't doors or anything, but there was like a roof. When I was checking in, I couldn't help but wonder what would happen if there was like a hurricane or something like that, and they couldn't close off the lobby. I asked the receptionist, but all she did was shrug her shoulders in response. She was a real conversationalist I tell ya.

I went down to my room, since it was only one level, and took a nap. I woke up at about 5 PM and was really energized. I don't know why exactly. I had this sudden urge to go and play tennis. I first of all even doubted this hotel had a tennis court, but soon saw one when I looked out my window.

It was empty except for this 13/14 year old girl playing against the wall. I put on my gear and went out to play.

The girl asked me if I wanted to play singles with her, and at first was tempted to say no, but then agreed, not wanting to hurt her feelings.

The girl damn near beat my ass. She had this way of looking at you and giving you this innocent stare when she just HAPPENED to have hit this 100 mph serve right at you. All you could was smile at her when she did it, it was horrible.

I called it quits soon after I barely beat her, and went to take a shower. When I got out, I decided to order something from room service. I ordered a grilled cheese sandwich and asked a lady to come over and give me a massage.

The grilled cheese was pretty good, and the Hawaiian lady who gave the massage wasn't half bad either. She was good enough to get me to go to sleep and dream about the mysterious Ryan from the plane.


	13. Side Dish

Author's Note: Thanks for the reviews guys, you really brighten up my day with those.

Disclaimer: I do not, in any way, own the Gossip Girl series.

Chapter 13

I woke up on the massaging table in my room at about 8 PM. I would've been asleep longer too, if it hadn't been for that lousy phone of mine.

I heard the familiar ring, ring over and over again. This person simply did not get the idea that I did not want to answer the Goddamn thing.

After this person called about 3 times, I answered on the fifth ring. I answered with a simple "Hello" and was annoyed to see it was Nate. "Yes, Nate? Anything important happen?" I asked sarcastically. He didn't take the hint. "No, not really." He replied. "Great, Nate." I said. "Just wanted to say hi you know. Wanted to see how you were and all that stuff." It felt nice to have somebody actually care enough to call you just to ask how you are and all, and I was about to thank him for calling, but then I got call waiting. My Sidekick telephone told me it was Ryan's number and I quickly said bye to Nate and answered Ryan's call.

We talked about nothing for about thirty minutes before he invited me to this small Hawaiian cafe in Honolulu. He told me it was famous for having some great food, but it wasn't fancy or anything like that.

I liked the idea of having some great food without having to get dressed up for all those phony people, like back in New York.

I was half an hour late to the restaurant, since every time I tried to get the cab driver to go a little bit faster, he'd say something involving "Cousins" and "A Hawaiian Minute". He kept saying that one line about Hawaiian minutes like a madman ever since I let it slip that I'm from New York and he wanted to be witty with the whole "New York Minute" thing. I still didn't get the cousins thing, but I just figured he was being friendly.

I saw a long line for a table outside the tiny little shack already beginning to form and was worried I would have to wait. I was never used to waiting if there was a line, even in the lunch line, since there was always some Goddamn freshman willing to give away their spot.

I saw Ryan wave at me from the middle of line, about ten people were in front of him waiting for tables. I joined him smiling. I surprised myself by smiling, I was never used to being so happy about having to wait.

The line went by very quickly, since I spent the entire time in deep conversation with Ryan about what was on the menu. We both found it utterly hilarious that we couldn't pronounce half the Goddamn stuff on the menu.

We were seated and given our drinks in these little plastic cups, ordinarily I would have demanded for some nice glass cups, but honestly, I didn't give a damn.

I drank my coke like it was God's gift to the world. I don't know, I honestly don't know. Maybe they brew it great in Hawaii or maybe they dumped some pills in there, I have no fuckin' idea.

"Am I the only one, or is this coke incredible?" Ryan asked, tearing his eyes from the menu. "You're not alone. You think they popped something in it?" I asked mischievously, arching a brow. "I wish. I haven't had a good buzz ever since last week. Damn stewardess." He said recalling her from the plane ride. I laughed as I remembered us meeting one another.

I suddenly had this undeniable urge to know every possible thing about Ryan. "What part of New York you from?" I asked, hoping I didn't sound too nosy. "SoHo. But, hey," He said, "How'd you know I was from NY?" "We were both on a plane leaving JFK, and you didn't look like a tourist." I said with a smile. "You're good. And, speaking of where I'm from, how about you?" He asked. "Park Avenue. By the park. Great view ya know." I said not looking up from the appetizers on the menu. I was a bit embarrassed to say where I was from and all, since it was such a prestigious neighborhood and all. "Lived there when I was a kid. After my dad died when I was 18, I moved out to SoHo." He said looking me straight in the eyes. I would've said I was sorry for his father dying, but I knew it wouldn't make anything better, and I think he knew it too.

"My dad's gay." I said with a smile. Wow, that was an icebreaker. In my stupid mind, I thought maybe I could say something that was wrong with my perfect family and make everything better again. "Cool. What about your mom?" He said. I was glad he didn't find my family or at least my father weird. But then I remembered he lived in Goddamn SoHo. What's normal there?

"My mom is the typical Upper East Side lady." I put up my fingers in the peace sign and then bent them to bring out the word "Lady". "You know, the usual bullshit, the Chanel number five perfume, the perfect penthouse overlooking Central Park, the invites to the tea parties, you know the deal." I said. "I think I do. I can barely remember it, but my family used to be like that." He said. We ordered. He then asked if I had any brothers or sisters. "I have a little sister, Yale." I then took out a picture from my wallet to show him. "Yale? That's a name you don't hear often." He said. "Ya, I made my mom name her that after he married some fattie and got pregnant. I wanted to leave some dignity to my family. I'm going there next semester, so I thought it appropriate."

This conversation, just like the one on the plane earlier, was calm and you didn't feel like you needed to be talking every second. I don't know how to fully explain it, but it was like, the awkward silences, weren't so awkward. See, I knew you wouldn't understand.

On the tiny little TV on the wall, there was a commercial for Alias, with Jennifer Garner, and we started in on a conversation about that. That topic morphed into feminist rights, then suffrage, then wrestling. I kept saying Goddamn wrestling was the fakest thing I had ever seen, and he kept doing some phony argument about how Goldberg was the "real thing".

We talked about the stupidest things on the planet, without feeling stupid ourselves. I liked that. I liked that a lot. I guessed his IQ was really up there, since even sitting across from him at a booth made me feel intelligent.

When the check arrived and the whole meal for both of us only came up to about 20 bucks, we had a phony argument about him wanting to pay for me, and me arguing that I would pay for it. Naturally I let him pay for me, but it was fun just arguing with him.

They were showing "Cat On A Hot Tin Roof" with Liz Taylor in the theater next door, so we decided to watch it. When it was over, I was in love with it, but during the movie, I was just so depressed about the storyline. It wasn't bad or anything, it was just sad, and sad movies can be a pain in the ass. But it had a good ending, so it fixed me right back up.

We walked back to this house he said he was renting out for the summer, and along the way, we learned everything about one another. I got to find out what his favorite things were, what movies he hated, who was the first person he kissed, and even the first time he accidentally farted in public.

Of course he paid me back with equally weird questions, he was very nice about it though. I think it was a trick though, he got those weird answers out of me real quick after he would say please and crap like that.

His place was pretty decent. It was done in this whole modern theme. His kitchen was all stainless steel and all his couches looked like they would hurt just to sit in them. That's the true test to see if something is really modern or not, furniture that hurts I mean.

He got us some beers and we played pool until 4 AM. I wasn't really drunk and neither was he, but I guess we were using our beers as an excuse to start heavily flirting.

We didn't say anything truly flirty on the plane or even in the restaurant, but we seemed to be making up for lost time. "I miss this shot, and you have to kiss me." Ryan said. He then aimed very badly, and you could tell he was wanting to miss, and then got the white ball in the hole. "See. Now, come here and kiss me." He said, waving his finger at me.

I put down my pool stick and went over to kiss him. I got over to where he was and pulled his face towards mine. He leaned in to kiss me, but I pulled back flirtatiously. "You little tease!" Ryan said playfully.

I made a fake pout-y face and pulled his face a little closer so his lips were touching mine. He kissed me and then I opened my mouth a little bit as if to let him he could french kiss me. I could tell he was one of those guys who wouldn't do something scandalous unless you told him it was okay.

He was a great kisser, and like everything else Ryan did, he made it slow and nice. There was need for him to choke me with his tongue or anything like that, so I just let him kiss me and run his hands up and down my spine.

I pulled away from his lips and looked him in the eyes, to see if he wanted to go farther then just kissing or anything like that, but I couldn't tell what he was thinking.

I am not going to sleep with him tonight. I came to that conclusion after kissing him a bit more. It wasn't that I didn't want to, of course I did. But, I just wanted to take this relationship slow, and make it as nice as possible.

"Come over tomorrow?" Ryan asked, while escorting me to the door a little bit later. "Of course. What time?" I said pulling out my Sidekick phone to write it down in my schedule. "How about 12? We could go for a jog, then maybe we could go down to Waikiki." He suggested. I wrote down the time in my schedule and left. I kissed him on the lips before I left and when I tried to walk to the taxi I had called, I had to fight the temptation to run back and lay him another one.

I successfully made it to the cabbie and got to my hotel in about 20 Goddamn minutes. I swear, the hotel was about 10 blocks away, and he took that long. Oh, and there was practically NO traffic since it was like 5 in the morning.

I walked in the Goddamn open lobby and it was completely empty except for one lousy receptionist. The damn lady was asleep at her post. Ya, that made me feel real safe.

I got to my room and fell right on the bed. I was about to just go to sleep without even changing, but I didn't wanna breakout with pimples the next day so I forced myself to get up and wash my face before I finally did go to bed.

I was too damn tired to even dream, and I woke up at about 11:30 the next morning. I jumped into the shower and let my hair do whatever the hell it wanted to. I jumped into my sweats compliments of Chanel and put on my Nikes.

I walked into the Goddamn empty lobby, which was starting to get on my nerves, and asked the receptionist to call me a cab. The Goddamn lady started a conversation with the taxi guy on the phone. Their conversation was full of "Cousins" too. It annoyed the heck out of me.

"Forget it." I said to her and she just nodded and kept right on talking on the phone. I even started doubting the person she was talking to in the first place even worked for the taxi company.

I decided to fuckin' run to Ryan's place. I knew I'd be all hot and sweaty when I saw him, but thought the hell with it. There was a nice breeze anyways.

I checked my digital watch when I arrived at his doorstep and saw it was 12:15. Pretty good, fashionably late you could say.

"Hey, stranger." Ryan said when he opened the door. I smiled and greeted him with a kiss. "Wow. That's a good start to the day." He said pulling me back into his kiss after I pulled back. I was grinning like an idiot.

We ran for about 20 blocks and then turned back. I had brought my bag with a towel and my bikini so we could go to the beach afterwards like he had said.

I told him I would go to the bathroom to change, and he went to his room to change into his trunks. The beach was about two blocks away, so we walked in our sandals and bathing suits.

The water was so cool and refreshing after our jog that I wanted to stay in forever. We did rent some stupid floaties and acted like the perfect tourists for a bit, but ditched that for sneaking into a hotel's pool.

We were kicked out after an hour of making out in the jacuzzi and a security guard came up to us and asked if we could identify what room we were staying in. Oops. I told him some random number and asked me my name, we were THEN kicked out.

We walked back to his place and hung out there for a while. We played basketball in his backyard for a bit and then settled for making out on a bench outside.

We were both hot and sweaty, and I'm sure we didn't smell too hot either, but neither of us gave a damn. I pulled back from one of our kisses, and looked deep into his eyes for some sign of him wanting me.

Like I said before, I knew he wasn't the type of guy to take advantage of me, so I had to let him know I wanted him, badly.

I had already figured out his entire house and knew where all the rooms were, so I excused myself to the bathroom, while I really went into his bedroom.

I looked for the perfect song to play when we would eventually make love, hopefully. I settled on this song from Mandy Moore, called I Wanna Be With You. I don't know why he had a Mandy Moore CD, but okay.

The song fit so perfectly, that it seemed like I was destined to play that Goddamn song.

I called him over to where I was, and at first he was a bit surprised to find me in his room, but when I walked over and planted a kiss on him, he didn't seem so surprised.

I think he knew my intentions, what with the lights dimmed and a sexy song playing, and he went with it.

I was glad he did take control of the situation, because then, that would be kinda weird.

He started unzipping the front of my shirt and I let him, just for the heck of it. Let him be a man if he wants. He started kissing my neck and I pulled his shirt off. All of this was becoming, just so normal for me, and I didn't like that. It meant I was becoming a slut, hell no.

I loved the way he kissed me and made love to me. It was totally different then all those other times with those different guys. It was really special to me and I really enjoyed it.

We talked about our families and any other things that were slightly interesting afterwards. All the while, Ryan's CD had played all of the slow songs, including Mandy Moore's twice.

On my side, Ryan was sleeping and so, there I was, counting the tiles on the ceiling and listening extra closely to the song,

_I try but I can't seem to get myself  
To think of anything  
But you  
Your breath on my face  
Your warm gentle kiss_

_I taste the truth _

_We know what I came here for  
So I won't ask for more_

I wanna be with you  
If only for a night  
To be the one whose in your arms  
Who holds you tight  
I wanna be with you  
There's nothing more to say  
There's nothing else I want more than to feel this way  
I wanna be with you

So I'll hold you tonight   
Like I would if you were mine  
to hold forever more  
And I'll saver each touch that I wanted  
So much to feel before  
How beautiful it is  
Just to be like this

I wanna be with you   
If only for a night  
To be the one whose in your arms  
Who holds you tight  
I wanna be with you  
There's nothing more to say  
There's nothing else I want more than to feel this way  
I wanna be with you

Oh baby  
I can't fight this feeling anymore  
It drives me crazy when I try to  
So call my name   
Take my hand  
Make my wish  
Baby, your command?

Yeah  
I wanna be with you  
There's nothing more to say  
There's nothing else I want more than to feel this way 

When I think back to that song, I think, "Wow, that was the right choice Blair. Perfect."


	14. Celebrity Wills

**Author's Note: Sorry for the delay! Very hectic life is my excuse. Thanks for the reviews ladies!**

**Disclaimer: I do not, in any way, own the Gossip Girl series. **

**Chapter 14**

**Blair's POV:**

**God is Ryan a sexist. He expects me to just move into his Goddamn condo after we make passionate love? Well, no sir. My hotel room at the spa is very nice and good to me. **

**He actually made me do the dishes today. Ya, the dishes! I haven't cleaned MY ROOM for five years, and he expects me to clean his dishes? **

**Well, technically, he was cleaning the entire house, and asked me if I wanted to help out, which I answered "Sure" to, unknowingly of course, I didn't expect to do anything though.**

**I think I need to have a little talk with Ryan tonight after we come back from that bar or something like that.**

**I don't think he has any idea of my past, or even my bank account. I haven't exactly been Miss Materialistic in front of Ryan. So, I don't blame him for not understanding me. **

**Oh ya, and the Mandy Moore CD was just the beginning of his weird taste in music. While he was cleaning his condo, he popped in Black And Blue album from the Backstreet Boys and started dancing and singing with his mop. It was disturbing. **

**He tried to get me to join him, but I just gave him the trademarked Blair stare and told him to back off with my eyes. **

**We were watching the show "LOST" on ABC since Ryan informed me it was filmed in Hawaii so I was interested. **

**It was actually pretty good. I had to beg him to change it from Saved By The Bell afterwards though. **

**He changed it back to ABC just in time for Entertainment Tonight. I felt my back stiffen and my body get hot when he changed it to that. **

**Ryan had had the TV on mute at the time since he was busy kissing my neck, but my eyes were glued on the TV. **

**I saw pictures of Serena and I coming out of a club in NYC flash across the screen. It apparently was one of the main stories behind "Celebrity Wills". Yes, I admit, I was disappointed in that, but thats not the point. **

**"Umm, I'm gonna go get a margarita, want one?" I asked, heading towards the kitchen. My game plan was simple: Get him drunk before the story comes on, since he's determined to see ET. **

**"Nah. It's OK. I'm trying to limit my drinking to one a day." He said. Uh, like I give a flying fuck! Get the damn drink. "No, no, no. I am MAKING you a drink." I said grabbing the mix and the glasses. **

**"Well. OK. If you say so." He said not glancing from the screen. I moved my little tush at maximum speed and tried to get Ryan as drunk as possible, but I couldn't do it. **

**I was coming back from the kitchen when I saw the anchorwoman start talking about me. "Sources say she is on vacation in Hawaii. Friends tell us she is coming back tomorrow." **

**I saw Ryan's mouth drop open and he dropped his margarita on the floor. Good thing those were plastic cups. It didn't need to be THAT dramatic. **

**"Huh?" Was all he said. "Umm? What?" I said, acting dumb. **

**Well lets just say, thirty minutes later, I am back at my hotel, having phone sex with Nate. Ya, that relationship with Ryan is soooooo over. **

**"Do you love me Nate?" I asked randomly. "Ya, ya. Of course I do. Why?" He asked. "Um, no reason. Do you miss me?" I asked with a giggle. **

**I put my phone on my ear supported by my shoulder and started packing my bags for home. **

**I had called the airport earlier that day to make sure that they actually put me in first class this time and to call the LIMO service back in NYC to see if the car was coming right at 9:30 AM or not. **

**The plane was scheduled to leave that night at midnight, so I gathered all my bags and went into that Goddamn open-air lobby. That was one thing I was definitely not going to miss. **

**The receptionist who checked me out gave me this lei full of nice flowers. "You throw it in the water, and when it comes back, they say you come back to Hawaii." She said with a smile. **

**Oh how sentimental. NOT. "Well, I don't plan on coming back for a long time. Keep it." I said handing it back to her. **

**She called me a cab and I was dropped off at the airport in about an hour. Although it was late in the night, and the lanes were completely empty, the driver took his sweet time.**

**I swear, if someone says "Hawaiian Minute" again, I'm gonna kick 'em in the balls. **

**I sat down in my seat next to a thirteen year old. Usually I would've told her to move or asked the stewardess to poison her peanuts or something, but I was in a good mood. **

**I actually even started a conversation, to which she thoroughly ignored me, and put on her headphones to listen to Britney Spears. **

**Wow, I had never been turned down like that. It was refreshing. I then asked the stewardess to poison her peanuts, to which she gave me the hairy eyeball.**

**Well, FIIIIINE.**

**I arrived at JFK in the morning and waited in baggage claim for over an hour. When my bags never came down the stupid little spinning thing with the luggage, I got a bit freaked out. **

**I was already going to complain to the guy in charge, when he so smugly pointed out to me that I was at the wrong one. **

**I walked over to the right rolly-thingy and there it was. My poor Louis Vuitton bag all by it's lonesome. **

**I wasn't in a good mood to begin with, but when I saw Nate coming down from behind the security check, I brightened up a bit. **

**I down know what it was, maybe it was his totally cute Lacoste polo, or those great jeans, but I really wanted to jump the guys bones. **

**I practically did jump him though when I reached him. "Well. I missed you too." Nate whispered in my ear. There really was something about his voice and the way he used it so I could feel his breath on my neck. **

**"So. How'd your trip go? I saw you on the news last night. You looked goooood." He said stroking my hair. "Umm. Well, nothing much you know." I said getting into the limo. "Ya, sure?" Nate asked, grabbing a coke from the little fridge in the car. "Well. I'm not going to go into specifics you know. I don't want to bore you to death." I said putting on my seatbelt. "You could never bore me." He added with a genuine smile. **

**God, was this getting mushy. I instantly felt a pang of guilt in my heart for lying to him about so many things, including my many affairs over this eventful summer. **

**This caused me to go into babbling mode. Okay, lemme explain, this is where I get nervous and start talking, and talking, and TALKING. **

**"Nate? Is it okay if we see other people? Because in Hawaii, there was this guy. What was his name again? Well, I dunno. He was really sweet and we kinda, well, sorta, slept together. I... I..." I was cut off by Nate. "What the fuck? I leave you alone for 72 hours, and you're off fucking somebody?" **

**Well, that didn't go well did it? "Has there been anyone else this summer?" He asked, his eyes burning with fury. "Umm. Well, yeah. But there were no feelings involved. I swear!" I said, my eyes tearing up. Why hadn't I just kept my mouth shut? Be a good little girl? **

**By the time Nate finished his little speech about how I was a whore, we arrived at my building. He was already sitting on the other side of the limo, and drinking some beer. He had, by then, replaced his coke with something a bit heavier. **

**I let myself out of the car with my arms flailing everywhere, trying to handle my twenty pound a piece luggage set. **

**Why did life have to be this complicated? Must Nate be such an asshole? Come on, he cheated on me too! Plenty of times! Ya, that one time with Serena, and that time with... with... **

**Umm, there is no one else. God, am I that much of a bitch? I cheated on him like twenty times in one Goddamn month! **

**I started muttering curses under my breath and crying. Well, not bawling crying. Of course not. I have a damn image to keep up. If I let one squeal out, it'll be all over the tabloids, well, I wish.**

**The Bellboy offered me a handkerchief and I wiped away my tears and gave it back to him. This poor old guy was so used to my tantrums he didn't even bat a lash this time. **

**Am I so predictable? I bet this guy had a damn calender marking the days I came back from wherever, pissed off or crying. Now thats the life. **

**I laid out my luggage for Marie to unpack and headed to my room for a nap. I slipped under my Ralph Lauren covers, and drifted off into an uneasy sleep. **

**I woke up, feeling someone touching my hair. That got me to jump a few hundred feet off the bed. "AH!" I screamed at the top of my lungs. That got my mom to jump back a bit too. **

**"Yeah. Well that's what you get." I said not very politely. "Blair. Now that's not polite." She said, sitting back on my bed and smoothing out her Chanel suit. Typical.**

**"Okay. Fine. I'm sorry, Mother. What do you want?" Shouldn't you be boning your disgusting husband? I added silently to myself. "Well. I came in to talk to you about your Aunt, Atlanta." She said, looking at herself in the mirror. "Never heard of her." I said, turning on my TV and switching it to E!. **

**You never know when they might just wanna do a E! True Hollywood Story on me, you know. **

**"Well. My sister never has met you, but she is the sweetest lady." She looked like she was thinking back about fond memories. "Well. She now lives in Deep South Texas. We haven't talked in a while, but she did call yesterday." She continued. "Okay, whatever, Mom." I said. **

**I changed the channel on my Plasma to Best Week Ever on VH1 and was laughing at some joke by guy with the gap in his teeth, when my mom interrupted me. **

**"She has been diagnosed with terminal cancer. Atlanta says she wants to meet you, before she passes on, I mean." My mother blurted out. "Huh?" I said, flipping over on my side, and turning off the TV. "Yes. She has requested that you go to Texas and spend a few weeks with her, she only has a month or so to live, according to the doctors." That was it. That was when my mom's eyes started welling up. **

**I instantly felt terribly sorry for being so bitchy to her and went to hug and comfort her. "You'll go?" She asked, looking at me with these big, vulnerable eyes. "Of course I will, of course." I said, before I could stop myself. **

**My mother then wiped away her tears, and promptly tried to get back to normal. I could still hear the strain in her voice as she pulled out some papers out of her coat pocket. "Great. I've already got the tickets. You're leaving tonight." She said, throwing in a hug for good measure. **

**A/N: You know what to do, please review, or I won't be motivated! Kisses**


	15. Neon

A/N: Thanks for the review... emphasis on the... come on people... REVIEW! Please?

Chapter 15

Hey Guys,

I know its been quite a while since we've just sat down and talked gossip, but fear not, I'm back!

God, can this town get anymore boring? Now that Blair's leaving to Texas (sigh) and Serena's going to LA with her new boy-toy, what oh what am I going to do with myself?

Well, I've got you haven't I?

You Know You Love Me,

Gossip Girl

Blair's POV

I sat there too stunned to even trust myself with words. Well, I didn't really need to talk actually, my mother ran out as fast as her Jimmy Choo's could take her.

I called Serena to tell her about my new trip, but I got her voicemail. "Hey guys! Guess what? I'm going to Los Angeles! Ya, I know you'll miss me. Be back in a week! Kisses!" Her voicemail squeaked.

I calmly got up to lock my door, and turn off the lights to relax a bit.

I laid down in my bed and laid on my stomach to where my face was on the pillow. "AHHHHH." I silently screamed into my pillow.

How dare Serena not tell me she was leaving! Whatever happened to our trust? Okay, fine, 8th grade. But whatever.

I woke up a few hours later, 7 to be exact. I tugged on my Blue Cult jeans and a LAMB sweater since it was a bit chilly outside.

I grabbed my Fendi purse and told Mom I was going out and I wanted Marie to pack my bags for Texas. But specifically, "Make things Southern-y Marie." I yelled.

I walked over to the nearest Barnes and Noble to by some books for my trip. I knew I wouldn't be doing much, except maybe sitting by my Aunt Atlanta's bedside.

I grabbed Hitchhiker's Guide To The Universe, The A-List, Animal Farm, and The Da Vinci Code. I hoped I could become somewhat of an intellectual on my trip down to the South.

My total came out to be in the 50's and I walked over to the cafe to get a cup of coffee since I still had some paper money left.

I sat on a bar stool and just watched all the business people, the goths, the intellectuals all just pass by.

I was probably sitting there for about an hour before I finished my coffee and realized I needed to get home so I could make my flight.

On my way home I thought of my life. I don't mean just "Oh hey, that was a great party that I went to last week." No, it was more like, "God. I mean nothing. I have accomplished NOTHING!" It got me pretty depressed.

But then some random thought took over. "Hmm... I wonder if there are any Southern Gentlemen left in the world? Well. Duh Blair. There has to be. And guess where they happen to live! In Texas."

I know, I know. I just went through a horrible break-up and I shouldn't really thinking about ANY guy like that, but that's just the kinda sick person I am.

Yes I have hormones. Sorry.

I passed by Barney's on my way home, and was tempted to go in and make all my troubles go away by shopping, but I just kept walking.

God, what will power I have!

See. My life consists of shopping sprees and boyfriends. Sheesh. I wonder what my gravestone is gonna say. "Um... Well, she was a great kisser." I bet.

On second thought, it'll probably say, daughter, sister. Something like that. But it was rhetorical question.

Well, you know what! I've had it. I've had enough of my model best friend, enough of my perfect ex-boyfriend, enough of my stupid maid Marie, and definitely enough of New York.

I packed some of my make-up in my bags and got my fully charged iPod and Sidekick phone. I let out a sigh and said my goodbye's to Yale and my Mother.

I wonder how Yale is gonna be without me. Hello! She's gonna be fine. You've only even spent time with her, how many times, oh ya, one!

She won't even know I'm gone... Now, that's depressing.

_Slow down _

_You crazy child_

_Your so ambitious for a juvenile_

_But then if you're so smart, _

_then tell me why are you still so afraid_

_Where's the fire? What's the hurry about?_

_You better cool it off, before you burn it out_

_You got so much to do, _

_but only so many hours in a day_

_But you know that when the truth is told,_

_That you can get what you want _

_or you can just get old_

_Your gonna kick off before you even _

_get half way through_

_When will you realize, _

_Vienna waits for you_

_Slow down _

_Your doing' fine_

_You can't be everything you wanna be before your time_

_Although it's so romantic on the borderline tonight, tonight_

_To bad that is the life you lead_

_You're so ahead of your self that you forget what you need_

_Though you can see when your wrong, you can't always see when your right_

_You got your passion, you got your pride_

_But don't you know that only fools are satisfied_

_Dream on! But don't imagine they'll all come true_

_When will you realize, Vienna waits for you_

_Slow down _

_You crazy child_

_And take the phone off the hook and disappear for awhile_

_It's alright. You can afford to lose a day or two_

_When will you realize, Vienna waits for you._

_That u can get what you want or you can just get old_

_Your gonna kick off before you even get half way through_

_When will you realize, Vienna waits for you_

_Why don't you realize, Vienna waits for you _

_When will you realize, Vienna waits for you_

I arrived at McAllen International Airport at about noon on July 5th. I tried to ask the man who was in charge of showing us where to get our luggage where the baggage claim was, but he didn't know English. He only spoke Spanish. Now why oh why had I not taken that class instead of French?

A Winter Texan who sat next to me on the plane (who napped most of the time, thank God.) led me to the small area where we would get our bags. To my surprise there were only two machines to transport them. I thought that was sufficiently weird and different from dear Old JFK airport back home in Manhattan.

Directly across from baggage claim, I saw the rental car company which I would be getting my car from. It took me about five steps, I kid you not, to get to the front desk where a Mexican 20-something man had a smile plastered on his face.

To my disbelief, I did not receive the BMW or Mercedes which I had asked for on the net, but a Dodge Neon.

I vomited at bit in my mouth, but grabbed the keys and signed the insurance forms. Just in case, in a moment of pure insanity, I wreck my beautiful YELLOW Dodge Neon.

I drove out of the airport parking lot, which is uber-small, and grabbed the map and tried reading it. It was pretty easy to get from McAllen to the small ranch a few towns nearby.

Through the windows, I could already smell the cow crap all over the place when I was traveling down the small dirt road which led to where my Aunt Atlanta's house was.

The minute I stepped out of the car, I knew it was not going to be a pleasant stay, because the minute my Jimmy Choo heel hit the floor, it stepped in cow shit.

(A/N:) Yes, McAllen, Texas is a real place.


	16. Lacy Underwear

**Chapter 16**

Blair's POV:

I knocked on the door to my Aunt Atlanta's ranch house. I could already tell what the inside of this house was gonna be like. And I didn't like it.

A young man of about 20 opened the door and greeted me warmly. I acknowledged the guy in the cowboy hat and ranch gear with a handshake and an introduction.

When I told him what my name was, he asked me where I was from. "Really? You're from the Big Apple?" He asked enthusiastically. I really get peeved whenever someone refers to my hometown as a damn apple. I let it slide though.

The cute young cowboy introduced himself as Rhett Montgomery and led me to the kitchen area where he poured me some ice tea. I was a little freaked out by his hospitality and finally asked where my Aunt was.

"Ah. I was wondering when you were gonna ask that." Rhett said. "She's in the living room knitting. She's a little weak right now, so she couldn't get up to answer the door." He explained. "Are you related to her or something?" I asked out of curiosity. "Actually, no. I've been assigned to take care of her since I'm studying to be a doctor. This is my internship for the summer before I go back to the University." He said, placing the container of ice tea back in the fridge. "Oh, you go to university? Which?" I asked. I doubted I would recognize whatever school he named but I was just in the mood for a bit of conversation. "I'm currently at Texas University in Austin. I like it there." He said, standing up and leading me in the direction to where I guessed was the living room.

Rhett and I traveled through the first entryway which didn't have a door, but instead strings of beads that separated the rooms. Rhett got through with ease but I, on the other hand, got a piece of hair stuck in the string.

"Umm... Rhett. A little help here?" I asked, my face turning a shade of crimson from embarrassment. "Oh, of course. It happens all the time to me." Rhett said with a twinkle in his eye.

When he was helping me get my piece of hair out of the string, his face was about 2 inches from mine. His eyes were staring intently at the knot I had created. Gray. His eyes were gray. I became infatuated just looking at them.

After about a minute of fiddling with the knot, he finally cut me loose. "Thanks. That's never happened to me before." I said with my voice going about two pitches higher.

Rhett kept walking and lead me to where a woman of about 40 was sitting with some sewing material. As I said before, her body looked about 40, but her face was wrinkly and she had on a bandanna to hide her bald head. Apparently her cancer had made her look prematurely old.

Rhett cleared his throat to grab my Aunt Atlanta's attention. She promptly turned off the TV and put down the socks she was sewing. "Blair?" Is that you?" She asked, slowly standing up and walking over to hug me. "Yes, Aunt Atlanta, it's me." I said with a fake smile. "Wow. The photos your Mom sends for Christmas do you no justice dear." She said.

She put her hand behind her back and slowly lead me in the direction of the sofas. I sat next to her and crossed my legs. "No need to be formal sweetie. Rhett go turn on the air conditioning, it's too damn hot." She said fanning herself.

After Rhett left the room, Aunt Atlanta promptly started her gossip about him. "Well, dear, Rhett is such a sweetie. And he's going to be a doctor, too! Get 'im while you can Blair! All the young pretty things will be after him once he's got his certificate." She said, jokingly. Or so I hoped. I laughed at her joke and she got a weird expression on her face. "I'm being serious, Blair." She said, looking me straight in the eye. "Oh, okay, sorry Aunt Atlanta." I said, my cheeks burning.

Atlanta really had a talent for talking, and talking, and talking. It seemed like she would never stop, but then she received and coughing fit and told me to run along and get Rhett.

I did as I was told and took the opportunity to look around the house a bit. I counted about 15 rooms altogether. It was a very large sized ranch home and the interior was all leather and neutral colors. The whole house had the same style of Rancher's Delight.

I was looking over at a collage of photos on the wall in the dining room when Rhett entered the room to check if I was there. "Ya, I'm here." I said, not turning my head from the photo of Nate and I that my Mom had mailed to everyone at Christmas. I felt a twinge of shame and guilt, but it passed a few moments later.

Rhett walked over to where I was standing and started staring at the collage also. "Hey, is that you?" He asked pointed to a photo of me and my Aunt Atlanta where I looked about five years old. "Hmm, I don't remember ever meeting Atlanta, but that is me." I said, trying to remember when they took that photo of Atlanta and I playing barbies in what looked to be my old room in Manhattan. "Who's that?" Rhett asked, pointing to the photo of Nate and I that I was examining earlier. What is the deal with me blushing all the time! The minute he pointed at the picture, I could feel the heat rushing up to my cheeks. "Umm, that's Nate Archibald. He's my ex-boyfriend from New York." He nodded his head in understanding. "You're Aunt wanted me to show you to your room. It's in the West Wing of the house. You have to walk outside to the other building." He said, opening the door for me to walk through. "There's two buildings?" I asked. "Yep, you can't really tell when you're driving into the property, but it's there." He said.

Rhett walked me through a closed sidewalk connecting both buildings. The architecture reminded me of a mini-greenhouse since it was all glass covering the outdoors, there were also plants everywhere. It smelled and looked beautiful. "I like to think this is the more lavish side of the property." He said, still walking. Ya, how lavish can you get? I couldn't help thinking.

Well, pretty damn lavish if you ask me. I walked into the building and was floored by how beautiful it was. It was decorated in a way that reminded me of The Venetian Hotel in Las Vegas. The first thing that caught my eye were the beautiful paintings on the ceiling of Angels and what I supposed was Greek Gods.

I let out a gasp and was completely embarrassed. "I know, beautiful isn't it?" He said, gazing at the ceiling as well. "Now, look at the wallpaper. It's wonderful isn't it?" He asked, running his hands along it. "Yes, yes, it is." I said, my eyes turning to look at it.

The wallpaper was different colors of gold and white. The flowers running along side the wall were gold and the background had different colors of white. I looked at the floor and saw marble tile that was a whitish/grayish color and another involuntary gasp escaped from my lips.

We were in the entryway so Rhett showed me into the drawing/living room. It was decorated in a similar way but with wonderful furniture to compliment it.

"Let me show you to your room, and you come knock on my door when you want a tour of the house. My room is right next to yours." He said, pointing to the door next to mine. "Okay, maybe tomorrow? I just need to unpack." I asked. "Of course. I'll be in the room next door." Rhett said, before I went inside my room.

I sighed and closed my eyes before sinking to the bottom of the door. I just sat there with my eyes closed for about ten minutes before I got the strength to stand back up.

I looked around the luxury of my room and just stood in awe of all the light pinks and delicate flowers painted on the walls. I ran my hands against the wall and looked at the design on the wall with amazing interest. The delicate pinks made the room look so feminine without being too girly and made it have a sense of high class. I continued to run my hands over the wall until I walked up to a dresser that was painted white with designs of pink flowers.

I slid open the drawers to see what I could fit in the compartments, but it was already filled with my things. It just happened that the first drawer was filled with my unmentionables already. OHMYGOD. This means, oh geez, I don't even wanna think about what this means.

But okay, I guess you don't know what I mean, so here I go, THIS MEANS RHETT UNPACKED MY LACY UNDERWEAR. My Cosabella underwear has been seen by a very handsome, respectable cowboy! Geez, I wonder what he thinks of me.

I guess when I was busy talking to Aunt Atlanta he came into my room and unpacked my things.

This kinda ruined the mood of looking around at my beautiful room and now I was just very embarrassed and a little angry. I tried to laugh at myself and the situation, but it just came out as a groan. I stomped my foot a little too...

I felt drowsy after having my little temper tantrum with myself. I slipped off my blouse and jeans and tugged on some sleep wear. Ugh. And how ironic! The only sleep wear I have is lingerie! I reluctantly put on some lingerie and hopped into my bed.

Now that's some good stuff. This bed was like butter. I slipped right in, and the sheets devoured me in their Egyptian Cotton.

I slipped into a Zen-like state in about five minutes flat. I was just too tired from my connecting flights from JFK to Houston to McAllen to even dream.

I woke up at about 10 PM and tried to get back to sleep, but couldn't, even with the bed. I finally kicked off the sheets and hopped out of bed to put on some sweat pants, an old shirt, and some multi-colored slippers.

I unlocked my door and stepped into the hall and took a left which led me into the living room. The only problem was, I had no idea where the kitchen was so I could get some milk and cookies. I took a left from the living room and walked down yet another hall and opened the first door on the right. Nope, that's the entertainment center. I closed the door and opened the next one.

Okay, yes! I finally reached my destination. I started to look for the spot where I could find the light switch, but before I could find it, the lights clicked on. I turned around stunned, only to find Rhett, sitting down on a stool by the counter drinking what looked like Sprite.

"God. You scared me." I said, with my hand near my heart. "Oh. I'm sorry, Blair. I should've let you know I was in here." He said, standing up and drawing up a stool near his. "I'll sit down in a second. I just need some help. Where are the cookies and milk?" I asked. He stood up and opened the pantry and refrigerator. "Oh, okay. Thanks." I said.

A few minutes later, I sat next to him and starting munching on the cookies. "So, you unpacked my clothes?" I asked. "Yes?" He asked. "Thanks. But umm, I could've unpacked my underwear myself." I said with a smile. I hope to God he doesn't figure out that I'm embarrassed about it.

But instead, he turned a feverish red and started saying, "I'm sorry." about a million times. I kept patting him on the back and laughing nervously. God. Why did I bring it up?

"So what's your family like?" I asked, pleading to change the subject. "My family's great. We're very close-knit. I just don't get to see them that often, what with school and my internship and all." He said, drinking some more Sprite.

We kept talking about families before I abruptly changed the topic. "So, you got a girlfriend Rhett?" I asked, looking into his intense gray eyes. "Well, I used to. But we drifted apart when she transfered to UCLA." He said, his eyes showing no emotion. "I take it you're over her?" I asked, raising an eyebrow. "She ran off with a frat boy to UCLA, I don't feel much remorse." Rhett said, drinking the whole cup of Sprite and getting up to put it in the sink. "Oh." Was I all I said.

"Do you all have any sleeping pills?" I asked, thinking of trying some sleeping pills to help me go back to bed. "Yes. What kind?" Rhett asked. "Whichever." I told him. "Okay, lemme just look in the medicine cabinet in my restroom. And with that, he went to grab me some medicine. "These good?" He asked when he came back, holding some Tylenol PM. "Yeah, looks good enough to me." I said drinking two pills with a glass of water.

Then, I thought, I can't exactly go through up those fattening cookies and milk now that I've just drank these pills. The whole medicine will be gone if I barf. UGH. I guess I'll just have to purge double time tomorrow.

When I was waiting for the meds to kick in, I couldn't help but fantasize about how sex with Rhett would be like. Hmm, I wonder if he would be nice and sweet or rough and hot. God what AM I THINKING! Earth to Blair: Didn't you just go through an ugly break-up THAT YOU CAUSED! And with that, I forced my eyes shut and tried to think of only innocent things, but my thoughts always drifted back to Rhett and I doing it on my awesome bed. UGH I am so bad.

I woke up at noon the next day and walked into my room's bathroom to take my shower. I turned on the shower jets and relaxed in the hot water. As I washed my body with my Gucci Shower Gel, I couldn't stop thinking about Rhett. "Does he think about me too?" I kept asking myself. And I already knew the answer, NO.

I straightened out my hair and put on some body shimmer from Sephora before I stepped out in my Seven jeans and my Lacoste polo. I went with some matching black Manolo Blahnik sandals and went to the kitchen to hopefully bump into Rhett, but was disappointed when I found only my Aunt Atlanta doing the crossword from the Newspaper.

"Hey, Aunt Atlanta." I greeted her, kissing her on the cheek. "Hello, Sweetie. Rhett left the house to go to town to buy me some groceries about two hours ago. He should be back anytime now." She said, looking at her watch. "Oh, okay. I was hoping I could catch a ride into town with him later if you don't mind." I asked, hopefully.

"No, no, of course I don't mind. You two go right ahead." She said, kindly. "Thanks, Aunt Atlanta. I'm about to get some frosted flakes, want some?" I asked, holding the box in my hand. "No, I'm full from Rhett's breakfast." She said while tapping her stomach. "He can cook?" I asked in disbelief. "Yes, that boy can do pretty much anything." She said, also murmuring something about the crossword puzzle.

Hmm... I wonder if he really can do anything...


	17. Drama Queen

**Author's Note: If you want anymore Material Girl, you have to review! And thanks a ton to the people who actually do review every one of my chapters, you are my only motivation here! **

**Chapter 17**

**Dear Fellow Socialites,**

**I fear that we have not spoken in some time, and now it's time to DISH! And by this I mean, talk about B, N, and the newcomer R. I have been doing my detective work, and have discovered absolutely nada about our cute little cowboy. I fear B still has about three weeks to go at that stupid honky-tonk ranch before she can safely return to Manhattan. **

**But hey, while she's been gone, I've been the talk of the town. Hmm, B should be gone more often. I'll see you all tonight at C's party and let's just hope he doesn't bring that stupid monkey of his and that we get wasted! **

**You Know You Love Me,**

**Gossip Girl**

**Blair's POV:**

I stared out of the window of my Aunt Atlanta's kitchen and checked for the umpteenth time if Rhett was coming in his black Ford pick-up. I had been doing this for the past thirty minutes or so, much to my Aunt's annoyance. "What are you doing?" Atlanta would ask over and over again. And yet, everytime I responded "Nothing." My voice would get shakier and squeakier.

How could damn Rhett Montgomery have this effect on me? I am the one that supposed to keep him waiting, not the other way around. I trudged to the entertainment room and turned on MTV to see what was the number one video that day.

Yes, I know, extremely pathetic. But you know, a girl out in the country still has to know what new 50 Cent video is out, ya know? Today's episode of TRL just happened to be a special "Old School/New School" show where the audience would pick the new video from the chart topping artist or pick the older video from the same artist.

As per usual, Britney Spears video was on the countdown and the audience had to decide between her new crappy song or "Toxic". Of course they picked "Toxic". Geez, who wouldn't? The minute I heard the catchy beat, I got up and started doing the choreographed dance that Serena and I came up with one time I was spending the night over at her place.

I was totally into it and I felt the sweat forming on my forehead when I did the one move where I did a sort of belly-dancer move. I then promptly shook my ass in front of the mirror in the one part where the notes repeat.

"Is this a bad time?" Rhett asked, staring at me shaking my arse. Luckily my back was to him so he didn't see my face turn twenty different colors, all of them one form of red.

Okay, Blair, play it cool! Play it cool! I smoothed my sweaty palms on my jeans and flipped my hair while turning around. I saw in one of the mirrors on the wall that my lip gloss was still nice and shiny. "Not at all." I said, looking him straight in the eye and holding my ground. Which actually was pretty hard since his gray piercing eyes were cutting straight into me.

Rhett was looking so cute and available at that moment that I was just bursting to jump on him and kiss him like crazy, but I do have SOME will power people. Geez, I just got out of a serious relationship! Umm, where I cheated on him approximately 1,000,000 times. But that is besides the point.

"Can we go into town?" I asked, batting my eyelashes and pretending it was actually a question to where he had any say, but deep inside, he knew he didn't. He was taking me to McAllen, Texas whether he liked it or not. "Um, yeah. Let me just go get the keys in the kitchen." Rhett said, leaving.

When I heard the door completely close, I let out a small wail and hit the pillow a BIT forcefully, well enough to make the feathers pop out of no where.

After stomping my foot a little and a bit of whimpering, I heard Rhett's truck honk. I grabbed my Fendi bag and slipped out of the sandals into something a little bit more Texan. Aunt Atlanta gave me some cute little pink and black cowboy boots to match with my outfit that she had said she bought for someone else, but never got the chance to give it to them.

Fine with me, even though they were not bought especially for yours truly. I'll just have to deal and embrace these awesome boots.

We got into town at about 4 PM and he drove me to their cute little mall. I swear, the whole town's population was in there making a grab for those disgusting Express Jeans like they were God's Gift to the World. They were in serious need of some Seven Jeans or even an Urban Outfitters around here.

I kept my comments to myself though, because I could tell that Rhett was really trying hard to get me excited and stuff about the stupid mall.

I was pleasantly surprised though that my stereotype about everyone being a cowboy around here was wrong. Mostly all of the people there were Mexican or Hispanic.

I actually had a friend back in Manhattan who was Hispanic and knew Spanish. Her and her little clique would always talk badly about me in Spanish, but I paid off this little freshmen who knew Spanish to snoop in on their conversations.

After I got enough dirt on the little bitch, it was time to run her name all over town and make her flee the city. It worked. She now lives in Jersey. HAHA!

But back to the present, I was currently in one of the little Western Wear stores they had in this dump and was trying on a ton of clothing that would be necessary to wear around here. They included some more chic boots, cute cowboy button down shirts, some Wranglers (eww), and a cute black cowboy hat.

I don't really remember how much the total was, since I was pretty prompt in handing over my credit card for them to swipe, but judging from the manager's goofy smile on his face, it must have been quite a lot.

While they were calling my credit card company because they didn't have one of those stupid machines where you can just SWIPE THE DAMN THING, I walked over to the cute bulletin board they had on the wall. The thing was covered in pictures of people on horses and advertisements for horse riding lessons.

"Hey, that sounds pretty fun." I thought to myself. I searched the thing twice to see if anyone was located in San Isidro but after looking both times and finding out that we were practically the only people who even live around there, the manager came over.

"Looking for a instructor in somewhere inparticular?" The man in the cowboy hat asked. "Well sort of." I said, not looking away from the wall. "San Isidro, if you could look for me. I can't seem to find one there." I asked politely. "Here ya go." He said, pulling a few papers back and grabbing a white flyer with a boring black font.

I frowned down at the flyer for it being so boring, but I put on my fake smile to face the manager and offered my thanks for his help with finding it and helping out with my shopping.

"Rhett? Oh is that you?" I heard an annoying voice call out. Rhett and I both turned around in unison and our eyes landed on a snobby looking bitch. Okay, maybe this is just jealously talking since Rhett practically ran up to her and enveloped her in a hug. "Rhett? Aren't you going to introduce me?" I asked sweetly. "Charlotte, this is Atlanta's niece, Blair Waldorf. You remember Atlanta, I work for her." Rhett introduced.

I extended out my hand for Charlotte the bitch to shake, but she just flipped her hair and pretended she hadn't seen it there. Rhett seeing all of this kinda just cleared his throat and turned back to me with those concerning eyes but I just nodded in assurance that it was okay.

"I'm gonna go get a coffee." I said, pointing to the Starbucks just down the hall in the mall. I left my bags by Rhett and started walking, but I spotted Charlotte kick a bag in the direction of where I was walking, and tried to dodge it but wasn't quick enough.

Within seconds, I was on the floor with my elbows all scratched up and I heard the 'Ohs' and 'Ahs'. Of course Rhett picked me up and dusted me off but I was still pissed. "Excuse me?" I spat at Charlotte, who just smirked. "Are you okay?" She asked with mock concern. "Just a little scrap on my couture shirt, nothing a little money won't fix." I said adding a wink to fake friendship.

Rhett bought it and left to use the mens' room. The minute he was out of sight, Charlotte grabbed my elbow, NOT VERY GENTLY, may I add. "What the fuck do you think you're doing? Get your hands off of me." I said to her with anger burning in my eyes. "I've heard all about you. You think you're just so special don't you Blair?" She said, not finished. "Well you know what, you're not the only one with their eye on Rhett Montgomery, so I would suggest stepping off." Charlotte whispered in my ear.

And then I slapped her. Yep, you read right. I smacked her right on her immaculate little face. She fuckin' started BAWLING HER EYES OUT. And of course, she chose the exact time Rhett came out of the guy's restroom. Rhett ran over to Charlotte who was currently sitting on one of the benches with her head in her hands. She didn't see Rhett approaching, so she kept yelling all these curses at me.

With a very confused look on his face, I led him away from Charlotte and to the exit where I remembered we had parked.

"Excuse me for asking, but what just happened?" Rhett asked, with my hand wrapped around her elbow to keep him walking in my direction.

When we got into his car and he asked where I wanted to go next, I replied, "Can we go out to eat somewhere and then go back to the ranch?" I asked, changing the radio station to try and find something besides COUNTRY.

We ate at Red Lobster and I had a ton of their awesome bread with some pasta to go with it. I was able to eat it without guilt since I knew that all I had to do was go to the bathroom and it would be like I never ate it at all. "So, how do you know Charlotte?" I asked, dabbing at my lips with my napkin. "Well, long story short, she's been chasing after me since puberty. Now that I'm going to medical school, it's like my stock has just gone up a million points and every other girl in town is after me." He asked, coughing.

"Do you think we can raid Aunt Atlanta's liquor cabinet?" I asked as we walked into the mansion. "Well, she doesn't really drink, so I guess it's okay." Rhett said, pulling out his set of keys from his pocket. He led me into the Pool Room where there was a pool table and a bar in the corner.

I sat on the pool table and tugged off my boots. I finally manged to tug the left one off, successfully making myself fall on the floor in the process. I jumped up quickly, and urged that I was fine to Rhett who kept wanting to check if I was okay. I forcefully took off the right boot and sat back on the edge of the pool table.

"Pour me one!" I yelled to Rhett who was laughing at my antics. "I am just hoping you're a good drunk and won't be falling from the pool table AGAIN." He said laughing at me. "Oh shut up!" I yelled sarcastically. "I can just imagine you!" I pointed and laughed.

I feared that I would end up sleeping or making out with Rhett after a few drinks, but lets just hope, that if we did sleep together, I'd leave early enough in the morning so I wouldn't be there as evidence and maybe he'd just be so drunk that he wouldn't remember.

About one hour later, I was sprawled next to Rhett on the pool table. NOTHING HAPPENED! You dirty little perverts. We were just so wasted that we were lying there looking at the damn ceiling.

"You have awesome eyes, you know." I said, turning my face so I was facing him. Okay, and I admit it, I cuddled up next to him, but it's not like he did anything rash like pull away or anything like that. God he was just so drunk that he just turned around and looked at me, with practically no expression.

Any other girl would've thought he looked extremely drunk and probably high at the same time, but I found his stupid expression amazingly sexy.

I was just too tired to act on my thoughts so I closed my eyes and cuddled in closer to him. Then out of no where I felt something warm on my neck. It took me about a second to realize it was Rhett kissing my neck and causing my body to do these crazy spasms and made me feel all hot and bothered.

Just that one little kiss, or five little kisses, made me become all energized and sweaty and all these other things. I let a little moan escape from my lips and that just seemed to trigger Rhett's lust for me. I felt him straddle me and start kissing me like crazy all over my face. Every part of me that he touched or kissed became scorching and I just couldn't take it. It just felt so... so... good.

I tugged off Rhett's shirt and started kissing his chest, hoping my lips had the same effect on his skin as his had on mine. I was pretty damn sure they did until he let out a moan that went a little something like this, "Mmm, Charlotte..."

Well, let's just say I pushed him off of my hard enough for him to land on the floor and yelled in his face, "MY NAME'S BLAIR!" I then added a little kick in his abdomen. Yes, dramatic, but necessary.


	18. Metal Head

**A/N: Oh come on people, two reviews? Now thats pitiful. But, I do thank those two reviewers. I feel loved. Now if you want more after this chapter, you must review! Pretty please? I look at other fan fictions out there and they have at least 20 reviews for the first 2 chapters, and then poor old Material Girl only has 31? Does that sound right?**

**Chapter 18**

I ran back to my room after the little episode with Rhett calling me some whore's name. I tugged off my clothes and jumped into a "I Love NY" t-shirt and some boxer shorts with hearts and climbed into bed.

_How can a boy make me feel so stupid?_ I thought to myself over and over again. _What happened to my self-esteem? I've never had a boy mistake me for someone else. How dare Rhett. And to think I was going to make love to him. _

Well, make love is not exactly what I would've called it if it happened, but you know, it's more dramatic that way.

I tried to force a laugh as a lone tear traveled down my face, but it just came out as a whimper. I half expected Rhett to come knocking at my door and yell his apologies through the door when I refused to open the door. But then the realization of him being too intoxicated to even have a coherant thought flicked into my brain and I knew it wouldn't happen that way.

Ever feel like you want your life to go like it would in a film? I guess I started wishing I would always have the happy ending when I turned nine and began watching "Breakfast at Tiffany's", but I guess when I got into my teen years I learned, life isn't like that. Not by a long shot.

I always thought Nate and I would get married and have endless sex even after our ten year anniversary and three beautiful kids. But now, I see that could never be. I try to blame Nate, but it wasn't his fault. It was all mine. I shouldn't have lied and cheated. I shouldn't have slept with other men. The list of what I shouldn't have done goes on and on, but the truth of the matter is, you can't take back what you've done.

_What doesn't kill you, makes you stronger._ Came into my head. Well, I haven't really been in any near death experinces physically, but I sure as hell have been through a bunch of emotional trauma.

I waited another full hour for Rhett to make his dramatic apology to me for calling me CHARLOTTE, but it never came. I finally heard his door open and close and thats when the tears came.

* * *

I woke up bright and early the next day to try and avoid Rhett Montgomery, just in case he did remember any of his actions from last night. I entered the kitchen, as stealthily as I could muster, but he called out my name after putting down the spoon of his cornflakes.

"Morning." I said, not daring to make eye contact with Rhett. Knowing his intense gray eyes would make me just babble out the truth, or worse, jump him because their so sexy.

I would prefer neither. Well, yes, he's sexy, but a girl has to control her feelings.

"Must have had a wild night, huh?" I asked, hoping it wouldn't give my intentions away. "I guess, I don't remember much. Want some Cheerios?" Rhett asked.

I had to physically stop my damn hand from moving to my forehead and wiping away the invisible sweat. Stupid, stupid reflexes.

"Um. No cereal for me. I'm just gonna get a yogurt and set up those horseriding lessons." I said, grabbing a go-gurt from the fridge and getting the scissors to cut it open. "You need help finding the place?" Rhett asked, handing me the scissors. "No." I said a little too quickly. "I can find it myself." I said smiling.

I changed into some butt-hugging Levi's I had bought the day before, put on a cute checkered red cowgirl shirt and left two buttons undone, and even slipped into some cowboy boots. I looked at the mirror and nodded at my reflection. I definitely looked like I belonged around here. Except, prettier of course.

I got into the forsaken Dodge Neon after spritzing myself with a bit of Chanel 'Chance' perfume and tried to not step in the cow dung this time.

Okay, I know that my stupid horseriding instructor is probably gonna be a 50 year old pervert, but I wasn't about to go out into the spectrum which is San Isidro without looking my best.

Okay, fine I admit it, I just miss getting primped...

I finally got to the gates of the ranch where the address was stated in iron lettering above the welcome sign which said "Daniels Hacienda". Cute name. I noted the security camera was staring right at the stupid Neon and then I heard a voice.

"To your left, there is an intercom. Press the red button and say your name and why you are here." A machine said. Okay, I admit, I jumped. My butt stabbed into the rear view mirror and I let out a squeal.

"My name is Blair Waldorf. I am here to sign up for horseriding lessons." I said, pressing the red button and speaking into the black intercom system. "Look at the security camera above the intercom, please." The robotic voice said once again.

I rolled my eyes at this stupid machine but put on my fake smile and waved for the camera. I know my fakey smile is a nice smile since it won me Miss Photogenic every single year at the private school back home every year. And that, my friends, is a great feat when you come from a school who also educates Serena Van Der Woodsen, model du jour.

After five seconds or so, the gates clicked open and the robot said I was allowed to drive in now. Gee thanks, machine.

I drove up a dirt road similar to the one leading to Aunt Atlanta's compound. Except this one, you could tell was gardened. The weeds were not as extensive as with Aunt's Atlanta's property and there were beautiful bluebonnets everywhere. I could begin to see the shape of three huge buildings. One looking like a barn, the other a home, and the ladder looking like a guest house perhaps.

Um? Which large building do I park at? At the end, I decided on the large mansion which I was guessing was this guy's house. I put the car in park and dropped the keys in my Chanel purse.

I started walking to the entry way and found a door after having to go through a garden and yet another gate. An older Mexican lady answered the door and led me inside talking in spanish. I only heard bits and pieces like, "Senor Daniels is waiting." And stuff like that. The way she was talking, I just kinda guessed that this guy was an older man.

She lead me through a corridor and when she opened the wooden door we were magically in what appeared to be the other building, which was the barn. I kind of expected for you know the maid to just kinda go and leave me to my own devices, but she just kept walking. Right up to where she got to an office which stated, 'P. Daniels" and then a little bit lower, "Horseriding Trainer".

"Go in. He'll be in his office in a few minutes." The maid said to me in strained English. "Thank you." I said to her, while opening the door.

The whole office was in shades of brown. His office was a dark maple wood and you could tell it had just been shined. His chairs for which I presumed were for me to sit in were a dark brown leather and all of his bookcases followed suit. I checked out the trainer's desk just in case he had any family pictures or anything, but his desk was empty except for a day planner and a clock.

"Hey." I heard a voice say. I turned around in alarm to find a drop-dead gorgeous guy leaning on the doorsill with a Puma shirt, some faded jeans, and a pair of Nikes. "Uh... P. Daniels?" I asked, my voice pretty squeaky. "That's what it says on the door isn't it?" He asked with a smug grin on his face, showing off his flawless white teeth. "Well, yeah. But, you're not really what I was expecting..." I said, trying to search for the right words. "Yeah, sure." He said, the smug grin still in place, but in addition he had one of his brows arched and was shaking his head on the way to sit at his desk.

"So, Estefania says you're here to sign up for lessons?" He asked, searching through one of the drawers in his desk. With his eyes not on me, I could really check him out. With him just leaning over, I could see his back muscles moving through his shirt and his hair was dark blond and it looked like it was just begging to have fingers run through it.

CONTROL YOURSELF BLAIR. My mind was yelling. But my body sure was telling me something quite the opposite. "Estefania is the housekeeper, right?" I asked, knowing fully well the answer. "Mmhmm." He said, not diverting his attention to the filing cabinet.

"Okay, here are some forms for you to fill out." He said, handing me a clipboard with about five papers or so on it. "Paul Daniels, by the way. I own the place." He said, extending his hand out for me to shake. His handshake was rough and you could tell he was strong.

"Wow, you own all of this?" I asked. "Yeah. It was my father's." He said, not really concerned. "So, where you from?" Paul asked, shuffling through some papers. I could tell he didn't give a damn, but he just wanted some sort of sound in his office. "New York City. I'm visiting a family member." I said, trying to show the same kind of carelessness that Paul was.

"So what do I wear?" I asked. "What you're wearing is fine, if you wanna look like you know what you're doing. But for comfort, I would recommend just work-out clothes." Then looking me in straight in the eyes. Laughter was in them.

His dark blue eyes were devastating. They looked just so unbelievably beautiful that I couldn't take my eyes away from his. I was just so mystified that I even forgot that he had just made fun of what I was wearing just 30 seconds before.

Damn, who does this guy look like? I was always so good at seeing similarities between actors and people I knew, but I just couldn't find the name of the guy...

Okay, what's his name... you know, the hottie from the new Star Wars movies? Something with an H... Hayden... Ya, that's it. Hayden Christensen?

Before I could think before I spoke, it came out. "You know who you look like? Hayden Christensen." I said, folding my arms and feeling proud of myself. Paul just gave me a blank stare and said, "I have no idea who you're talking about." And shaking his head. "You know, the guy from the new Star Wars movies." I said, making hand gestures and everything. But the blank stare remained on his face.

'Okay, well that didn't go too good.' I thought to myself. "Is that Dodge Neon yours?" Paul asked, bringing me back to reality. "Yeah. It's a rental." I said. "Classes are 500 dollars a week. Every day you come in at 1 PM and class ends when the sun goes down, it might be a little bit longer sometimes. Here, call me if you have any questions." Paul said, handing me a business card. "Come tommorow at 1 PM, if you're late, I won't accept you." Paul said. I was wondering if he asked if that car was me because his classes were a bit expensive and he didn't think I could afford it or something. Well, I'll show him.

'Who did he think he was? I only knew him for half an hour and he was already criticizing me.' I thought angrily. 'He must be good at what he does. You know, to charge 500 dollars an hour in as small a town as this.' I wondered. 'I could so tell he had a six-pack underneath that Puma shirt. I wonder if he'll decide to take his shirt off one day. You know, when it gets too hot outside...'

* * *

I settled into the itchy couch on the other side of the compound where Aunt Atlanta spends most of her time. She was talking to me about something, but all I could think about was Paul Daniels and trying to control my arms to where I wouldn't scratch myself. "So, when your Mother and I were young little kids in Manhattan we were party girls just like you. We were always at the top clubs, most notably Studio 54. Boy, we met some of the most of the famous people there..." Aunt Atlanta kept going on and on about her old glory days. "Really? Studio 54? My friend had a big blow-out there for her birthday and they closed it off just for her and her friends." I said, laughing at the memories of Serena's 15th birthday.

"When you were young and acting like my friends and I do, did you ever ask yourself if your life had any meaning?" I asked her, wanting to know if there was more to life than Martinis and the new club opening. Atlanta got this kind of look that you could tell she was looking back on her life and then about a minute later she answered, "That's a good question. There were great nights, you know, where the cute boy made out with you, or you bought the cute new Manolos and you got a ton of compliments, but there were also times where I would just lock myself in my room and cry." She then grabbed a piece of lint off of her jeans. "I feel the same way sometimes Aunt Atlanta. Like, so far, my life has had zero meaning. I watch people on TV making a difference and stopping poverty, and there I am, doing nothing." I said, so disappointed in myself that all I could do was look at the floor and kick my feet around a bit. "You've made a difference Blair, in coming to see me." Aunt Atlanta said, putting her hand on my shoulder.

* * *

The next day I wandered into the kitchen in hopes of finding one guy inparticular. "Hey, where's Rhett?" I asked my Aunt. "He has the day off, I think he went to see that girl Charlotte or something. Rhett'll be back at about 7 or 8." Atlanta informed me. "Oh, okay." I said, hating the feeling of jealousy I was getting knowing that he was spending the day with Charlotte. "Well, I'm going to horseriding lessons at the Daniels Hacienda. I have my cell if you need to call me." I told her, kissing her on the cheek and getting the Neon's keys off of the wall.

* * *

It was 12:30 PM when I reached the gates of the ranch and talked to the stupid robot. I was dressing in my faded Yale tee and some jeans that were nice and butt-hugging but yet loose enough to where I could move around a bit. I topped it all off with some Nikes and a hat that had once belonged to Nate. I decided not to flat iron my hair that morning so long curls hung from below the "Maine Sailing" cap.

By the time I reached the compound after driving through the dirt road once more, it was 12:45 and yet again, I parked in the house area. I grabbed the large canvas bag in the back of the car which held some shorts just in case I needed to change and went to knock on the door. Estefania, the maid, opened the door and led me once again to the barn area where she dropped me off the minute she got to the door.

"Hello?" I called out, seeing that the barn was empty. "Over here." An impatient voice called out to me. "Coming." I said, hoping I could follow the voice to where Paul was. I followed the sound of his voice all the way to the outside of the barn and to a surprisingly green area which looked like my ex-fling James Vanderbilt's Polo Match field.

"Hey, I'm over here." I saw Paul stretching his legs against one of the posts. "Go ahead and stretch, were gonna run." He told me. "Okay, I'm just gonna change into some shorts then. But running? Why that?" I asked. "We have to get your endurance up. It's a myth that you don't need it in horseriding." And with that, he jumped the fence and started running around the circle.

After I made sure that Paul had turned around, I got out of my jeans and put on some shorts. I jumped over the fence with as much haste as I could muster and ran after him. If Paul thinks I'm just some kid who has no endurance, I'll prove him wrong. I'm a nationally ranked tennis player dammit.

I caught up to Paul in no time and enjoyed the startled face I gave him when he saw that I had gotten up to where he was. "Play any sports?" He asked, looking straight ahead. "Tennis." I said nonchalantly. I looked at his face and noted how awesome his hair was looking. We were running so fast that it was blowing in the soft breeze and in the sun you could see the natural highlights in his locks. "I didn't know you had curly hair. It looks nice." He said, still keeping his focus on the track. "Yeah, I decided not to pull out the straightener today. I guess its the humidity that's making the curls really stand out. But thanks." I told him, touching my cap to see if it was still there. It wasn't. I turned my head to see it laying on the floor at the beginning of the track. "I lost my cap." I said, touching the top of my head. "I noticed." Paul replied, smiling.

We finished three laps of the field and stopped before I knew I would have collapsed from weakness. "Running those laps is a test I give to new students. Shows how trained they are. You're good." Paul told me, grabbing his water bottle and chugging about half of the bottle. "Evian?" He asked, handing me a bottle. "Yeah, thanks." Taking the bottle and trying to satisfy my thirst.

We both sat down on some bleachers he had set up and drank our water, trying to catch our breath back. "I googled Hayden Christensen." Paul said, looking at me with those blue eyes. "I frankly don't see a resemblance, but I asked Estefania and she said she did. So I'm guessing I do look like him." He said, running a hand through his long hair. "You really do look like him. I just can't get over that you don't even know who he is. He's like the "It Boy" of cinema." I said, resting my head on Paul's shoulder. I was afraid his body would stiffen or do anything else, but I guess he was just too tired to back away.

Five minutes later Paul broke the silence, "Let me show you your horse." He said, standing up. Okay, I'll admit it, I was a little sad to have my head removed from his shoulder since he smelled of some great cologne and his hair smelled wonderful.

"This is Massie." Paul said, opening one of the horse's kennels. "She's gonna be your horse for your time here. She's pretty tame." Paul said, running his hands along the horse's face and playing with her.

I had never in my whole life wanted to be a horse more than in that moment... Don't get me wrong, once a month showers are definitely not my thing, but it seemed that Paul Daniels only loved one thing in his life... and that was his horses.

"I got the saddle on her already, wanna jump on her or do you need some help?" Paul asked. "Hmm, can I try it on my own first? But if you see me about to fall, can you help me out?" I asked, already ready to propel myself on the horse. Paul nodded his head.

I propped my left foot on the saddle and tried to push myself up and was almost successful too, but the second I swung my other leg around the horse moved. Well, needless to say, I was a bit stunned and automatically my hands let go of the saddle and I fell to the floor.

The last thing I remember seeing was Paul's stunned face trying to catch me right before my head hit the stepper he had brought for me to use. Too bad the stepper that had just collided with my head was metal...

A/N: Come on people! Please, review!


	19. Moving On

**A/N: Thanks for all the reviews. You all kick butt and I love you dearly! I actually got more than expected of reviews from you all. When I got back from exercise and saw all of them there, needless to say, I was walking on a cloud. Thanks!**

**This chapter is a bit angsty, but it deals with some mature situations that the other chapters may not have dealt with.**

**Hope you like it.**

**Chapter 19**

My eyes fluttered open for a second and snapped back shut involuntarily. The pain was just too much to bear. I tried to remember what had happened, but my head hurt so much that not one coherent thought could pass through.

I lay there with my eyes shut in pain and listening to the distant sound of the TV in the background. I hear the low voices of people and the sound of their quiet footsteps. Even with my eyes shut, I could tell something was terribly wrong.

I didn't trust myself with opening my eyes and possibly seeing something I wish I hadn't.

I hear a door open and feel the sudden cool air come in from outside. I lightly moan and wish that the covers were wrapped tighter around my freezing body. I pay no mind to who's blanket I am using to warm myself or even who's bed I am laying in.

"Who's there?" I ask, trying to prepare myself to feel the pain when I opened my eyes. "Don't worry, Blair. It's me. Paul." Says the figure I cannot yet see. The words have a soothing affect on my body and I feel my muscles that were tense before, relax.

I feel a smile curving onto my lips involuntarily and open my eyes slowly to get a better look at Paul.

I only see Paul, sitting there on one of the retractable sofas they have in my room. He has purple circles under his eyes and he looks visibly worn out.

After I study Paul's features for a moment more, I turn my attention to my environment. The room in which I am lying in is a hospital room. The TV is lightly playing "Wheel of Fortune" and I see a curtain dividing the room in half. The room is all in beige and uniform like all hospital rooms.

I try to move my lips to make out a sentence but they don't separate. Paul seeing this reads my mind and answers my question. "You've been in here for two days." He reaches for a water bottle by the counter and takes a sip. "The doctors think you'll be able to go back home tonight."

Paul took long strides over to where I lay with eyes that are filled with hurt and shame. He pushes some hair out of my face and kisses me on the cheek. I take a swift intake of breath and he then moves his head to kiss me softly on the lips. "I'm sorry." Paul kept saying over and over again. I tried desperately to open my mouth and tell him I accept his apologies but my body wasn't being my head's servant. "I have to go... I'll be back." Paul said, running a hand through his hair.

Too late to let him know it wasn't his fault. Isn't it always too late?

I looked at the IV connected to my arm and saw the morphine dripping into my system. I shut my eyes at noon and get some rest. I feel no pain in my dreams. I am a young child once again in my dream and I am wearing a white cotton dress running down the beach with my Mother and Father trailing after me. I recognized the beach as South Hampton and I turned back to my Mother and Father who are all smiles and come to the realization that life is never what it seems.

"She had a concussion, but she's going to be alright. You can take her home, Mr. Daniels." Is all I hear when I come back to consciousness. It doesn't hurt as much as before to open my eyes. I let my eyes drift down to my apparel and see myself wearing my shorts and Yale t-shirt again.

"The nurse changed you from your hospital gown to the clothing you arrived in." He explained, wheeling me out of the hospital. I nod my head, too tired for words. I turn my head to the left and see the Children's Ward. They all look so sick in that room decorated with a jungle theme. I see one of the patients sitting in a corner on a bean bag reading a book with no hair on her head. I realize she is a cancer patient and I thank my lucky stars for being blessed enough not to be in that situation.

"I went through your file to see your emergency contact. I found an Atlanta Waldorf. She gave me your address and directed me to drop you off at your home." Paul informed me as a nurse ushered me into his Mercedes. I nodded briskly at Paul and let the car seat's leather cushion me into sleep.

I don't remember ever getting home, but there I was. I lay flat in the cushiony sheets with my head throbbing. I run my hands up to my head and cradled it in my arms.

"Ah, just the girl I wanted to see." Rhett says, coming into my room with a glass of water and some Tylenol. I let out a grunt and sit up in bed, much to my body's chagrin. "Give me the pills." I said irritably. I take about twice the dose it says I should take for my weight, but the pain is just so intense that I doubt that will even work.

A few minutes later I was sitting up and watching MTV's Inferno Challenge when Rhett came in once again. "Yeah?" I ask, not very politely. "Just offering some company." He says, sitting on a chair near my bed. "Yeah, whatever. Your already sitting down." I say, annoyed. Rhett then gets this confused look on his face, but lets it pass. Bastard.

"Where's Paul?" I say in a tone that drips with ice.

"Paul? It's Blair." I say when I hear someone answer the number I called. "Blair? Aren't you supposed to be resting?" He asked with concern. "I just wanted to call. You know when you said you were sorry in the hospital and that everything was your fault?" I asked him. "Yeah?" Paul questioned. "It wasn't."

I remember a time when I was a young kid, around seven. My whole family including my father were in Central Park to watch me ride my bike for the first time. I remember being on the verge of falling so many times, but my Father was always there to catch me.

I remember the love he felt for my Mother, and it breaks my heart to see her go for second best with Cyrus Rose.

I did fall. Turning a corner, I lost control of the bike when a goose padded across the track. I pressed the breaks down with all my might and it sent the bike flying with the back wheel in the air.

The bike fell on my ankle and I tried to help it back up onto it's pegs but when I saw the blood gushing out of my knee I lost all my strength. I held back my tears by biting my lip until it bled.

My Mom and Dad ran to where I lay, my eyes watering, and when I saw them, something inside me relaxed and I let the tears fall.

I remember my parents grabbing the antiseptic and rubbing it against my wounds. The alcohol was hurting my cuts even more and I clenched to my Father's shoulders for support.

"You know what fighters like us do when we fall?" My Dad asked me after I stopped crying but still lay on the ground. "We get back up." He said, hoisting me up and carrying me in his arms all the way back home.

I laugh when I remember the moment years ago, but I feel sadness in my heart when I think of what could've been if my family had just stayed together and my Dad had just stayed on the straight side of the fence.

You know, I need to fucking suck it up and take some Tylenol. Fighters like me do not stay in bed all day a week after we bump our heads on a metal stool. We're stronger than that.

"Nate? You there?" I ask when I hear the click of a receiver picking up. "Yes. I'm here." He says after a tense silence. I suddenly feel as though I can't pull through with what I'm about to do. "Nate, I'm sorry. I'm so... sorry." My throat threatens to close up and my eyes begin to tear. I don't know what Nate's response would be, it could be anything. "You know, it's my fault. I shouldn't have left you to your own devices." He says with a light tone, I can tell he's trying to brighten the mood. "No!" I gasp into the phone, I hear my throat make my words transpire into something I don't even recognize as my own voice. "Don't say that..."

"I'm going to see Paul." I tell Rhett while I grab my keys off of the wall. "What? You're going to see the man who made you go to the hospital?" He asks in disbelief. "Yes, is that a problem?" I ask sarcastically. "Well, yes, yes it is." Rhett says crossing his arms. "Well, fine then. You can go fuck yourself." I say nonchalantly. I leave Rhett there with his mouth open and his eyes set in disbelief.

"Paul." I say, sighing into his chest as I pull him into a hug when I see him. He runs his fingers through my slightly curly hair and says, "I'm Sorry, Blair." I lift my face from his chest and gaze into his blue eyes. "How many times do I have to tell you," I say. "It's not your fault." I run my hands through his wavy blonde hair and twist it in my fingers.

I smile at Paul and ask, "Can we go outside to where your field is? I just wanna sit in the bleachers. I hear there's a great sunset." I say, trying to persuade Paul to come outside with me. Reluctantly he agrees and I grab his hand, leading him outside.

"You know," I start, resting my head in the crook of his neck. "I never thanked you for what you did at the hospital. I don't know what cou..." My sentence is interrupted by Paul running his finger down my spine.

"As I was saying, I don't know what could've..." Paul starts moving his fingers in circular patterns. "God.." I whisper into his neck. I hear the distant sound of music playing an old classic. "Come on Paul..."I say, getting up from the bleachers and extending out my hand for him to take. "Let's dance. You can't turn me down, since when you get down to it, you nearly killed me." I say, seriously. His face gets confused and I burst out laughing. "Come on... You know you want to Paul." I say, wiggling my extending hand. "It's freaking 'Lean On Me'. Isn't it like a rule to dance with someone when this song plays? Yeah, I think it is." I say, letting my wit take over my reasonability.

"I knew you had it in you." I said when Paul reluctantly came down and grabbed a hold of my hand. "Am I correct in assuming you know how to dance?" I ask, already swaying my body to the music. "You'd be surprised..." Paul said mysteriously. Just then, he rapidly dipped me and twirled me around when my head was merely feet from the floor. "Wow, you never cease to amaze." I say, catching my breath. "I'd like to keep it that way." He replied.

Paul continues to spin and twirl me for the duration of the song and I giggle everytime he looks me in the eyes with that look of his.

I don't know what it is about that look of his, but it just screams his unadulterated sexiness. And I don't know one girl who could resist that intense look.

By the time the song ends, we end up in each other's arms staring intently at the setting sun. "God, it's beautiful." I say to no one particularly.

I mentally try to file all of the details of this moment into my brain to remember forever. I can picture myself on a rainy day, picking at my brain, trying to remember the warmth and the pure feeling that I feel bouncing between Paul and I's bodies.

I remember his scent, the way his hair curls at its ends, what I'm wearing, the colors of the sunset, the way the blades of grass sway in the light breeze. This all goes into the filing cabinet which is my brain, ready to be rekindled at any moment.

The moment is so perfect that I feel tiny goosebumps on my body.

I can't place my finger on what exactly it is that changes inside of you when someone you love and know is ill with a terminal disease. My theory is that, a part of you dies when they suffer and your just waiting for the other shoe to drop.

Knowing Aunt Atlanta has changed my perspectives on so many outlooks of my life that although she hasn't passed away, I remember her in such a glorious way that you could guess she was.

"Live your life, don't hold back." I remember her tell me one day. Aunt Atlanta was sitting on the edge of my bed having another heart-to-heart chat with me when I asked her, "When you look back on your life, do you regret anything?" She takes an intake of breath and replies, "The easy answer to this question would be yes, but when I take a long look at my life, yes, there have been mistakes, but what doesn't kill you, makes you stronger." When my Aunt says that infamous quote about mistakes and becoming a stronger person from it, I think of my new personal motto that I came up with when I came to her ranch and for the first time, my heart hurts.

The doctors say Aunt Atlanta has a week to live. My head is reeling from the realization that someone I love is going to die. My Aunt has suffered for many years and she should go to a place where she doesn't have to, but what this doesn't cater to, is that I love her.

I didn't even know I had an Aunt Atlanta a few months ago, but just spending a month with her has made me gain so much from her. I've learned how to love without holding back. This is one of the most important lessons I have learned.

_'Why can't she stay? Why can't she stay!' _I think bitterly as the doctors give me the news. _'I love her. Isn't this reason enough for Fate to be fair this one time in my life?'_ But in the end, Fate is never Fair.

I remember vividly the life I used to have before my parent's divorce. Life always seemed so perfect. I know now that love can make your memories take different shapes and change your line of vision completely. What seemed so perfect and right, now seems fake.

I tend to remember the happy moments instead of the bad ones. I guess that's just how the brain works. I find it funny how I can remember what my Dad's favorite Ice Cream Flavor was, but I find it hard to believe the fact that my Mother and Father would argue for hours at a time when I'd pretend to be asleep.

When my Father left with his gay lover, I'd scream in my pillow and pull at my hair to let my aggression out. I let the therapists think everything was fine so I could go out and party with my friends and look for the love I wasn't getting at home in all the wrong places.

I thought being accepted to Yale would change everything for me. In the back of my head, the naive side of me wanted to believe that if I could do this, my father would want to come home and take care of me. I know now that that could never be and that life does, in fact, move on.

_'God. What do you expect of me? What do you WANT from me? What have I done?'_ I pray when I'm holding my Aunt's hand and she is napping in her hospital bed. "You're Mother is here, Blair." Rhett tells me when he opens the door to the hospital room and escorts my Mother, who has red eyes from crying and purple bags under her eyes, into the room.

"Mom?" I ask in desperation. "Sweetie, I know it's hard." My Mom tells me, enveloping me in a hug. When I feel her comforting arms around me I start to sob. "But why, Mom? Why must the World be so cruel?" I ask, my words are choked by frantic sobs. "I know, I know. Life is never fair. I'm so sorry." And by the time she finishes her sentence, my normally composed Mother is leaning on me for support as the tears flow out of her eyes. These tears have been waiting to fall ever since her divorce.

I remember a time right after my Mother and Father's divorce where my Mom had turned into the depressed woman she is today. For years, my Mother never shed a tear and all of her emotions stayed bottled up inside, yelling to be freed.

"Why don't you cry for Daddy?" I ask one day, snuggling into my Mother's lap. "He's not worth it." My Mother says coldly. "But, but... Why isn't he worth our tears, Mom?" I ask, confused. "He left us, Blair. Can't you see that? Are you blind?" She asks harshly, grabbing my shoulders. I start to cry but my Mother sends me to my room without a hug or kiss goodnight.

That was the night I started seeing the glass as half empty, instead of being like any other kid, and seeing it as half full.

I walk around numb for the next two days, oblivious to anything going on in the world besides my Aunt dying. When I take the chance of turning on the TV and trying to boost my feelings I get annoyed at the shallow waif-like stars on the television and end up hurting my toe when I kick the TV.

"What am I going to do without you?" I ask, wiping my Aunt's forehead to get rid of the sweat gathering. "Simple. You move on." She says, grabbing my hand and kissing my palm. "But, I can't.. I can't." I say, blinking back my tears. "No one said it was going to be easy." She said, her eyes penetrating my thoughts.

Nothing is ever easy.

That night I can't go to sleep, even with the aide of a soothing phone call from Nate. There's nothing that can soothe the ache you feel when someone you love is dying while you are lucky enough to be the innocent bystander.

Later that night, I throw up so much that I feel my throat ache but as much as I try, I can never feel the void I feel.

"I'm so sorry, Ms. Waldorf." The doctor tells me the next day, trying to soothe me. "You can go say your goodbye's now." He tells me. When I walk into my Aunt's hospital room, I see my Mom clinging to my Aunt's side. My Aunt's eyes are open but there is a look in them which is the tell-tale sign of her despair. Not for her condition, but for the hurt she is causing her family.

My Mom leaves me alone in the room with my Aunt Atlanta and I sit on the bed, my head resting near hers on the pillow we share. "I'm going to miss you so much..." I cry on her shoulder. "Yes, and I will miss you as well." She soothes into my ear. "Just promise me one thing?" Atlanta asks. "Yes, yes. Anything." I sob. "When we meet in Heaven, remember me." She says. "How could I ever forget you?" I ask in despair. "You can never forget someone you love." I reason. "My point exactly. Don't ever stop loving. And then, you will never forget the people you love." She tells me, her eyes slowly close. "Don't close your eyes. Come back..." I yell. "I love you." She whispers. "I love you too." I say, holding her close to me.

Then the startling beeping from the machine near her bed starts. She has passed away. Leaving me behind.

Walking back to the waiting area where my purse and Mother are waiting for me, I feel my legs start to shake. My heart beats to an irregular beat and my heart feels like it could break at any moment.

"What am I going to do without you Aunt Atlanta?" I ask aloud. When I reach where my Mother is weeping, I try to sit down next to her but my legs fail me and I begin to fall.

I feel my Mother's hands wrap around me, helping me up. For the first time in my life, when I fall, someone is there to catch me.

**A/N: I will not be adding more chapters unless I get some reviews. Thanks. **


	20. Clingy

**Gossip Girl: Material Girl**

**By: Senorita Cassandrita**

**Disclaimer: I do not own, in any way, the Gossip Girl series. **

**A/N: Thanks to all of my reviewers. You all are the reason I keep writing this story. **

**I hope you all like this new chapter...**

**I love you Femme Teriakyi! **

**Your reviews are greatly appreciated. **

**Chapter 20**

**_Two Weeks After Aunt Atlanta's Death:_**

I don't know what I did wrong, really. One day, I was mourning the death of my beloved Aunt and the next I was playing tonsil hockey Paul. I just don't know how you can go from one extreme to the other so quickly.

Well, yeah, it was great... But it didn't last. For about a week we were happy together, but then the next he was completely ignoring me. I don't know what his deal was.

I would've ran back to New York as fast as my little Manolo's could take me, but I was stuck at the house. I know I know, if you were me you would not make ANY excuses for not getting out of a bad situation. But, I just HAD to stay. Problem being: My Aunt's Will was being read.

Apparently that sucker is one long Will. My Aunt Atlanta was very thorough in planning this. She actually made each one of her China plates it's own paragraph. And some law requires me to be there to listen to the stupid thing that just reminds me of my dear Aunt.

"Mom, can't we just go already? I don't like being here." I whined one day after all of the visitors for the Will reading had left.

"No, we can't just go. We are not leaving until next week. I do not want you complaining either. Rhett is still here and could be listening at any time." My mom warned.

"Why is he still here." I whispered. God damn it, why is the guy still here? My Aunt is dead! DEAD! She was the only reason dear old Rhett was even here. I just wished that whenever we'd bump into each other in the hall he wouldn't ask me if I was OK or stare at me with those gray eyes like he does.

"Fine. But once this week is up, I want to be in New York as soon as possible. I'm going to check Expedia to book our flight." I told her, leaving the room.

I had just left when I thought I heard my mom mutter, "I thought she had changed."

* * *

I didn't wanna be clingy or anything, but I just had to instant message Paul when I was surfing the net looking for the plane tickets. Well, give me credit, I waited five whole minutes before I imed him.

NuevoYork77:_ Hey. What's up? _I said, trying to be nonchalant.

PaulDaniels21: _Hello Blair. To what do I owe this Instant Message? _He replied after three minutes. Hey, I wasn't counting! It just had the time stamp by his message. Cough... Cough...

NuevoYork77: _Oh nothing really. I was just wondering why you BRUSHED me off. _I had promised myself not to get worked up, but just seeing his smug little message was getting me mad.

PaulDaniels21: _Hmm. Brushed off is the term you used? Well, if you think that's what I did, I apologize. I just thought you'd understand my intentions. _

NuevoYork77: _And would you care to tell me what those INTENTIONS were? Just to get laid? Or am I presuming too much since we didn't? Or, is that the reason you dropped me to the curb?_ I asked. OK, I know I shouldn't be using Capital letters since Serena had told me one time that it shows the person is desperate. "People can read just fine in lower-case, you know." I remember her telling me.

PaulDaniels21: _I had just thought that you would understand that sometimes people break up. You know, being a Big City Gal like yourself. And I am truly hurt that you would think I would end our relationship because I didn't, and I quote you, "Get Laid". There were many other factors involved, Blair. _

NuevoYork77: _I bet you think you're SOOO smart, quoting me and all. Well, yes, getting laid is what it's called among people my age, Thank You Very Much. Well, are you gonna tell me those factors then?_ I replied, hoping he couldn't tell my face was a bright crimson from the embarassment.

PaulDaniels21: _You were too clingy. You were a bit of a flake. Now, don't hit me. You wanted the truth remember?_

NuevoYork77: _CLINGY? Are you serious, Paul? When was I ever clingy? Remember, you were the one who practically jumped me for that first kiss. And also, you were the one calling me just to tell me GOOD NIGHT. _

PaulDaniels21: _You are making me regret the whole relationship, Blair. Just stop while your at it. Yes, I kissed you. And let me remind you that you didn't exactly tell me to stop. _

NuevoYork77: _Fine. Go ahead and regret the relationship. I DO. _

NuevoYork77 HAS SIGNED OFF

Oh I get it now. He thinks I was clingy? CLINGY? Oh God, when was I ever clingy? Never. And a flake? Pfft. Well, to hell with him. He thinks he's soooo smart. Yeah... Right.

If Serena were here, I know exactly what she would say. And I'm thinking of actually listening to her this time...

"Revenge is sweet." I can hear the words already coming off of her lips.

* * *

"Hey Rhett." I greeted him as I walked into his room late at night. "I felt lonely. Can I sleep here?" I asked with my puppy eyes. I heard Rhett shift in his sheets and I actually heard him clear his throat. Haha! Poor thing. He has no idea what I'm about to do...

"Yeah, come on over. I was just getting to bed." He said, tapping the empty side on his bed.

"Geez Thanks, Rhett. I just watched this really scary show about exorcisms, and it was so scary." I said, visibly shuttering. God, I'm a great actress aren't I? "Let me just take off my robe." I said, undoing the knot on my robe and letting it fall to the floor. Oh Geez, now that expression on his face was priceless when I revealed that sexy lingerie that he had actually unpacked for me on my first day at the ranch.

"Um, Blair? What are you doing?" Rhett asked, trying to keep cool. Totally not working, may I add.

"Oh, you don't like? I just feel more comfortable in this. If you don't like it, I'll just slip into something else," I asked, already getting ready to unclasp my bra.

"No... No. Um, what you're wearing is just fine. Perfect." He said, coughing.

"Are you OK?" I asked in mock concern, I jumped on the bed and got as close as possible and started patting him on his back. Although by the time I had placed my hand on his back he had already stopped coughing. "Oh, Rhett. I want you so much..." I said, making my voice husky. I had to stop myself from laughing since I sounded so pathetic. Trick is, you do not go in for the kill. The guy has to be the one to initiate contact. Well, that's what I've heard. I'm no expert. I waited for him to just frickin' lean in to kiss men, but it's like the guy was frozen. Oh fuck it, I'm gonna do it.

And with that, I kissed him hard on the lips and had to force my tongue into his damn mouth. He wasn't budging though. I had to grab his arms and wrap them around my neck. I hope this guy is no virgin. That would just be... odd. "Have you ever been with a woman?" I asked Rhett. Oh Geezus, did I just steal a line from Forrest Gump? This is going worse than expected. "Yes, I have. I've been with Charlotte." He told me after I broke the kiss and waited for his answer.

Ah yes, Charlote. Charlotte comes to save the day every single TIME doesn't she? "Only her?" I asked hopefully. The only reason I was even hopeful was so I could throw this in her face after the deed was done. "Yes, of course." He answered, trying to pull my lips back to his. I could barely contain the smug grin that was coming to my lips when he said this.

About 5 minutes later, I was laying on my back getting my breath back. 5 MINUTES! HOW PATHETIC IS THAT? I asked over and over again. Poor Charlotte, she mustn't have gotten that great of a lay when she slept with little old Rhett. Wait, what am I thinking? Sympathy? Towards Charlotte? I think not.

So now that I had Rhett wrapped around my little finger I could do what I came in here to accomplish in the first place. "You know the Fourth of July Dance Paul Daniels is hosting this year? Well, I really wanted to go..." I pleaded, planting kisses along his neck while I spoke.

Reading my mind, Rhett asked, "Oh I really wanted to go too. Would you care to be my date?" He said it all gentlemanly too. I felt a little bad for the guy. But in no way was that going to sway me from my mission.

"Oh course Rhett. It would be an honor." I said, making sure I got that little twinkle in my eye.

"Wonderful. I hear Paul is taking Charlotte as his date." He said, a frown beginning on his face. Inside my head was racing, PAUL AND CHARLOTTE? TOGETHER? Oh this is too good to be true. I could kill two birds with one stone here. My original plan, of course, had been to just show up with Rhett and get Paul jealous. But NOW, I could get Charlotte's panties in a twist too. Oh this is a Godsend.

Well, I ran back to my room to sleep as soon as I was confident Rhett had fallen asleep. Never... Again. God, the guy told me he loved me right before he conked out. He told me HE LOVED ME! Now this is going too far. But yet I couldn't force myself to stop. I was getting a rush from just toying around with him. I recall a similar feeling with Nate after a break-up which we had once had. And there were many of those. When he would call and leave me drunken messages declaring his adoration for me, I found fun in not returning his calls until a week had past.

I couldn't go back to sleep for hours, so I turned on my laptop. I checked my emails just to see a ton of advertisements for sample sales and invites to "The parties of the year". I almost booked my flight a day early so I could make it to P. Diddy's White Party in the Hamptons. But I had to remind myself why I was here in the first place.

I replied to the emails from Serena, Nate, and that freak of a freshman Jenny. I warmly responded to Serena and Nate since they were, of course, friends, but when I got to Jenny's email I asked how the hell she had even gotten my email account. Mean, I know, but it's not like I care.

I signed on my instant messenger and saw a few people online. I wonder what they were doing up at this hour. Probably getting back from some party that will get them all over the gossip columns, while I'm here in TEXAS. Great.

I did notice Paul was online and debated whether to message him or not. Five minutes later, my procrastination was over and I had messaged him.

NuevoYork77: _What are you doing up? It's almost 3 AM. I hope you're not with that Charlotte character. I know you're better than that..._

PaulDaniels21: _For your information, I was asleep. But you woke me with that annoying beeping sound my laptop makes when I get a message. That continuous nagging... Hmm, that reminds me of someone. _

NuevoYork77: _Oh, you can't possibly mean me can you? Oh, I am so hurt... Not. You didn't answer my question, Paul. Is Charlotte with you? I have heard quite the disturbing news that you are now an item. It can't possibly be true. _

NuevoYork77: _Not that I care in the least. _

PaulDaniels21: _Let something slip did we Blair? Charlotte and I could possibly be an "Item", but I am not sure of it yet. When I did talk to her during our lesson yesterday, she did show great disdain for you. I wonder why. _

NuevoYork77: _Well, you can tell little Miss Charlotte I could care less about what that gold-digger thinks. I will come out on top. Tell that for me, Paul Darling? _

PaulDaniels21: _Oh of course I will tell her, Blair. Yeah... Right. Who do you think I am? Your servant? You can tell her yourself at the dance on the 4th. Are you going by the way?_

NuevoYork77: _The only actual social event in this town? Of course I'm going you half-wit. And why won't you tell Charlotte what I have said? I'm sure she won't hold it against you if you tell her. We only did make-out repeatedly. But, you know, WHO CARES? _

PaulDaniels21: _Jesus Blair. What do you want me to say? Yeah, we had our fun, but it's over. How many times must I tell you this. And now, I hope we can continue communication without you recollecting the past. _

NuevoYork77: _Fine, I can do that. And I will. So, let's act like any other male and female in a strictly platonic relationship shall we? How does this work? Ah, yes. What's up Paul? How is everything going since me and you had last spoken? _

PaulDaniels21: _I knew you could do it. And since you asked, my life has gone delightfully well. I have actually aquired a new customer for lessons. And since I know you are going to ask... It's Charlotte. That girl just came right around the day after you went and knocked your head. _

NuevoYork77: _So you're saying, Charlotte pounced on you when I was in the hospital? In a COMA? Oh, she is going to pay... But back to what we were discussing, that's great Paul. I'm delighted you have received another customer. Too bad the doctor told me to stop lessons for the time being. You know, because of the fall you inevitably caused. But, oh well. _

PaulDaniels21: _Oh, I almost forgot to tell you. Remember how I googled Hayden Christensen? Well, one day imbetween horseriding lessons with the senior citizens, I googled you. Yes, it seems like you were quite busy in a life I had no idea you lead. Thanks for the honesty Blair. Really, I'm touched. _

NuevoYork77: _AHA! I think I know why you virtually ignored me and dumped me! You didn't like me not being honest with you about my life in New York. Yes, I know I'm right. Hold the applause! Yes, I know I am the next Sherlock Holmes. No need to thank me for uncovering the truth... It's what I do._

PaulDaniels21: _Congratulations, Blair. It's 4 AM now and that is very late. I have lessons at 7 AM tommrow. I am going now. Sweet dreams. _

PaulDaniels21 HAS SIGNED OFF

Well, at least I know why it's over now. I guess that should offer some closure now. I do feel a bit better about the situation. I guess it is a bit my fault, I should've told him, I know I should've. Do I still want to go through with what I'm going to do on July 4th? Do I really wanna go Cruel Intentions on them?

I turned off my laptop and laid back in the Egyptian Cotton sheets and contemplated my thoughts. OH MY GOD. It just dawned on me. I slept with some guy to get what I want. I never believed sex could be used as a weapon, but now I realize it indefinitely could be. And I now wish it couldn't. I remember it was just two months ago that I had thought sex was supposed to be a huge step in a relationship between two people who are in love, and now, I am simply throwing it away to get what I want.

And now, I've definitly gotten myself into some deep shit. Just in the other room is a young man who claims to be in love with me, across town is another who despises me, and then somewhere out there, Charlotte is laughing her ass off. I am so gonna have a psychological breakdown...

* * *

I woke up at 10 AM to the sound of my door opening and Rhett walking in with breakfast. No! Great, I've gotten the one man on Earth who actually cares about me and I don't want him to!

"Just leave me alone Rhett. Put the breakfast on the desk. I'm on my period." I lied to him. He raced out of the room like a scared little kitten as soon as he left my breakfast. The "I'm On My Period" lie always works.

Although I did lie about being on my period, as soon as Rhett left, I began to feel a bit sick to my stomach. I thought it was nothing, but than a searing pain shot through my stomach and I clutched it in my hands.

'Oh God. What did I do to deserve this!' I thought, biting my lip until it bled when another pain shot through me. 'Well Blair, if you want a list of your sins... just ask.' The other side of my brain told me. "Oh shut up! I am no schizophrenic. Calm down Blair..." I said aloud.

I finally decided to just go to sleep and hope that the pain would be gone when I woke up. I fell asleep pretty quickly considering the pain I was in, but didn't find it odd.

* * *

The next thing I knew, I was being yanked onto a medical stretcher and I could barely open my eyes. All I heard was Rhett's voice frantically yelling at a EMT that I was on my period or something like that.

I don't really remember the ride to the hospital, except that it was very bumpy since practically everything we traveled on was dirt road.

When I did open my eyes and look around, one man asked me, "When was the last time you vomited your food intake?"

"What... What are you talking about?" I questioned, my voice weak. I looked from side to side, trying to find a familiar face and finally seeing my Mother with tears in her eyes.

"I had to tell them, Blair. I had to tell them about your eating disorder. They said anything could help." She told me, teary eyed.

Words could not describe the rage and hate I was feeling towards my Mother for telling my deepest, darkest secret. With the arm that wasn't hooked up to an IV, I mustered my strength to slap her across her left cheek. My palm hit the side of her face with such force and a deafening slap was heard all over the ambulance.

An EMT shot something through my IV, I think it was some sort of morphine because I collapsed onto the stretcher and my arm fell flat beside me. My hand was still throbbing from the pain I had caused to my Mother and to myself.


	21. Drum Roll Please

_**Material Girl: Gossip Girl Fan-Fiction**_

_**Chapter 21**_

**By: Senorita Cassandrita**

**Disclaimer: I do not, in any way, own the Gossip Girl series. **

**What you do not recognize is probably from my imagination...**

**(A/N): Thanks for the reviews, my faithful reviewers. **

**I do have one favor to ask, **

**could you give me some ideas of what you would like to **

**see happen in the future chapters. Any input would**

**greatly be appreciated. **

**Hope you all like Chapter 21!**

I seem to always be getting in trouble don't I? And what the heck is up with me being in the hospital every other day? I must've done something really horrible in my past life... _Try this life Blair. _

Oh shut up, logical side of my brain. I'm just a hormonal teenager going through changes and who also just happens to have an eating disorder which gave her a heart attack in her sleep. No biggie.

Well, here's what happened, in case you're wondering...

* * *

_I went to bed after those horrible stomach pains, but now that I think about it, they weren't really in the stomach area at all. A little higher and in the direction of that blood-pumping organ. What's that thing called again? Oh, yeah, my heart. _

_I don't remember any pain during my sleep, which is supposedly when the heart attack took place. But Rhett, being the nosy little bastard he is, came in to check up on me. When he saw me going through spasms, well that was enough to call an ambulance over. And the poor love-sick puppy told the EMT's I was on my period. 'Tard he is. _

_OK, OK, I know I shouldn't be talking about the guy who practically saved my life like that, but give me a break here. I've got tubes up the wazoo and I'm high as a kite from all of the medication they've been giving me for the pain. _

_Shoot me now... I just said _WAZOO_. I need help._

_Back to the point... I woke up a few hours ago when the doctor came in to tell me the prognosis. He was a man in his early 30's and was balding. Eww. Couldn't he just use Rogaine or something? Seriously. _

_OK, yes, he is trying to save my life and all, but baldness on younger men is one of my pet peeves. I don't really know what I was thinking, did I expect my doctor to be straight off of the set of "ER"? And if he would have stepped straight off the set like I had hoped, I would prefer the doctor to be Shane West... But you know, beggars can't be choosers... I'd settle for Noah as my Doc. _

_Ah yes, the point... I knew I had one somewhere in there. Oh yes, the doctor came in and checked my stats. He said everything looked normal and then left saying he would return in about 30 minutes. He left and I was soon left to my own devices. Devices meaning the remote control and 20/20 on ABC. Yes, Diane Sawyer can always calm your nerves..._

_"Oh My God. Michael Jackson was acquitted? What is wrong with the world?" I asked the nurse who was giving me some pain-killers. The nurse ignored me and left. Well... Fiiiine. _

_A little over an hour later, the doctor came back with two nurses in tow. The Doctor had a nice smile on his face, but the two nurses were looking at me sternly. I was half-expecting them to jump me and yell something like, "CAVITY SEARCH!" for no apparent reason. _

_"So, what's wrong with me?" I asked. I was hoping it all turned out to be nothing and I was just having these random spasms in bed. Possibly from guilt? Yes, that could be a reason... _

_"It seems that you had a heart attack, Miss Waldorf. Your mother gave us your background information and we are led to believe that the sole reason is your eating disorder." Dr. Fitzgerald told me, looking over his chart once again. I think he was afraid to look me in the eye, probably for my sake. I sure as hell think having a eating disorder is humiliating and it was nice of him not to add to insult. _

_The nurses weren't so kind. I turned my head in their direction to see them giving each other looks and whispering to one another. "Can they leave, Dr. Fitzgerald? I don't want more people in here than needed." I said professionally. _

_"Yes, yes, of course." He told me, and he turned to let them leave. Right before they left I looked at one of them straight in the eye and put a smug smirk on my face. 'How do you like that?' I silently asked. 'Wait, now that was lame Blair and you know it. 'How do you like that?'... God, you're worse than I thought.' My schizophrenic side yelled. _

_"So what am I supposed to do?" I asked him. I don't see myself going to that 4th of July Dance at Paul's anymore... PFFT! So my feminine wiles over Rhett were for nothing! _

_"We, of course, want you to stop your eating disorder immediately, and we recommend some rest. Your mother also informed me of the recent death in your family. May I recommend a vacation? Or maybe a call to one of your friends? Anything you think that would relieve stress would do wonders for your health..." He continued. I kinda zoned out though. I was too busy thinking of how hard it would be to stop vomiting after every single meal. It was such a habit to me, that I worried it was an addiction.

* * *

_

And so now, I'm here in my hospital room, watching the "Give Me A Break" segment of 20/20. Today's segment is about the difference between Premium and Regular Oil. I was always one to use Premium whenever I was driving one of my cars out in the Hampton's, but I guess you really don't have too, since technically there is zero difference.

Isn't it nice to watch TV and forget all about your problems? I had almost forgotten them too, but my mom walked in right after the credits rolled and I was getting ready to eat my Jello and Macaroni.

"Ah, yes, Mother. What you doing in here?" I asked, with dread in my voice. OK, I know it was in my best interests that she told the paramedics about my eensy-weensy eating disorder, but still... I would've told the doctors myself, if they asked. Well, I'm pretty sure I would've...

"Hi, Blair. I was just checking up on you. I really wanna talk." She said, looking down at her hands.

"About?" I asked.

"Well, about your eating disorder, sweetie." She said nervously.

"What is there to talk about? I thought you knew everything you needed to know since you had no problem telling the paramedics." I said through gritted teeth. I turned on my side so I wasn't face her.

"You don't understand Blair... You could've DIED!" My mom yelled in desperation. I couldn't see her expression, but I heard her sob and sniffle. Haha, funny word there, sniffle...

"Who cares if I'm DEAD? Really mother, who? You? Yeah, fine, I'll give you that, but who else? NOBODY. Nobody cares about me mother." I said, trying to hold back my sob by jamming my eyes shut and biting my lip.

"Do not give me that Drama Queen attitude you use to get yourself out of situations, Blair. You know your funeral would be packed..." She said, her tone changing totally.

"Jeez thanks Mom, knowing that my funeral will be filled with people I don't even know is a very big reassurance, ya know. Now will you please leave me the hell alone. I have recently had a heart attack and I want to be left alone." I said, extra calmly, as to let the rudeness of my words sink in to the bone.

"Well, if that's what you want. You can reach me in New York. I am leaving as soon as possible. Why, you ask? It seems you want me to, quote, "Leave you the hell alone", unquote. Kisses, Blair. Call me if you need me." She said, waving a hand at me and grabbing her bag to leave.

"Oh mother, now who's being the Drama Queen? You sit back down. You are not leaving your only daughter who has just suffered a HEART ATTACK." When she sat back down I added, "I knew you were bluffing anyways." Just between you and me, I didn't.

* * *

The next two days went by in a haze, the hours just slipped by really. Well not really, I was just so engrossed in those daytime soaps that time just seemed to fly by.

Finally, my mom was ordered to go home to the ranch and get some sleep on an actual mattress and not on the stupid pull-out sofa by the doctor. My mom begged and fought to stay but eventually she left when the security guards arrived.

"Ms. Waldorf? Ya got a guest by the name of Paul Daniels. You know this man?" One of the rude nurses I was telling you about asked when she barged into my room one day.

"Yes, send him in. Oh and by the way, Gladys, would you be a doll and next time KNOCK before you barge into my room? Ya, thanks sweetie." I rolled my eyes at her.

"I see you're not very fond of your nurse... Seems like every single woman that is sexually attracted to me seems to detest you." Paul said, slipping off his denim jacket and pulling up a chair next to my bed.

"You seem irregularly confident today... What did you do? Or perhaps, WHO did you do?" I asked with my brow raised ever so slightly.

"Oh, I'm just happy to see an old friend..." He replied.

"Mmhmm. So what exactly are you doing here?" I asked, crossing my arms.

"Just offering some company. I know you could use some right now." He said.

"Whatever you do, can we not talk about, you know... why I'm in here?" I asked, hoping I wouldn't have to go through the embarrassing details.

"Of course not. I was hoping we could just watch some movies. I called and asked if they have DVD players and they delivered one to your room before you woke up from your nap." He told me.

"OK. Fine. What did you bring for my viewing pleasure?" I asked, more comfortable.

"Drum roll please..." He said, tapping his fingers against a desk. "STAR WARS! I just got Episodes 4-6 on DVD. I had to claw through a ton of geeks who live in their mom's basements to get this. Be proud of me. Actually, I think I deserve a pat on the back..."

"I've never seen those movies. I guess it was kind of an unwritten rule that proper girls didn't watch those types of things. Well, a first time for everything, huh?" I tried to sound happy, but frankly I was just too weak.

"Ah well then, we must get them started now so you can make the epic choice between good and evil... Or just who's hotter, Luke or Han Solo." He joked.

"I would say Han, because he's so manly... and look at his hands... Oh I could just..." Paul kept going on sarcastically during the first movie. I really was getting into it so I told him to shut up a few times.

"Yes, Jedi Master Blair." He said once after I told him to shut it, clasping his hands together like he was praying and then bowed.

"Damn straight, I'm a Jedi Master. Pfft." I said with sarcasm and folding my arms.

Although Paul and I had broken up, it seemed like the minute we were put in the same room together again, everything just seemed to click. It wasn't exactly this way in the beginning of our relationship when he criticized me on my fashion choices and stupid rental car.

"I've come to a decision, Paul." I said seriously. "I have chosen..." Paul got a confused look on his features and I tried to hold back a snort. "Luke Skywalker. He is soooo much hotter than Han. Han is just too much man for me." I said, shrugging my shoulders. "You can have him."

"The young, pretty ones always pick Luke. Lucky bastard." He told me, laughing.

"I'm young and pretty, huh?" I asked confidently. It must have been the drugs they were hooking up into my IV. Well at least I wasn't afraid or embarrassed of anything. For the moment being.

"What makes you think you're not?" He asked, grabbing the remote and pressing pause.

"Oh I forgot, you know my dirty little secret now don't you? Paul, you don't know the half of it. So please don't judge me. If I wanted people to know, I would've told them that I barfed all of my food into the fucking toilet, don't cha think?" I asked him, annoyed.

"Um, that's not what I asked, though. I asked why you think you're not young and pretty. But OK." He said, furrowing his brows in confusion.

"Of course I'm young, Paul. But you don't what it's like to go to a school where everyone is supermodel gorgeous and is a billionaire do you? Having your boyfriend being the most sought after guy in town, and he also frequently dumps you? How about having your best friend fuck your boyfriend in 8th grade?" I asked desperately.

"Well I'm not Dr. Phil or anything like that, but if it's any assurance, I think you're pretty. Beautiful, actually." Paul said, leaning over and giving me a kiss on the forehead.

"Thanks. But yet another thing to add to my list... Ex-Boyfriend wants to tell you you're beautiful, but then only kisses you on the forehead. Great." I said, grabbing the remote from the table and pressing play. Hoping it would stop the conversing.

"Hey, I almost forgot to give you this." Paul told me when he was getting ready to go. "I brought you your laptop. Since it's one of those wireless ones, we can talk to each other on instant messenger. What do you think?" He asked hopefully.

There still was that awkwardness between the two of us after what I had said about him only wanting to kiss me on the forehead and telling me I was beautiful but I thanked him and assured him we would talk that night.

* * *

PaulDaniels21: _Hey Blair. How are you feeling?_

NuevoYork77: _Hi. Eh... I'm doing as I could be doing in a hospital. I'm watching the bonus material for the Star Wars collection you left for me in hopes that I would become a huge nerd and join you in your cult-like group of nerds who love this trilogy... Just kidding... Seriously. _

PaulDaniels21: _WE ARE NOT A CULT! OK, um, kidding? And you just stole a line from Dodgeball with the "Just kidding... Seriously." I am disappointed in you Blair... (My nickname in the cult is Darth Paul. You know, like Darth Maul...)_

NuevoYork77: _God you are lame Paul. I mean, Darth Paul. Can we please pretend like you didn't just say everything you just did and get back to a normal conversation? _

PaulDaniels21: _Oh, but that was so much fun. But fine. I am watching "Best Week Ever" on VH1. They are currently putting in their two cents in about the Batman Begins movie. I did see that movie and I also thought Batman's voice change from when he was Bruce Wayne and Batman was a bit drastic..._

NuevoYork77: _God, I didn't know you were such a geek to notice such things. I think I saw that episode too. Is it the one where that one comedian does his voice and goes something like, "I'm Batman. Now take off your panties." In that really low, sexy, seductive, erotic voice...? Whoa, control yourself Blair. _

PaulDaniels21: _I suggest Christian Bale (the actor who played him) get a restraining order against you. I can really see you as his number one stalker. _

NuevoYork77: _I hate you. _

PaulDaniels21: _But, that's too bad because I love you. _

PaulDaniels21 HAS SIGNED OFF

* * *

Well naturally, my mind was racing after what he had just told me, but I couldn't stop myself from thinking that maybe it was a joke. I knew how cruel and mean Paul could be at times, but I found it unbelievable that he could joke around like that. And if he were actually kidding, I doubt he would sign off and run away like a coward. No, it has to be the truth, it must be.

But the question is, if it were true, would I really want it to be?

When I got home and found my cell phone, I had missed a ton of calls. Most were from well-wishers back in NYC who found out about my condition from E! News Live. I have no idea why they were even talking about me, I thought I was out of the lime-light now? Well, it's not like I don't like being on everyone's mind...

This was one of the emails I had received from Chuck Bass, you know the freak with the monkey and army wear:

_Heya Blair. I just saw you on the news. And might I say, those pictures they put on the telly made you look mighty fine... But back to the point, I hear you been blowing chunks, huh? I always suspected something fishy was going on with you... But I love ya anyways. Hope you come out fine so I can ride on your coat tails when you're famous again and back in New York. _

_-Kisses, CB_

Now, that was odd. He also attached a picture of him and his monkey on the top of the Empire State Building in the email he sent. Yes, Chuck's pathetic, but I never knew he would stoop to such a level as to go to the biggest tourist attraction in the city. Remind me to stop talking to him.

I was stunned back to reality by the sound of Amber by 311 going off as my cell phone ringer. I was already about to press the "talk" button, but then I saw a picture of Paul and his number pop-up as the caller.

I contemplated both options, answer it and have an awkward conversation, or hit the ignore button on the phone to simply avoid him... I closed my eyes and my finger hit the red little button that would seal both of our fates.

_**(A/N): Come on... REVIEW. No more chapters unless you do it... Pretty Pwease? **_


	22. Goodbye To You

_**Material Girl: A Gossip Girl Fan Fiction**_

_**By: Senorita Cassandrita**_

_**Disclaimer: I do not, in any way, own the Gossip Girl series. **_

I left without even saying goodbye. Horrible, I know. But I was scared. Scared of feelings I knew I couldn't control. I ran away like a coward at the word 'love' without a second thought.

I let out an exasperate sigh and looked out my airplane window. In my opinion, this plane couldn't taxi fast enough. I wanted to get away. Need to get away.

I rolled my eyes at the stewardess with her fake smile and seatbelt adjusting instructions. I'm sure everyone knew how to frickin' hook a seatbelt.

_It's not like a seatbelt would save us from sure death is this plane were to go down, anyways._ I thought grimly.

I scoffed when I saw a young teenage boy sit in the empty seat besides me. _Dear God..._

I nodded in acknowledgment and studied him put his carry-on bag in the overhead bin.

He had dark black hair cut in a sort of overgrown Mushroom Cut, hinting at the skaterboy look. Most of time, I would've rolled my eyes at the idea of just ANOTHER person trying to pull that look off, but it didn't look half bad on the boy.

He was wearing some baggy pants. Not baggy enough to show practically all of his underwear, I was guessing they were abercrombie or some other brand like that.

But what really caught my eye, were his glasses. They were those smart kid glasses. You know, the ones that were sort of square-ish and black? Well, glasses that Rivers Cuomo from Weezer wears.

I almost frickin' cooed when I saw his eyes behind his smarty glasses. They were an extremely light green sprinkled with the random gold every now and then.

_Too bad he wasn't just a few years older..._

"Hey. What's up?" He asked me, sitting down and adjusting his seatbelt.

"Nothing much, you?" I replied, trying to make small talk.

"Same." He turned his head to the clearly retarded stewardess who now putting on the oxygen mask with great difficulty. "Do you think we'll ever get out of here?"

I let out a smile and he grinned back. He had such a cute smile. I'm sure he's broken quite a few hearts.

"George Matthews, pleasure to meet you." He said, extending his right arm for me to shake.

"Blair Waldorf, ditto." I said with a mock professional voice.

"So, just how old are you?" I asked randomly while playing Uno with George on the pull out table.

"Random, much?" George asked, raising a brow and grabbing one of my pretzels.

I hit him on the shoulder. "Just tell me." I said with puppy eyes.

"Fine. I'm 14." George then put down his 'Wild, Draw Four' card down on the stack of Uno Cards.

"See, that wasn't too hard, was it?" I asked playfully, smiling at him.

"You still haven't drawn your four cards. Oh and yeah, I want the color changed to red." George said with a smug grin.

I tried to remember what it was like to be fourteen, picturing ice cream cones and boy bands...

But then I remembered, when I was fourteen, I was crying my eyes out because Nate had cheated on me with my best friend. Ah, Memories...

"Please adjust all seats to original position and put up all tray tables, we will be arriving at JFK airport in 10 minutes." A stewardess on the intercom informed us.

"So I guess this is goodbye?" George asked with a forced smile on his face.

Coming from anyone else, that would've sounded corny and stupid, but I don't know, it was just different coming from him.

Hauling my carry-on bag over my shoulder I replied, "Ya. I guess it is."

George just looked so sad that I couldn't help but feel bad. "You know, hanging out with you was the most fun I've had in a long time." I said, my hand on his shoulder.

His eyes lit up and I felt proud of myself. It seemed like the first good thing I had done in a very long time.

I loved the sound of New York traffic buzzing through my ears. Had it really been a month and a half since I had been home? It didn't seem like it. Everything that had been just kinda fell into place the minute I stepped off of the connecting plane from Houston to JFK airport.

The whole Waldorf-Rose Clan met us at JFK and enveloped Mother and I both into hugs. (My Mom had been sitting in first class while I was stuck in Economy.)

"How are you holding up? After you know, your Aunt dying." Aaron Rose, my vegan stepbrother asked me while we sat down to eat breakfast the day I got back.

"I guess I'm doing fine. I think I'm getting over it." I confessed.

"That's good. It's good to get over it, ya know." Aaron tried to comfort me, but clearly he didn't know how.

I just nodded and we drifted back into the awkward silence that was breakfast.

"I have to go to the bathroom." I excused myself after finishing.

Aaron looked at me with questioning eyes and I scowled. "Do you really think I wanna kill myself? Believe me, I don't, No worries." I calmed his worries.

I know I couldn't really blame Aaron for being a little wary about letting me go to the bathroom after I'd just eaten, but it was really getting to me.

When I was still at the ranch for those few days before I left, Rhett would be constantly watching my eating habits, just like my Mother.

One day I finally snapped. "Rhett. Will you mind your own business? It's my body. And believe me, I'm not very willing to have another heart attack."

I sat on the toliet seat and deliberated. What was the deal with me? I just had a HEART ATTACK from what I had done to myself, and here I was wanting to do it again.

In one swift move I was on my knees and my head was above the seat. No! I snapped the toilet cover shut and banged my fists, scolding myself.

"Hey, Blair? You OK?" I heard Aaron call out, knocking on the door. I had no doubt he was probably standing by the door, listening to the sounds I was making.

"Yes, I'm fine. The toilet seat just fell is all." I lied.

"Serena? Hey, it's Blair." I said into the phone when Serena answered.

"Blair? BLAIR? I can't believe it's you! It's been far too long, The city NEEDS you." She paused. "More importantly, Nate needs you."

"We broke up, Serena. In case you don't remember, I wasn't the most loyal girlfriend. Nate would have to be a fool to take me back."

"A fool in love, perhaps?" Serena asked.

"Since when did you care so much about Nate and I's relationship? And also, it's not like Nate ever expressed that he wanted to get back together when we would talk."

"All I know, is that he's been really depressed ever since you left. And I think he really wants to get back together with you." Serena said.

I checked my email later that day to see a ton of mail from my friends welcoming me back.

I hadn't told any of them of the news about me having my eating disorder or heart attack. Not even Serena.

They didn't need to know.

I got an invite to a party Serena had been going on and on about that was tonight. It was going to be held by a popular celebrity who had just finished wrapping his action packed film.

I didn't really feel hyped to go, but I knew I needed to get my foot back in the door that was the party scene of New York.

Later that night I curled my hair into cute little locks and waited for Serena to come pick me up.

I was dressed in some Blue Cult jeans and a simple tight black shirt. I added some cute chandelier diamond earrings and topped it off with my black and white Chanel purse.

My cell phone began to ring, indicating Serena was here to pick me up. I said my good-bye's to my worried Mother. And was off.

I kinda tuned my Mom out because all she was going on and on about was how I'd better be careful and not have any alcohol because of my condition.

Well, I wasn't a retard. Of course I wasn't going to drink just two weeks after having a heart attack, but I really needed to get back on my feet again.

"AH! Serena!" I screamed, pulling my best friend into a hug when I saw her in my apartment building's lobby.

"Oh My, Blair you've gotten strong." Serena joked. "Never mind, just as wimpy as before..." Serena said sarcastically, picking up my dainty arm and shaking it a bit.

"Come on." She grabbed my hand and pulled me out into the sidewalk.

"Ok, Ok! Not so rough, I'm going." I scolded.

I looked back to thank the door man for opening the door for me and when I turned my direction back to the black Mercedes Serena had come in, I saw Nate leaning against the car.

I shaked out of Serena's grip and stood in shock. By God, must exes look so divine after you've dumped them? Nate stood looking right in my eyes and a slight smile curled on his lips.

I saw there were slight purple bags under his eyes and his black Lacoste polo was slightly wrinkled. But that was the look guys were trying to go for nowadays, anyway.

Serena had hopped in the car, leaving Nate and I alone.

"Nate? What are you doing here?" I asked, standing awkwardly with my legs crossed.

"I'm here to pick you up. This is my car, remember?" Nate teased. God, I knew his car. Nate and I had made out in it quite enough.

"But why?" I asked, dumbfounded.

"Because I care." He said, opening his arms for a hug.

Three simple words. Those three simple words had me practically crying my eyes out. But I wasn't wearing waterproof mascara.

"So are we cool?" Nate asked me after I wiggled out of his embrace.

I laughed at how simple Nate could forgive me and then nodded in agreement.

Believe me, I wasn't about to jump Nate and make-out with him feverishly, I don't think I'm exactly ready for that yet. Although he did look really... really good.

I watched Serena dance with Nate on the dance floor and tried to force all my feelings of jealousy down, but I couldn't fully get rid of them.

_That was just Serena, she danced with everybody... _I told myself over and over again. But after two songs of her bumping and grinding all over Nate I was already making my way to where they were dancing by the DJ.

I was about 3 feet away when I heard Serena saying something like, "God, you're, like, such a big brother." And then she turned and waved to him while going off with some new hunk.

I saw Nate's face in the darkness laughing and felt relief. They were just dancing, no big deal...

I had turned and was already on my way back to my little corner with Chuck, but I felt someone lightly tugging on my arm.

In my heart of hearts, I hoped it was Paul coming back for me. I turned around eagerly, ready to hop into his arms...

"Hey Baby..." Came the words from a disgusting looking drunk who was trying to pick me up.

I just rolled my eyes and mentally slapped myself for even thinking of Paul. I had left him without even as much as a goodbye. How can I expect any feelings between us to even remain?

And besides, I left everything that had to do with Texas behind when I hoped on that plane... Including Paul.

But I find myself asking the question: Is it really that easy?


	23. Rejection

Material Girl: A Gossip Girl Fan Fiction

By: Senorita Cassandrita

Author's Note: Dearest devoted readers, I am tremendously sorry for the ridiculously long wait for a new chapter. But here's a juicy one to make up for it.

You know you love me,

Senorita Cassandrita

* * *

"Move." I ordered to Chuck before throwing my bag onto the sofa in the VIP area and sitting down next to him. I wished I could just go home. But alas, it was not to be. There wasn't a taxi within a two mile radius of this warehouse out in the middle of nowhere.

"Is that anyway to greet one of your long-lost pals?" Ugh. I knew this Bass was just buttering me up. He's a pro. "Besides, you need to tell me EVERYTHING, besides what I already know, that happened down there in the Lone-Star state… You know how desperate I can get." Chuck said, lingering ever-closer by scooting to the left and clapping his hands like a giddy schoolgirl.

"Oh calm down, Bass. Nothing happened. You mustn't forget I was out in the middle of nowhere, dearest." I replied demurely, stirring the drink I got from the juice bar; which I then transferred into a cocktail glass for fooling purposes.

Aside from him, no one else seemed to know about my past eating disorder or even my hospital stay. I didn't really find it all that suspicious though; since Chuck knew EVERYTHING. But I had already discussed with him that if he told anyone, and I mean anyone, about what happened to me in Texas, I would tell everyone about the freaky things he and his monkey do together.

So we just agreed to never bring it up again.

Hey, I didn't exactly want my so-called pals to be freaking out over the fact that their beloved Blair had gone cold-turkey on drinking. That would surely bring up too many questions.

I saw the little pout form on my 'friend', Chuck Bass' face and felt a tug of pleasure. Maybe keeping mum would add a mystique of mystery about moi.

For God Sake's, I'd be hella-curious about my where-about's too. God knows Miss Gossip Girl was.

Right before I left earlier I had a little time to myself to check the postings on her site (for purely educational reasons, of course), and I saw myself talked about I don't even know how many times.

Well, they didn't exactly call out my name; but the 'B' was obvious enough. Stupid little lower-classmen I left behind at school missing me so soon?

Well you know what they say, there is no such thing as bad publicity.

Speaking of publicity; this party is being covered by those who work in just that field. I had already been interviewed by Page Six, Seventeen Magazine (ew), and Jane Magazine (not so ew).

Apparently, through my absence, the public grew hungry for more of me and I was now up on the 'buzz' factor on the same level as the likes of Kimberly Stewart and Demi Moore's kids.

Not exactly hot stuff. Yet.

I've had the distinct pleasure of meeting Kimberly; not exactly the smartest tool in the shed.

That is precisely why I actually gave a slightly normal interview to the reporters who questioned me at the club that night. I have this hunger. This immense hunger to push myself up on this celebrity ladder.

I had the same feeling since freshman year back at school. Except nix the celebrity and add in popularity. By the end of the first term I was in the most popular clique throughout Constance.

What can I say; I work fast.

And behold, who has the nerve to come to this party? Isabel and Kati. The not-so-dynamic duo. OK, fine. It doesn't hurt to be nice. Maybe I could talk to them for a few minutes.

Besides, Serena had taken off to the bathroom with some French guy looking to break-out in the modeling business and Nate had been chatting it up with some of his former Lacrosse players from school for half an hour in the other side of the velvet-attired VIP area.

"Oh my GAWD, Blair, we have all missed you so much!" Isabel and Kati screamed in unison when I allowed the bouncer to allow them into the sacred room.

I was already scratching my ears when they sat down. My God, how could they both be blessed with such a large voice box? It's really beyond me.

"So you absolutely must tell us everything! We've heard soooo many rumors. But you know us; we never believe them." And with these few words on Kati's part I gave them the most dubious look of my life and simply nodded.

"Not much to tell, girls. Sorry to be such a disappointment." I said, casually fingering the top of my glass and taking a delicate sip while crossing my legs gingerly to get just the perfect pose for the paparazzi I spotted out of the corner of my eye taking my photo.

I wonder what the appeal is. About me, I mean. I know I'm not bad-looking. I look a little bit like Audrey Hepburn, if I do say so myself. But why are people beginning to look up to me like a celebrity?

I don't really offer much. Except gossip, good looks, and Grey Goose. Which I can't even drink anymore. Ugh.

I sat pondering this while I mindlessly nodded my head at every idiotic thing Kati or Isabel said.

I felt a slight tap on my shoulder, pulling me back into reality. I looked up to spot a delicious-looking Nate standing over me. There was a look of pure-unadulterated lust on his face.

I know Nate has never been good with words, so I wasn't really annoyed with the fact that he didn't really say anything.

But his actions spoke far louder than words. Nate's fingers fell on my shoulder and slowly drifted down the length of my arm while sending goosebumps throughout my entire body. His hand landed on mine and he slid his fingers through mine and rubbed his thumb over each of my knuckles, circling each one before moving on.

"Are you gonna ask me to dance or am I going to have to drag you onto the dance floor myself?" I purred, catching my breath midsentance as he brought my hand to his lips.

Nate lifted me up from my chair with a light tug and guided me down to the dance floor.

I watched him as he walked. Something seemed different about him since the last I had seen. Nate now walked with a sort of grace. A nonchalance which was oooh so attractive.

I let myself be scooped up in his arms once we had gained a private spot to dance. It felt so good just to sink my head into that familiar crook of his neck. I inhaled his aroma and let myself fall into him as the song progressed.

A few moments later, the song changed to one that was unfamiliar and faster-paced. I let myself be dragged away, again, by Nate when he lead me in the direction back up to the VIP area.

It seemed as though everyone had left, for the room which was once filled with A-listers was now deserted.

Nate walked across the room to the mini-bar and poured two glasses of Cristal and handed me a glass.

"Not now, maybe later." I told him with a half-smile while walking over to the balcony to oversee the 'little' people downstairs.

I let out a little yelp when I felt Nate's arms encircle my waist and hug my tightly. I could feel his muscles flex when he gripped me and felt secure.

"I missed you." He whispered into my ear. I felt myself swoon and tried to keep a calm expression. Which was pretty hard when I felt his hot breath tickle my ear and neck.

"You missed me, did you?" I asked turning myself around in his grip so we were face to face. Our lips mere inches away from one another. I urged my arms to wrap around his neck. "A lot's changed, you know. I'm not the same old Blair I used to be." I explained, cocking my head to the side to examine his face.

When I stared into his eyes, I was almost scared of their utmost sincerity. I was so used to seeing his eyes bloodshot and dilated from him being perpetually stoned that when true emotion was able to shine through, I was really in the dark on how to respond.

"And that's exactly why I find myself loving you so much." Nate murmured, grabbing one of my curls and twirling it on his forefinger.

I didn't really say anything. I was stunned. We just stood there, looking into one another's eyes for what seemed like an eternity before Nate slowly leaned ever closer to me and kissed me gently on the lips.

I started to kiss him back both tenderly and passionately all at the same time; loving the feeling it sent through my body. But when I pulled back and let his lips linger down to my neck I knew I was doing something wrong.

"Nate, Nate… Stop." I gently pulled him away with a face of pure misery. "Listen, I know you say you love me because I've changed, but I know this can't be true."

I looked away from his stunned face and tried to continue the best I could, " Please, just understand, you're too good for me. I've done horrible, horrible things to you in the past and I don't deserve you in the slightest."

"I know you've made mistakes, Blair. But so have I. I've made so many that I can't even begin to count them. But you still found a way to love me. And now I'm returning the favor," A slight smile played on Nate's lips and I almost couldn't go through with what I was doing.

"That was in high school. Where we were all immature fools. Fools in love, perhaps, but fools all the same." I tucked a strand of hair behind my ear and continued, "But I'd like to think I've grown up. Maybe a little bit, but there is some definite change. And I just can't see myself doing the same things the old me used to do. It's not fair. To me, or more importantly to you."

"Wow, you really have changed." He said, looking away from me to the side in an expression I couldn't begin to explain. I sucked in my breath. "But for the better."


	24. What Would Marilyn Do?

Chapter 24

Material Girl

_Author's note: Hello kittens, sorry for the late, late, late update. Life's been… hectic. But no need to fear, I'm back. _

_Enjoy(:_

_Lovers, _

_It is I, GG. Long time no see but I come with many goodies for my dollfaces. I'm sure all of you are nursing your hangovers from last night and just waiting patiently for the gossip… Well after B & N were spotted by some little people on the dance floor making out in the VIP area upstairs, I'd suppose they would've gone home together and said welcome back to one another. But B was seen entering her building, dare I say it, alone! Now that's a first. But of course S was not about to go home empty-handed. I have it on three different accounts that she stumbled into her townhouse with two young and hot fresh faced models just looking for a break into the biz. And N you ask? Up to his old tricks… Found walking around Central Park at 2 am like the little fiend he is hunting for some weed. Just a call out for help! What I wouldn't do to nurse that hottie back to health!_

_That's all for now darlings, _

_Gossip Girl

* * *

_

Waking up without a hangover was certainly new. I kinda missed the bitter headache, memory loss, and sometimes when I was lucky, the warm body beside me when I'd wake up.

No worries, today was a new day. And I think I'm beginning to like actually recalling what happened the night before. With a sigh I was out of bed and on my way to the tub for my morning soak.

_Now what to wear to my E! interview…? Black is so dreary, I'm not in mourning, am I? I could always wear that burgundy Betsy Johnson velvet dress. Hm, maybe not. Ever since Miss Betsy opened up her in store in godforsaken outlets, count me out… _

Adding a bath fizzie to my bath, I reached for my Blackberry, which laid on the side of the tub.

16 text messages and two voicemails. I hate voicemails. I'd probably listen to them next week. Really in general I hate talking on the phone. So much unnecessary talking to fill the dead space.

Most of the texts were from Chuck, little sleaze ball he is. _How's it going with Nate?_ _What are you two doing in the VIP room ALONE?! Oh darling, you truly must tell me the scoop!_ Were how must of the messages went.

Delete, delete, delete. The rest of the texts were mindless and annoying and quickly followed Chuck's into the trash. But there was one. Bolded from being unread, waiting patiently for me to read it…

_I miss you._

That's all it said, but it was enough. Enough to send shivers down my spine. Enough to make me giggle and blush. Enough to bring to the surface all the emotions I had tried to keep hidden.

The water had gotten cold, but I remained frozen in the tub. A flash of memories swirling through my head… _If only I had said goodbye things might've been different._

With a harsh slap to the water I jumped out of the now-freezing water and into my terrycloth Juicy Couture robe.

Shifting through my hundreds of outfits, my mind kept returning to that damn text message from Paul. I knew it was getting bad when I thought for nearly a minute a purple chiffon dress with white lace was a cute look. Disgusting.

Well what to do? Ignore it, make a witty reply, call him in a desperate rush?

I always did try to keep myself looking cool and collected in front of Paul, but it never seemed to work. Even if I tried to reply in a composed manner, he'd see right through me.

OK, just reply Blair, just reply. It's settled then. With a few clicks I sent back a text that would travel to Texas in seconds.

_I've been thinking about you a lot, miss you too._

Simple, to the point, truthful. Good, good, now let's just pray to God I don't sound mental.

I set the phone down and slipped into the cute black pencil skirt and light pink ruffle shirt.

Gazing into the mirror after blowing out my hair and applying my Bobbi Brown make-up, I was satisfied. There was a glow to my cheeks that wasn't usually there and for the first time in quite a while, the bags under my eyes weren't so pronounced.

_One week sober and results already!_ I thought sardonically. But I guess it was true, aside from the longing I felt whenever I saw someone with a cute and fruity alcoholic concoction in their hands at the club, I was pretty OK with not being the usual drunk bitch at a party.

With a quick glance to the clock on my bedstand, I realized I only had half an hour to get across town to the E! studio in Times Square.

Kicking on my patent leather pumps I hurried out of the door and jumped into the first taxi to stop for me.

* * *

"Now Blair, ever since you went down to Texas and left us all here miserable, the public has grown hungry for you," A giddy E! correspondent who's name I really can't remember said to me, hovering closer to me on the suede couch. "Are you aware of all of the fans you've garnered from just being New York's hottest socialite?" 

With a cross of the legs and a polite giggle I flipped my hair a bit and replied, "I honestly had no idea, when E! called me for an interview on just being… me, you could've knocked me down with a feather."

In actuality, I was really rather annoyed when I got the call that they wanted me. Sure I love the attention and publicity… But E!? One of the cheesiest channels, calling to interview me about basically nothing or so I thought…

"And now with the news of your past eating disorder out in the papers," Whatsherface told me with a slight tap on the knee, "the public has grown positively ravenous with wanting to see your face again. So many emails have come pouring in, wishing you well. What do you say to these fans?"

I know word had spread about my stay in the hospital and all, but I was unprepared. How dare this bitch go out and tell the world? She didn't know me, didn't know the least thing except for maybe that my outfit jewelry cost more than what she got paid in a month.

Throughout my entire thought process my smile remained in place and my eyes displayed nothing. I was used to this kind of thing. Being ambushed with unhappy information I mean. Geez, I found out about Serena and Nate hooking up back in 8th grade in pretty much the same fashion, except replace the has-been reporter with a pack of malicious junior girls.

With a wink and flirtatious smile which had broken and melted hearts many times I answered, "Well here I am, come and get me boys."

* * *

"That was perfect," Drooled one of the minions working on the set as I passed by. "I don't think I've ever seen anyone dodge a question so well… You're a goddess." 

With a fluttering of the lashes, I grabbed the Fiji water bottle he was offering me and sat down in my dressing room.

"Really, I think you've just become America's next darling." The nameless intern gushed. He extended his arm for a handshake. "I'm Marco, by the way."

"Well thank you Marco, but do you really think that went well?" I asked, guard down. "When she brought up my eating disorder I didn't know what to do."

"Oh believe me girl, you worked it." Marco added with a tilt to the head and a snap. "But can I just add, if that whole flirtation bit at the end was an act… keep it. Everyone I could tell was just eating it up."

* * *

On the cab ride back home, I tried to think, what did I do that was so different? In the last seconds of the interview when I was ambushed I automatically launched into my defense mechanism: flirting. 

Is that how the public wanted to see me? I don't think I was being slutty in the way girls are today, just a few playful words.

I could do that… If that's what would get me the much deserved time in the spotlight like I want. A little more Marilyn Monroe and a little less Audrey Hepburn.

The cab stopped in front of my building and the doorman let me out. In the few steps to the entrance a guy about my age who looked like an up and coming model I'd seen in the latest issue of Vogue whistled and eyed my frame appreciatively before taking a puff of his French cigarette.

Usually I'd dismiss this sort of behavior with an eyeroll and a look of disgust, but before I could say anything vulgar I caught myself smiling. I walked slowly backwards to catch him with both my eyes and blew a kiss. As he stopped in his tracks and called to me to wait I winked and waved goodbye before stepping inside.

_See, that wasn't too hard. _I told myself as the elevator climbed up to my floor. In my eyes, I was just acting like a more free and possibly drunk version of myself when in public. Instead of stiff and unrelatable WASP I could be the flirtatious and unobtainable socialite and the public would love it.

I felt a light vibration in my Chanel purse and rummaged through all the lipglosses and powders to find my phone.

4 missed calls? And all from Paul? I hope he doesn't think I'm ignoring him or worse, forgotten about him. My heart raced as I called him back. At the same time that the elevator stopped with the thud that always made my heart drop a little I got his voicemail.

After only two rings did I hear his magnificent voice telling me he 'couldn't come to the phone right now.' My call had just been rejected.


End file.
